Should you have the same surname as your kids?

geminilady

Elelyn wrote: »

I grew up with a different name to my mother (she divorced my father, remarried and took new husbands name then divorced again and reverted to her maiden name) and I hated it. It was bad enough knowing I was different to my school friends as I only had one parent on the scene but having a different name made it even worse. For this reason when I got married I couldn't wait to take my husbands name. For me it is really important than when we have children we will all be known by the same surname. It creates a sense of identity and security as a family IMHO.

I also grew up with a different name to my mum and two half brothers and hated it,other kids used to ask if I was adopted and my brothers used to make rhymes up about my surname it is much better if all have the same surname

pollyanna24

Jinx wrote: »

Mine has called me by my first name since she was 2! lol Its quite endearing actually, although when she was small if she fell over or was upset it was 'muuuum'.

I returned to my maiden name after my divorce and daughter kept her dads surname - it was never a problem with the school or anyone else. I think its so common these days for everyone to have different situations that its unremarkable.

Bit off topic, but when I am in a soft play area with my 3yr old, I have told her not to shout "Mummy" if she is in trouble or stuck somewhere, but to shout my first name as everyone is called Mummy in those types of places!

Sandhy

I kept my married name while my kids were growing up. My daughter then got married (and adopted her husband's surname). I waited until my youngest was 18 before reverting to my maiden name.
I did consult them for their opinions but had pretty much made up my mind by then! If one of them had objected strongly I might have reconsidered. I used to hate my maiden name but now I find it ok but best of all is ridding myself of my married name :j
Obviously my son has the surname that I was married with but it's not an issue at all.
I'm really pleased I reverted back to my maiden name and feel it was a good part of ridding myself of the bad marriage.

cottonhead

I think its better to have the same name - you are a family after all and the name does mean something in my opinion. If my kids were young enough I think I would personally either go back to my maiden name and have theirs changed or make up a whole new name and get all of you to change names ! If the kids are older I would ask what they think. I know its probabloy far from your mid but what if you get re married / have more kids ? Think of a solution that lasts long term.

HellsGranny

I kept my married name after I was widowed, to aviod confusion for my kids at school. but now I have reverted to my maiden name, and my son has taken it too, his own choice.

Cheers, HG

FBaby

My kids have their dad's name, have a strong association to it, and not only I don't mind, but it has never caused any problems in any way (they are 9 and 12). I had a bad experience myself as a kid about this issue. My first surname was my mom's because my parents were not married at the time. When they did, I automatically took on my dad's name and that is the one I learnt to be my name (as kids, we love to repeat our names over and over!), but when a few years after my parents divorced, my mum decided that I should take her name again as it was the one I was born with. I never told her but to me, it was never my name because it wasn't the one I grew to know as mine. I didn't care one bit that I didn't have the same name than my mum. I kept quiet for years so not to upset her, but when I turned 18, I started using my dad's name again (the one that had always been on my passport anyway), and even if I get married one day, it is the one I will keep!

My kids can't seem to care less that their name is different to mine. It is interesting when we go on holiday with my partner. We look like the perfect 'normal' family, yet have passports with three different surnames!!

mgdavid

mildred1978 wrote: »

...... I don't answer to "Mrs OH's surname", "Mrs My-surname" or anything else but my name (Miss or Ms My-surname). .......

sounds a bit rude; surely a polite acknowledgement followed by a request to use the 'preferred' name would not be too difficult?

mildred1978

mgdavid wrote: »

sounds very rude; surely a polite acknowledgement followed by a request to use the 'preferred' name would not be too difficult?

Doesn't come up that often, to be honest.

Friends know, family know, bank only have the details I've given them, dentist and doctors unchanged (and my son's stuff comes through in his name), accountant knows, my business card doesn't give my marital status.

I ask everyone to call me Milly in any case. I'll make sure my son's nursery/school know when the time comes etc.

What makes you think I'm not polite?

JC9297

HellsGranny wrote: »

I kept my married name after I was widowed, to aviod confusion for my kids at school. but now I have reverted to my maiden name, and my son has taken it too, his own choice.

Cheers, HG

I believe most widows keep their married name unless they go on to remarry. After divorce a woman may want to distance herself from her ex but when you are widowed they usually don't.

Person_one

lazer wrote: »

I think its sad that this is a question for so many people but then again I'm an idealist and think children should be born inside marriage, and that marriage is forever - until death do you part.

Hmm, I wonder how seriously you really take that. I believe the OP was in a very abusive marriage, they occasionally end in the premature death of one partner. That's quite a commitment.