He has left me...

Dexters_Indignation

I_wanna_live_for_free wrote: »

Sending you many hugs and positive thoughts. xx

That is what this site should be about.

pollyanna24

I'm not sure that I can say anything that will help. But it is true, time is a good healer. I'm finally starting to feel that there may be life after my exbf leaving me.

Similar to you in that we were together from a young age (I was 18). We were together 11 years when he decided that he'd had enough.

I was left with a two year old, a two month old and a broken neck (yes really - I had a car crash when six months pregnant).

People thought I was absolutely barmy when I kept saying that I would have him back. How could a man leave a woman in that state? The fact that he shacked up with another woman with three kids a couple of months after he left said it all really!

Only now, 18months on, am I starting to get to grips with things. I found that first year so hard (not wanting to make my situation sound worse, but boy with my kids so young, it was hell - although they take up so much of my time, guess I didn't have time to think about things).

I wouldn't have him back now even if he begged. That's not to say that I don't pine for the life we once had or wish that it hadn't happened. It's just that I can now see what people could when he left me.

meer53

Like everyone says, you will get through this. I did, and feel much better for it, although at the time, i would have given anything for him to come back.

Just a thought though, when you say he went out to his mates, are you sure ? Could there be someone else in the background ? There was in my ex's case and i felt so stupid for not realising at the time. Afterwards, it was so blindingly obvious.

You really need to make time to sit down with him and find out why he feels like he does.

Kazzabell80

Thanks for all of your replies.

Well we have tried to talk and I have again practically begged him to reconsider but to no avail

He has gone down his Mum's to try and sort out somewhere to stay. He says his mind is made up.

I really love him and am so hearbroken at the moment I didn't even think that it was possible to feel like this.

I am trying to put on a brave front in front of the children but they aren't stupid and I am sure that they know that something is wrong - I have told him that he needs to tell the them.

I don't know if there is anyone else, he says that there isn't but who can really know for sure?

There has been a strain on the relationship for the past few months but to be honest I have just been putting it down to us re-adjusting to life since my diagnosis and the fact that we work all of the time and so have very little quality time together. He has recently started a new job that involves shift work and I thought that it would enable us to spend more time together...

We have had our ups and downs, like any other couple but have always managed to talk through and resolve our issues (or at least so I thought).

Blackpool_Saver

No, I am not kidding, he walked out on a sick woman

scooby088

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

No, I am not kidding, he walked out on a sick woman

But would you rather be with someone you no longer love? I for one wouldn't stay even out obligation if the relationship is beyond repair.

Marisco

scooby088 wrote: »

But would you rather be with someone you no longer love? I for one wouldn't stay even out obligation if the relationship is beyond repair.

Your right there!! I can think of nothing worse than someone staying out of pity. It would probably become intolerable anyway, as he'd become more and more unhappy and resentful.

cottonhead

You deserve to know the truth as do your kids so when they ae older they can understand it. I dont believe you can just fall out of love with someone like that. If I am honest I would guess he has either met someone else or is going through some stress. You said he just started a new job. Are there money worries or anything else that could be causing him to run and hide rather than face reality ? Men are not great talkers at the best of times ( sorry guys out there if I am generalising) and perhaps its the fact that he does love you and doenst want to hurt you that he finds it easier to run away from the problem than deal with it; He might feel guilty or inadequate or all manner of things.
Perhaps try and write a letter explaining that you love him and respect his opions and his wish to have time to get his head together but for the sake of the kids and your time together and the marriage promises you made - he has to expalin why he did what he did. try not to plead and beg. Try to remain calm. The less pressure he feels the more he will probably talk. Could he be gay? Could he have lost his job and not told you ? could he be in trouble with the law ? I dont mean to get you more worried but it sounds very odd to leave for no reason. I think there is a reason - he just cant face telling you.
I think you need to face up to the fact that he might not come back just in case. That doenst mean life is over its just a new chapter and you can be happy again. This stage is the worse - the shock of what has happended and the limbo of not knowing why he left or if he will come back. Are you Ok with his mum ? Perhaps try asking her after a few days.
Hope it works out OK.

dktreesea

Gigglepig wrote: »

It may be that it is premature to say this man is "not worth it", but some people are prone to react that way when they hear he walked out on his sick wife of 17 years and 2 kids with no notice whatsoever and no intention to try for counselling... !

I can understand people blaming the OP's OH for walking out, but not everyone is strong enough to cope with the changed circumstances and (usually) added burden that having a sick partner can mean.

patchwork_cat

I know what he said that he stayed with you because of your illness, but has it occured to you that he is actually leaving you because of your illness. That was first thing that struck me.