Step brothers and sisters sharing a room

Dontknowanymore

Hi
I was wondering peoples views on an almost 8 year old girl sharing a room 1 night 1 week and 3 nights every alternate week with my 2 boys who are 3 and 8.
My OH and I consulted all children before we moved in together and his daughter was very excited when we told her we had bought bunk beds, I even bought her a nice new girlie duvet set so she feels like she has her own little bits here.
Anway, now her mother is telling my OH that she is not comfortable with the sleeping arrangements and that she is going to refuse to allow OH's daughter to stay overnight until 'proper sleeping arrangements' are sorted.
We live in a 2 bed housing association flat and whilst we understand it's not the most ideal situation long term, at the moment we can't afford to rent a bigger property, I start a new job hopefully next month so we are going to be in a better position to save for a deposit etc on a private rental, it doesn't help that we live in an expensive area

Just after some advise really on where my OH stands? Hiss parents live round the corner and they can both stay there when he has her, I just think it's unfair on everyone especially seing as his daughter loves stayin here.

BitterAndTwisted

My own view is that it's perfectly fine for young children of that age to share a room, but I'm not the little girl's mother.

What solution has her mother come up with, if any? Would the litle girl sleeping on a mattress or air-bed in your room be deemed appropriate?

gingin_2

Can you buy a sofa bed and sleep in the living room when the dd is here, or can you partition off the second bedroom to make 2 small rooms?

thehappybutterfly

I guess it would depend on how long the kids had known each other. But as a mum of a daughter, I must confess I'd be uneasy about the sleeping arrangements. I know they're all young but still......

whitewing

Could you both sleep in the sitting room, and the girl have your room for now?

I actually think it is ok for now but it soon won't be, imo, and as it seems to be an issue currently then you may as well try now.

Mum may still have an issue about her using your room (without you) and not having her own bedroom in which case she is either unreasonable or unrealistic.

I don't think your DH should move out for access visits at grandparents.

thehappybutterfly

I've re-read my post and it maybe makes me sound a bit neurotic. I'm not a naturally suspicious person but if mum has misgivings, I think you need to respect those wishes. Has she been round to the house to see the bedroom so she can see for herself the bunk beds etc?

elsien

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

if mum has misgivings, I think you need to respect those wishes. Has she been round to the house to see the bedroom so she can see for herself the bunk beds etc?

I think that would rather depend if mum has genuine misgivings or whether mum is one of those who will just look for any excuse to withhold access.

BitterAndTwisted

I think that the OP was suggesting that since the OH's parents live round the corner their children could stay over there when the little girl visits, not the OH!

I think the child's mother is looking for reasons to be unhappy and uncooperative, and if that is the case there will be no pleasing her whatever solution you might come up with.

mrcow

My only concern is that 3 in a room would keep them awake because they'd be talking etc. If they are pretty good at going to sleep then I wouldnt hesitate. I'd give it a go for a trial run. I'm assuming some of the nights are going to be school nights?

As for where your OH stands, as always, you just all need to keep communicating until a solution that suits everyone is found.

isthistrue

elsien wrote: »

I think that would rather depend if mum has genuine misgivings or whether mum is one of those who will just look for any excuse to withhold access.

I agree. But I think most parents would, at some level, be uncomfortable with their child sharing a room with a non-related child of the opposite sex. If mum is difficult, why give her the ammunition? Find a solution she is happy with - I would suggest a camp bed or children's sofa bed that can be used as a seat when the child isn't with you and putting it in the adult's room would be the easiest thing.

GobbledyGook

What is it the mother has an issue with exactly?

I don't see an issue with it (and neither would a housing association if you only had 2 8-year-olds). However if the mother does you are as well trying to find out what she'd see as "proper" sleeping arrangements and take it from there.

I can't see why a court would have an issue with it, but that would be a long way down the road and the kind of battle you probably want to avoid.