Step brothers and sisters sharing a room

Dontknowanymore

The last thing I want to do is slag the mother off but she does have form for being a bit unreasonable, and I do fear that this is just an excuse to be difficult.
Unfortunately whilst the room is a double, splitting it into 2 would not be able to happen as it's not big enough.
I wouldnt mind letting OH's daughter have our room/bed when she stays, OH wouldn't either but I just have a feeling that even this would not be good enough, its sad because OH's daughter loves staying here, when we all discussed it, her and my son instantly come up with a sleepng plan that he has the top bunk, but when she stays then she gets the top bunk, they are so innocent.

As I have said we are looking to give up the flat and rent a 3 bed but at around £850 - £1k a month rent it's going to take a while to save.

the_becoming

Oh thats awful, they are only babies! Prob not worth arguing with the mother over if she is the awkward type but how disappointing for the little ones

Dontknowanymore

mrcow wrote: »

My only concern is that 3 in a room would keep them awake because they'd be talking etc. If they are pretty good at going to sleep then I wouldnt hesitate. I'd give it a go for a trial run. I'm assuming some of the nights are going to be school nights?

As for where your OH stands, as always, you just all need to keep communicating until a solution that suits everyone is found.

We have staggered bedtimes anyway, the youngest goes to bed at 7pm then the other 2 go at 8pm, luckily they all do as their told at bed time.

I meant my OH and his daughter to stay at the grandparents, just dont want his daughter to feel pushed out.

He is goin to have to speak to her, which is going to be hard as he ditests her with a passion, although I think I am helping him to see the light in that respect, I know more than anyone how important it is to keep personal feelings out of any childrens contact issues.
She suggested mediation, but I think I might sugest all 3 of us get together, I don't want to get too involved but think maybe if she met me and could see I am only on her daughters side we may be able to come up with a solution?

BitterAndTwisted

Don't argue with the mother but just chuck the ball back in her court and leave her to come up with what arrangements she deems suitable.

GobbledyGook

I think the plan of asking her what solution she'd like is the best way. I know it irks to "pander" to someone unreasonable, but if you get a straight answer from her that she'd accept x, y or z then when you provide that she can't be awkward because you can show that it was her suggestion.

If she has never met you or your children that may be behind her wariness. If my daughter had school the next day I'd be worried about her room sharing with children I never met because you'd have no idea what they were like.

Dontknowanymore

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Don't argue with the mother but just chuck the ball back in her court and leave her to come up with what arrangements she deems suitable.

Think this is the only way to go really.

the_becoming

No offence to your OH but you sound like the only reasonable grown-up in this situation! You are spot on, it doesn't matter what has gone on between the pair of them they need to sort it out for the child!

Good luck

cte1111

I don't think I would have an issue with for now. Perhaps when they are a bit older it might get awkward but at such a young age I would be OK with it.

You're obviously trying to make it easier in the long term by saving up for somewhere bigger so TBH I think it sounds like you've done as much as you can. As long as the children are all happy with the plan then that's the main thing.

You and / or your OH need to talk to his ex to try and convince her I guess.

Dontknowanymore

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I think the plan of asking her what solution she'd like is the best way. I know it irks to "pander" to someone unreasonable, but if you get a straight answer from her that she'd accept x, y or z then when you provide that she can't be awkward because you can show that it was her suggestion.

If she has never met you or your children that may be behind her wariness. If my daughter had school the next day I'd be worried about her room sharing with children I never met because you'd have no idea what they were like.

Thanks.
She stays one week night every week, thing is the mum has not mentioned school, she just said she knows what her daughter is like and she knows what boys are like which I thought was a very bizzare comment, BUT she isn't my daughter and her mum is the RP so her wishes have of course got to be taken into consieration, the last thing I want is for a row to start up because the children are the ones who will always suffer.
OH doesn't want to pander to her but I have tried explaning to him that sometimes it's what we have to do!

Dontknowanymore

the_becoming wrote: »

No offence to your OH but you sound like the only reasonable grown-up in this situation! You are spot on, it doesn't matter what has gone on between the pair of them they need to sort it out for the child!

Good luck

No offence taken!