Should you have the same surname as your kids?

sharrison778

RainbowDreamer wrote: »

I got divorced about a year ago, but kept my married name so i would have the same surname as my children.

Do most do this? Has anyone gone back to their maiden name & had a different surname as their children?

I know its only a "name", but i hate having my exs surname. But i feel asthough if i change it back i will be letting my children down.
What if they asked in the future why?

Sorry im sure im being silly. Would love to hear your thoughts.

If you hate having that name, I think thats the best reason you could possibly have to change it.

If your children ask in the future, you explain that you and their father got divorced and so you reverted to your maiden name (orwhatever you choose). They'll understand.

Something else to consider is how you feel if your ex got re-married and his new wife took his name.

RainbowDreamer

The reason i dislike it is because my ex is vile. He also still thinks theres a chance with us because ive kept his name.
Plus our first names are very simular.
Im not that keen on my maiden name either.. but its more the "tie" i feel to ex. The kids could be called anything, theyd still mean the world to me.

floss2

sharrison778 wrote: »

...Something else to consider is how you feel if your ex got re-married and his new wife took his name.

She hyphenated it with her previous married name.

shelley_crow

Not having the same surname as the kids has never bothered me at all. It's never caused any confusion and I've never really thought about it.

dizziblonde

angelil wrote: »

I personally think it's important to have the same surname as your children...for practical reasons if nothing else! Trust me, teachers (for starters!) will usually address you automatically as "Mrs ChildOne'sLastName" I guess it depends on how much time you want to spend correcting people

Please also feel reassured that you're not the only one to have made this decision; I know many who have.

No way on this universe I do this these days - I play it safe and refer to them as "are you Freddie's mum?"

I had a different surname from my mum (and later my little brother) growing up as she'd remarried and kept my surname the original one and I DID feel it - had to explain the circumstances to teachers constantly (but it was a somewhat different world back then). In the end I actually requested it was changed so I fitted in.

Then my step-dad (who had subsequently shown himself to be a massive waste of oxygen) came back into my life and was strutting around with an "oh I see you kept my name" to which I replied, calm as ever (one of the few times in my life I've thought of the good comeback at a time able to actually use it), "No, I kept MY name."

SandBsMum

My OH and I aren't married, our 2 children have his surname, it rarely bothers me. (I say rarely, occasionally I'll feel a little pang over it, but that tends to be when I'm a hormonal, quivering wreck and most things induce pangs lol)

We did consider either getting married (we've actually been together 10 years, engaged for 8, never gotten around to the wedding bit!) or my changing my name, but it really doesn't bother me. I don't think I've ever had to explain myself either. I think because it's much more socially acceptable to have children outside of marriage the assumptions aren't as great as they were. When giving details I find people ask my first name/last name, then the same with the children, likewise at nursery and baby group if people don't know me as 'A' then I'm B or C's Mum, rather than 'Mrs B and C's surname' if that makes sense.

lazer

I think its sad that this is a question for so many people but then again I'm an idealist and think children should be born inside marriage, and that marriage is forever - until death do you part.

I am getting married in 3 months - and will promise the love, honour and cherish my husband, in sickness and in health, for richer for pooer, all the days of our lives. It saddens me to think that people make these vows and then x number of years down the line something happens and one party doesn't remember their vows and the marriage breaks down.

I think its a poor reflection on us as society that it is now common for children to have a different surname to their parents.

OP - I think you should do whatever makes you happy as long as your children are happy too - what age are they, are they old enough to understand your decision?

mildred1978

lazer wrote: »

I think its sad that this is a question for so many people but then again I'm an idealist and think children should be born inside marriage, and that marriage is forever - until death do you part.

I am getting married in 3 months - and will promise the love, honour and cherish my husband, in sickness and in health, for richer for pooer, all the days of our lives. It saddens me to think that people make these vows and then x number of years down the line something happens and one party doesn't remember their vows and the marriage breaks down.

I think its a poor reflection on us as society that it is now common for children to have a different surname to their parents.

OP - I think you should do whatever makes you happy as long as your children are happy too - what age are they, are they old enough to understand your decision?

They usually have the surname of one of their parents at least!!!

Not all married couples share the same surname (why should they??) so what should they do if children come along?

We'd been married perfectly happily, with our 'own' names, for 6 years before my son came along. He has my husband's surname as his surname, and mine as his 2nd middle name. It works for us and I'm sure won't be an issue for him.

lazer

mildred1978 wrote: »

They usually have the surname of one of their parents at least!!!

Not all married couples share the same surname (why should they??) so what should they do if children come along?

We'd been married perfectly happily, with our 'own' names, for 6 years before my son came along. He has my husband's surname as his surname, and mine as his 2nd middle name. It works for us and I'm sure won't be an issue for him.

Quite a few don't have the same name as either - child born to unmarried parents, is given the mothers name. Mother later marries someone else, so child doesn't have the same name as either parent - it is not an uncommon occurence.

You can say why should they share the same name - I can ask why shouldn't they?

To me marriage is about to individuals joining and becoming one couple who share everything - including a name!

mildred1978

lazer wrote: »

Quite a few don't have the same name as either - child born to unmarried parents, is given the mothers name. Mother later marries someone else, so child doesn't have the same name as either parent - it is not an uncommon occurence.

You can say why should they share the same name - I can ask why shouldn't they?

To me marriage is about to individuals joining and becoming one couple who share everything - including a name!

Different discussion perhaps, but not all of agree with the 'tradition' of taking a husband's name, and few men are enlightened enough to take their wife's name or choose a new name together.

Many women keep their name for professional reasons and their husband's for everything else then have a situation where they have to manage having 2 identities.

I didn't change when I married my husband, so I didn't want to change my name. I also didn't want the instant association to be to his family rather than my own. We also dont have any joint accounts. Doesn't make us any less married, nor our son any less mine. I did insist that my surname feature somewhere, and neither of us wanted to double barrel.

I believe this having the same name thing is rare in other countries and cultures. Not sure why we're so insistent in sticking with it.