Post Your Telephone Sales Wind Ups Here!

myrnahaz

After my Mum died, (before TPS) we were always getting cold calls from people asking to speak to her and it got so bad that I started saying 'no you can't speak to her - she's just died' - sometimes the caller apologised and hung up, but sometimes they asked for Mr Mum instead. Then, when my Dad died, we were clearing out his house when the phone rang. DS answered and I could hear him speaking in an imperious voice and telling the caller 'no, you can't speak to him - he's dead!'. When I asked who had called, DS told me that it was a guy called Ken - I realised that it was one of my Dad's old mates so I had to dial 1471 to call the guy back and spent the next 20 minutes giving bereavement counselling the poor old man who hadn't even realised Dad had been ill and was in complete shock. I had a quiet word with DS but couldn't help having a giggle as well.

My ex-brother in law used to tell cold callers that he couldn't buy insurance/windows/kitchens as he didn't have a house - if they got smart and asked how come he had a phone, he'd tell them that he had just heard the public phone box in the high street ring and thought he should answer it. Worked every time

fraz1975

This is how I deal with all Home Improvements Companies, never fails and I dont think any of them have the bit in the training manual about overcoming objections (yes i used to be one of these horrible sales people) to cover this :

Them : Hi I'm from such and such a company, we are currently in your area and were wondering if you could improve one room in your home what would it be ?
Me : I'm actually moving house very soon
Them : Oh OK thanks then

Short, simple, polite and effective

Although the good lady had me in stitches tonight when a hardy wee Eastern European guy came to the door trying to sell his artwork -

Him : I have brought these pictures today for you to buy
Her : Did anyone ask you to ?
Him : No, but I am an artist
Her : And I'm a dental nurse but am I wanting to see if you need any fillings ?
Him : But they are oil paintings on canvas
Her : Well I hope they're water proof because its about to start raining

With that she shut the door and I had the joyful sight of the confused wee guy standing staring at our door for about 20 seconds before heading off next door to try again

JCD_Capulet

I can't remember if I've posted in this thread already, but here's my trick.
Either being stopped in the street or being caught on the phone I always hear them out, and when they ask if I would like to sign up I say "there's no point" to which they respond with asking why and I say "because I'm up at court on tuesday for GBH and an aggrivated assault charge. I'm getting put away."

They tend to leave me alone after that :rotfl:

tealady

Love it! Thanks for reporting the spam by the way. Where did you get that spam picture from , its should be shared with more people!!!

JCD_Capulet

I just poped 'spam' into google, hit the images button, right clicked and saved the picture then uploaded to a photohoast site. It is a pretty gruesome spam picture.

Christmasshopper

Christmasshopper wrote: »

CC: We have a special offer on for homes in your street for a limited time only.
Me: Oooh! Lucky I was in today when you called. I might have missed the offer if I'd gone out.
CC: We are looking for a show home in your street and our offer is this...
If you buy our windows and doors for the front of your house, we will give you the windows and doors for the back of your house absolutely free.
Me: Absolutely free?
CC: Yes, absolutely free.
Me: Wow! I can't believe my luck. Absolutely free you say?
CC: Oh yes, absolutely free.
Me: No charge?
CC: No charge.
Me: So I buy windows and doors for the front and you give me windows and doors for the back for nothing?
CC (starting to sound a bit worried): That's right. So would you be interested.
Me: Oh yes.
CC: So would you like us to send one of our surveyers round to give you a quote.
Me: Oh no need for that, I'm perfectly happy with what you've already told me.
CC: But we'll need to measure your windows and doors.
Me: Yes.
CC: So would you like to make an appointment.
Me: Oh no need for that. Just measure them when you are in the area. They measure the same on the inside as they do on the outside. So it won't matter if I'm not in.
CC: So would you like to give me your address?
Me: It's the end house.
CC: The end house? Is that the name of your house?
Me: No silly. It's the house at the end of the street.
CC: What street?
Me: The street where you have the special offer for a limited time only.
CC: But I need to write the address down.
Me: Yes I don't mind you writing it down. But you won't give it to anyone else, will you?
CC: No, I need you to tell me the address.
Me: You already have it. You rang me to tell me about the special offer in my street, silly. You haven't forgotten have you?
CC: I don't actually have the address, I just have your phone number on my screen.
Me: Oh, you'd think they would put the address on your screen too wouldn't you.
CC: Well we don't actually have your address details.
Me: So how did you know about the special offer in my street?
CC: Ok it's just a random number generator. I'm sick of this job...
Beeeeeep
:T

Would you believe it??...The same company has just rung back.

A charming young man called Mark just had an almost identical conversation with me. Except he didn't admit he used a random number generator; he actually pretended he knew where I live and the surveyor WILL PROBABLY post a COMPLETELY FREE quote through my door when he is in the area.
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

SarahNeedle1872

Christmasshopper wrote: »

Would you believe it??...The same company has just rung back.

A charming young man called Mark just had an almost identical conversation with me. Except he didn't admit he used a random number generator; he actually pretended he knew where I live and the surveyor WILL PROBABLY post a COMPLETELY FREE quote through my door when he is in the area.
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

You would have thought after the last convo this company had with u that they would've taken ur number of their system - some people never learn!

Sarah x

tomstickland

I just phoned up space kitchens and told the operator that she'd been specially selected for a one time only kitchen deal.
She replied that she didn't have a kitchen!

They've now phoned me back a few times, the last conversation lasted about 20 minutes and they were adamant that their professional kitchen designers provided a service that was most excellent.

sonee2405

Our home number is very similar to the locol renault showroom and we get calls at odd hours of the day-I decided to pay a visit to the showroom had a browse and got to know the receptionists name , I also no the name of 1 of the guys from the workshop who takes care of the service aspect of cars.Many a time i have taken calls politley(i used to work in a call centre) gone with the flow and answered queries , put people on hold etc and i always introduce myself with the receptioists name.Sometimes i ring back on a private number from a mobile and leave messages to say that the cars ready to be picked up.I no it's nasty but its not pleasant being woken up at half 7 by people who want their renaults booking in for servicing.If they ring back to shout scream etc i talk back in a differnet language.

cheekyweegit

This thread is the best, addictive night in I've had for ages, and I've not spent a penny in true MSE style.

Here for your perusal are a few of mine.........................

Just answer phone from onset “Dundee City Council Morgue, the name of the dear departed is?”

I’m sorry but the deceased is unable to come to the phone right now

Yes my address for <insert quote> 15c (lived in a multi) at the time, but the guy was insistent he could quote me on my council house and planning permission would not be a problem.

Is that Mrs, <insert name> (lowering voice) no, but for £1.50 a minute I can be.

The house before this one, the phone number was one digit different to Boots the chemist. You can imagine the fun with this, and I was crap on giving advice on piles, although I did say I had piles of ironing to do.

Same number on above house, one button different again, was the local airport. Mmmm you were never sure what you were answering.

For the above two numbers no matter in some cases how often you said it they would not believe they dialled the wrong number!

Went through a phase when I was 17 getting perverts calling the house. Let’s just say my mother discovered a side of me she never knew and they always hung up before I did!

Is that Ms <insert name>, (silence for a bit), ha ha fooled you now leave a message after the tone BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

Is that Ms <insert name>; no I’m sorry she is not in at the moment, but you can ring her at work on <insert number of local constabulary for really annoying ones saying she has changed her number>.


Keep them coming PLEASE............:T:j:T:j:T