Post Your Telephone Sales Wind Ups Here!

Princess_Jane

I always refuse to give any details.

I tell them if it's important to say so and I'll go down to the branch.

Otherwise I ain't telling them jack.

My bank are usually pretty good about it TBH.

northantsandy wrote: »

I love the fact that the banks tell you not to divulge your personal information if asked for it in an e-mail, then get the hump when they call you out of the blue and you refuse to tell them your mother's maiden name, etc as you have no idea who they are.....

squeaky

Having had far too many telemarketing calls for double glazing of late, many in the late evenings or Sunday mornings as early as 9:15, and, despite my pleas to be taken off their call list, and the ever increasing intensity, and often downright rudeness, of my rebuffs - the calls just kept on coming in.

One Saturday lunchtime, <sigh>, yes, just as I was sitting down to lunch; I got yet another call from the most persistent of these outfits. I think I was on their 'trainee list'.

Having had more than enough of this 'persecution' [well it *felt* that way] and knowing that I was free on the following Thursday afternoon and with nothing much to do I arranged a home appointment...

I was pleased to see him and complimented him on his punctuality, made him a cup of coffee, and in this happy mood we sat down so that he could give me his prepared sales talk about the value of having double glazing and in particular that of his own company. This, I found, was very interesting and so I asked quite a number of questions and was attentive to the replies.

His opening patter might well have taken rather longer than it usually did - but what the heck. He had an interested and enthusiastic prospect on his hands here.

So now he suggested that perhaps he should view all the windows in the house so as to better advise me as to the most suitable way to deal with them, and while he was there he might as well measure them up, didn't I think?

Of course I thought it was a good idea. [I'd always wanted to know what size my windows were, but could never be bothered to get the tape out] Although I think I forgot to mention that at the time.

At each window we had a preliminary discussion of what type of window might be most suitable, how many panes, sash or hinges, security options and so on. I think this took rather longer than it usually did, though I can't be sure.

That done, we went back to the catalogues and we discussed all these things in much more detail, plus styles and materials, glass thickness, sound deadening qualities v insulation standards etc etc etc etc... Not to mention workmanship, and mess and disruption, future maintenance... He even went out to his car and brought in an extra case full of samples. For which kindness I made him another cup of coffee.

It took me some time to decide between all the various options. After all, I had much to choose from and this was a big purchase that I was considering, I wanted to be sure that I would be buying all the right things for the right reasons.

That done he suggested he work up a quote for me, which I was happy for him to do.

The price was somewhat higher than I had expected, and so we had to go through the catalogue and the samples and find slightly more economic means of achieving the same ends. And at last we agreed that this was indeed a reasonable price for the goods on offer.

Here he brought out his best pen and a pad full of order forms.

This was when I told him that I couldn't place the order precisely at this moment, much though I would like to have done, because my accomodation was rented and so I would have to ask permission from my landlord.

Oh, that's fine he said, who *is* your landlord?

Mid Suffolk District Council.

In a very tight lipped silence that is a testament to his self control he packed his things and went away.

Barely two weeks later I get *another* telemarketing call from this *same* company... so of course I accepted an appointment.

Two days later the branch manager, not a happy chappy, asked me if I hadn't already had a recent sales visit and what the flying fynn did I think I was playing at? So I told him that *every* time his people wasted *my* time *I* was going to waste *theirs*...

I'd asked before to come off their call lists, asked *politely* too, so would he please please please take my &^%$$&% name off their %^&%% lists.

Things went quiet for a while and then three months later...

..from the *SAME &*$&$*$*$ COMPANY*...

..yep. Start again at para one.

But after that second episode it really did get quiet. From that day to this I have *never* had a call from that company, nor, in fact from *any* double glazing company. In fact, very few telemarketing calls at all.

I think I must be on a blacklist or something. ;-)

LouiseJ

I am sure that most of you have had the Mr Smith Call. You know the "Is that Mr Smith"? knowing fine well that it isnt and they follow immediately with are you the home owner, we have an offer for you for blah, blah, blah..

This is what my OH said on the last Mr Smith call:

Ring Ring

OH "Hello"

CC "Hello is that Mr Smith"?

OH "Yes" (that throws them a bit)

CC "we have an offer on Blah, Blah are you interested"?

OH "Yes"

CC "Can I take your full name and address"?

OH "Yes its Mr Smithton Smith, 11 Smith Lane, Smithtown, County Smith SMI TH1.

CC "Can you spell Smithtown please as its not showing on my computer"

OH Can't contain his laughter anymore and hangs up.

sasp

LouiseJ wrote: »

I am sure that most of you have had the Mr Smith Call. You know the "Is that Mr Smith"? knowing fine well that it isnt and they follow immediately with are you the home owner, we have an offer for you for blah, blah, blah..

This is what my OH said on the last Mr Smith call:

Ring Ring

OH "Hello"

CC "Hello is that Mr Smith"?

OH "Yes" (that throws them a bit)

CC "we have an offer on Blah, Blah are you interested"?

OH "Yes"

CC "Can I take your full name and address"?

OH "Yes its Mr Smithton Smith, 11 Smith Lane, Smithtown, County Smith SMI TH1.

CC "Can you spell Smithtown please as its not showing on my computer"

OH Can't contain his laughter anymore and hangs up.

This made me laugh so much and I can't wait to try it. Ha ha ha

littlelibrarylass

i once had a call from a very persistant double glazing company and in a bid to get them off the phone agreed to an appointment the following week. i had given my mobile no out to them but over the week had second thoughts so when they rang to confirm the appointment i decided to put them off.
dg- i'm just phoning to confirm your appoint mrs library for thursday
me- how did you get this number?
dg- you gave it to us when you arranged the appointment
me- what appointment
dg- the appointment on thursday for double galzing
me- no i didn't where did you get this number
dg- erm- erm- you gave it to us
me - no i didn't
dg- yes you did, we have an apppointment with you at 32 library lane boston spa next thursday.
me- i know what's happened you have been speaking to the woman my husband lives with !! true it was me!!!}
dg- errr sorry
they hung up and i have never heard from them since

Have also done the conservatory call when we lived on the first floor.

a friend always answers the phone with - chinese laundry

LLL

squeaky

Or in an effete voice...

"Buckingham Palace... Duty Queen"

Brassneck

Sort of along the same lines, but reversed:

We got a call in our work which was obviously a wrong number, but as the guy had our firms name told to him twice and still didnt listen, the call went as follows:

ring ring ring

US: Hello, so and so company

him: Ah hello, is that the National museum, can i speak to someone regarding your fire safety policy.

US: no, this is so and so company reception.
him: yes fine, can i speak to someone regarding your fire safety policy following our recent audit (obviously at the National museum).

US: certainly sir, i will put you through
(phone passed to me.......as always)

ME: hello Nat museum, fire officer Dibble speaking

him: ah good morning, my name is blah blah from the fire safety board, re: our recent audit and proposals for your safety procedures, have you managed to implement any measures following our visit

ME: Oh yes and its been a resounding success.

him: right, can you tell me what you have set in motion

ME: certainly. As you know we have an induction procedure, which shows visitors the exits, toilets, which way to canteen etc etc and we explain the importance of some of our exhibits. Well on the back of this induction we have added "by the way, please dont start any fires". Now its a fairly simplistic approach, but its had a 100 per cent succes rate up to now, with not a single fire being started. Simple, but brilliant.

him:.........pause........long pause..................erm, right. So what your saying is

ME: (jumped straight back in) but we also have our secondary more practical solution in case step one fails

him: ahhh right and whats that

ME: well i was in B and Q and they had red buckets on offer, so i bought a few, wrote fire on them in permanent marker and filled them full of sand round the building

him: click durrrrrrrrr.............................................


No sense of humour some people

free-range

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

These are too funny for words, thank you so much to everyone who has posted - I've spent the last three hours rolling on the floor laughing.

Apologies to any of my customers who found me unable to make sensible conversation

Superheavy

OK...previous comments about being mean taken into account, I realise that I must also fall into the nightmare customer bracket. Whenever someone calls me with a non-British accent I'll usually start goofing around and say in stilted English:

"Do you.....have person....who speak in...Welsh? English....of mine....not so good."

Between my bad english and their bad english they realise that neither of us is getting anywhere.

Numpty_Monkey

I copied this from zincoxcide thread that is running in the arms
I love the bit he writes at the end

Full thread
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=741653&page=11


And another call - 3 so far today, they seem to be dying off!

Me: Hello
Debitas: Is that Mr X?
Me: No, he's at work just now
Debitas: Oh, ok, can you give me his work number?
Me: Who are you?
Debitas: We are Debitas Legal Services, we need to speak to Mr X urgently
Me: Oh right - give me a minute

Me: Are you still there?
Debitas: Yes
Me: Ok, do you have a pen handy?
Debitas: Yes
Me: His number is, 0 1 5 6 3 5 5 4 5 4 7
Debitas: Will he be there just now?
Me: Yes - he works quite late, he'll probably be there until 8
Debitas: Thank you


This one is on behalf of all DFW's that have been getting hassle from MacKenzie Hall, as that's the number I have just given to Debitas! Oh, how I wish I could listen to that call!!