He has left me...

Kazzabell80

Just need to get this off my chest really so here goes;

I woke up this morning to find that my husband hadn't slept in our bed (he was in work late and came home after I had already gone to bed).

I found him on the sofa and asked him what he was doing there. His reply was that he isn't happy and he doesn't love me anymore :eek:.

I am devastated. We have been together for 17 years and have two children (12 and 11). I was 15 when we met and he is absolutely everything to me. He says that there is no-one else, he just doesn't love me and can't see how we can make it work.


I begged him not to leave but he says that he has no other choice.

I was diagnosed with a muscle disease 8 months (FSH MD) and he says that he has stuck by me because of that but just cannot do it any longer as it isn't fair to me or him.

He has said that he will stay at the house until the weekend and then move out (and go and stay with his mother).

I have no family that live in the UK (father was in the RAF and family moved when he was posted away from here and I stayed as I'd met my hubby).

My world is falling apart...I feel that I have lost everything :(:(

raven83

Didn't want to read and run, just wanted to say you poor thing, must be really awful for you especially as it came out of the blue. Is there no way that you can both sit and talk about what has made him so unhappy?

I know what it is like to feel like your world starts to crumble in around you, i know its a cliche but you have just got to be strong and you will get through it.

System

I dont want to read and run either. Sending you many hugs. Be strong... your children need you!

I too think you need to sit down with your husband and find out what went wrong.

Kazzabell80

Thanks for your replies. I am so lost without him, he is my best friend.

We haven't spent much time together recently as we both work 2 jobs and the evenings that we have had off at the same time, he has been going out with mates. He admitted that it was because he has been avoiding this.

I have said that we can make it work and that I would do anything but I can see that he has already resigned himself to the fact that we are over. He says that he doesn't know if he wants to make it work but has felt like this for a very long time. His words were that we have been living together but haven't had a relationship for a long time.

Tiddlywinks

Firstly - no matter what happens you WILL deal with it; I know that might sound mad right now but, believe me, you only get to know how strong you are when life gets tough.

Anyway, has your OH had anything else major just happen to him that's made him have a close look at his life? Has he had a bereavement, got trouble at work or got a friend that seems to 'have it all' whereas he feels he's not made it himself? I only ask because sometimes people get super critical of their own lives when things like this happen.

Does he seem to want to rediscover his feelings for you?

Where has your OH gone? A friend, his mum? Will they think he is right to leave?

If he really has fallen out of love and he really doesn't want to try then there is nothing you can do to make it happen other than give him time - you'll still have loads of time anyway to see him when he comes to see the children.

A bit of space might help him see what he's missing.

Lotus-eater

I'm very sorry this is happening to you.

Do you think it's been bad for a long time? I agree with Judi, you deserve him to sit down with you and discuss what has gone wrong. It's very unfair to just do this to you and not give any warning or chance for the relationship to change.

Whatever his reason behind this announcement, you need to stay strong for your children. Have you got any friends who could come round one night and give you a shoulder to lean on?

BitterAndTwisted

You are very understandably in total shock at the moment. Do nothing and say nothing that cannot be undone later.

It's very difficult to just sit there and not do anything but I think for the moment that this is precisely what you should try to do.

Once the shock has worn off it might be possible to start talking and see what you can sort out between you both. A partner having to adjust to the other's illness can be just as difficult for them as it is to the sufferer. He might be having all sorts of problems adjusting his world-view from you having been an equal to now becoming another dependent. Plus the guilt he might be bearing because of his feelings having changed.

Whatever happens, your life is not over and there will be a way of moving forward. But now is not the time to be thinking of that. Not just yet.

Kazzabell80

Tiddlywinks - no there has been no life-changing incident and people who know us would probably think that we are the ones who appear to have it all which I suppose makes it worse as if what we have isn't good enough....

He will be going around to his Mum's - who is likely to go mental and tell him he is making a mistake but if I can't change his mind then I doubt very much that she will be able to.

We did try to talk this morning but he was very dry and matter of fact 'there is not point in looking at the why's, it isn't working, I care for you but I don't love you, don't think that I want to try to make it work and I (meaning him...I hope!) am an assh0le'.

I am going around a mates now for a bit.

Lotus-eater

Kazzabell80 wrote: »

We did try to talk this morning but he was very dry and matter of fact 'there is not point in looking at the why's, it isn't working, I care for you but I don't love you, don't think that I want to try to make it work and I (meaning him...I hope!) am an assh0le'.

OK.......... I know this a very overused phrase on here but do you think he may be depressed?

Blackpool_Saver

another charmer, let him go you are better off without him

mazza111

You will get over this hon. Very early days, and give yourself time to get over this. Sometimes it just happens. He may have been unhappy for a while and it's just came to light. Sending you lots of big hugs, to try and ease your heartbreak.