Post Your Telephone Sales Wind Ups Here!

Toomuchdebt

lynsayjane wrote: »

I think I waste too much of my precious time trying to not be racist on the phone to some of these people so in future I'm going to pretend to gibber in polish at them, see how they like it.


(apologies to anyone who thinks I'm rasist, I'm not, I dislike everyone who isn't me regardless of race )

If you want some interesting Polish words, do let me know

Cutterby

This thread is hilarious - thank you everyone who's posted on it, my DD can't understand what I'm laughing at!

Squiggly_Diddly

I've just found this thread too - absolutely brilliant.... maybe I'll opt back out of TPS just so I can try out some of the tactics!!!!

CAFCgirl & Christmasshopper - your ones at the start of the thread were brilliant. And I Love the one about the little girl being home alone.....

sugarpants_2

hilarious thread...cheered my morning up!

gax23

finallydebtfree!! wrote: »

another time he had one call about gym membership and he pretended to get upset, they asked if he was ok and he said he had had his legs amputated a little while ago (sick I know but it got them off the phone) they were so apologetic! although someone above must have made him pay as the following week he badly sprained his ankle and was off work for 6 months!!

That just reminded me about one my dad got at work (he runs the company, so they always ask for him). Anyway, him and his workmates are real practical jokers and always on the wind up. A year or two ago the phone went and one of his staff answered.

Cold Caller: Hi, I was wondering if I could speak to X X please?
Employee: (Spotting a cold caller a mile off) Sorry, he's not available at the moment. Can I take a message?
CC: Yes, I was just wondering if I could interest him in an exclusive membership at our golf club.
E: I don't think that's very funny, do you?
CC: Pardon?
E: Well come on - he hasn't got any arms. Are you trying to take the p1ss?
CC: Oh my god!!! I'm so sorry!!!! *hangs up*

Absolutely fantastic :D (Of course, my dad does have arms!)

MothballsWallet

MKDave wrote: »

Milton Keynes is more than just Call Centres, Roundabouts and Concrete Cows. Tut tut Judderman!!

Yeah, it's inhabited by moronic drivers who have a mobile stuck to their ears, or train users who won't get out of the way at the station (especially when asked to).

the_rottweiler

my sis is really good at getting rid of cold callers i wish i had her guts. She got a call from someone saying that they had spoken to her husband and he had agreed to sell charity raffle tickets for them. she asked to speak to whoever had spoken to him.
as she was insistant on this they said they just had a note saying Mr M had agreed to sell the tickets
My sis then informed them that he hed died 2 years previously and if someone had spoken to him could they pass a few messages on from her:rotfl: :rotfl:

jamesbrownontheroad

Here's my handy tactic for dealing with foreign automated cold callers... if you haven't received one, these are easy to spot. An automated system bulk-calls thousands of random, probably sequential, numbers every day, with no regard for the TPS database. You will hear a recorded message informing you of a prize, holiday, car etc that invites you to press 9 to find out more.

These companies have been investigated before. They are effectively above UK law because they are calling from outside the country and Ofcom legislation does not apply to them. By bulk calling people, and only getting connected to those who respond by pressing a number on their keypad, they make cold calling substantially more cost effective by cutting out wasted call centre rep time. When you dial 1471 the system will give you a forged UK number such as 01789 0000000, 01789 9999999 or 01607 999999(9).

Now, you might just hang up at this point. But I prefer to dial 9 and act as excited as I possibly can...

Cold caller: Hello, and thanks for taking part in the [ spurious and utterly dubious "competition" ]. Can I have your name please?
Callee: [ gives fake name ] ... this sounds great, but could you just hold on one second, my kettle's just boiling / the cat is eating my grapes / the front door is open / etc.

Quietly put the handset down next to your phone, and leave it there until you hear the frustrated call centre rep terminate the call. After all, if they're prepared to waste your time, you should be prepared to waste theirs. The best I've had so far was about four and a half minutes, which is a loooong time for a call centre rep who's being paid by commission

Finally, if you're a BT customer, don't forget to call the BT Nuisance-call team on 0800 661441 (open 24/7) and log the call on option 3. Although there is no way of preventing these calls or getting legal recourse at the moment, every call logged with BT will be used in future investigations and or action.

For more information, see:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2008/dec/11/caller-id-faking-fraud

And join the very young and very small Facebook group:

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=627999061

paybacktime2008

My uncle was a policeman and told me this tactic to solve dirty calls. Keep a whistle by the phone and blow it very loudly thereby deafening the caller! Harsh but fair!

Uncertain

I had a friend who would answer any call from a number he didn't know with the greeting......

Bedford Crematorium, you kill them we grill them!!

The reactions were amazing!