Should you have the same surname as your kids?

RainbowDreamer

I got divorced about a year ago, but kept my married name so i would have the same surname as my children.

Do most do this? Has anyone gone back to their maiden name & had a different surname as their children?

I know its only a "name", but i hate having my exs surname. But i feel asthough if i change it back i will be letting my children down.
What if they asked in the future why?

Sorry im sure im being silly. Would love to hear your thoughts.

angelil

I personally think it's important to have the same surname as your children...for practical reasons if nothing else! Trust me, teachers (for starters!) will usually address you automatically as "Mrs ChildOne'sLastName" I guess it depends on how much time you want to spend correcting people

Please also feel reassured that you're not the only one to have made this decision; I know many who have.

jgh

Normally, your children would have the same surname as you, not the other way around.
Legally, your name is whatever name that you go by, as long as it is not for fraudulant purposes.
Why not go back to your maiden name, or chose some other name, and make that your, and your children's surname.

RainbowDreamer

I cant change the childrens surname without their fathers permission, which would never happen.

balletshoes

I think it is fairly common to keep the same surname as your children have when you divorce. Thats certainly what my friend did, many years ago, when she got divorced, so her surname stayed the same as her young son's.

cavework

My 2 kids have 2 different surnames. I have been married twice ..
Son had a bit of a wobbly when he started school as his younger brother had just been born
He wanted the the same surname as his Brother.. this lasted about 12 months but because he had regular access with his Dad he then decided to revert back to his original surname which he has stuck with ever since.
Teacher at his school told me not to worry as its quite common.
I don't think your kids will have a problem with this .. you might yourself come across some in the future.
Just be honest with them as they grow up and treat any situations such as parents evening when they call you as Mrs **** as a bit of a laugh
Your main name is Mum .. thats what really matters to them ..;)

annie_d

During my first marriage I retained my maiden name and had three children who took thier dads surname. It made no difference to anyone, including schools.
Quite recently my youngest daughter chose to change her name by deed poll. I remarried but kept my maiden name.....four names but still one family.

sheldon08

I've recently gone back to my maiden name so have a different name now to my kids (aged 20 and 16) I waited until my daughter was almost finished at school but if anyone in the future calls me "MrsDaughter'ssurname" I'm not going to get ersey about it, why would I?

I needed my own identity after having had my step-father's name growing up so it was VERY important for me to change my name to my birth name. I spoke to my kids about it and they weren't even that bothered, the understood my reason. Probably helps as they are that bit older, mind:)

Have you asked your children how *they* feel about it?

mildred1978

I've never had the same surname as my husband, and I don't have the same surname as our child. I don't answer to "Mrs OH's surname", "Mrs My-surname" or anything else but my name (Miss or Ms My-surname). In fact, I'd far rather just be called Milly by pretty much everyone.

Dazi

I didn't want to keep my married name, didn't want to go back to my maiden name because I never liked it, so changed my name by deed poll to my mum's maiden name. Kids were mid teens and were not bothered.

GobbledyGook

I don't think it matters at all. Growing up I had a different name from my grandparents and they primarily brought me up (I also had my fathers name and my mother didn't). Yes, teachers occasionally called my grandmother Mrs Fathersname, but it wasn't a big deal at all.

I've kept my married name. Primarily because I have no inclination to revert to my father's name. I considered changing to my grandparents name, but my name has become "my" name over the years (if that makes sense) and I couldn't be bothered changing it.

One thing I do strongly dislike is the current trend for changing children's names. I can understand it when the child is old enough to ask, but the changing of a child's name when parents split up or a parent remarries (I'm not talking about children old enough to decide or who are adopted by step-parents - I'm talking about changing it without any thought for the child). No-one should have the right (imo) to change a child's name without their permission and before they are old enough to understand the consequences of that decision themselves. I've worked with children of 8 and 9 who've had 3 or 4 different surnames. Or most annoyingly whose name is changed to their mother's maiden name every time she (frequently) leaves their father, then it gets changed back again either when they reunite or Dad objects.