I am hurt

samuela66

Hi,

To cut a long story short, my partners brother is getting married in 6 weeks, they booked one of the cheaper weddings that are in hotels!
Thing is his brother is a gambler, his Dad lent him 13,000 pounds this time last year to pay some debts off, on the proviso he paid him back £300 per month, he has missed payments quite a few times, when he got engaged my partner had to go guarantor for the ring, but I think he did pay for that, anyways it turns out in the last month he has gambled over 12,000 pounds, they cant pay rent, council tax, bills, his dad, plus he had also told his fiancee he had paid for the honeymoon and the £2000 owing to the hotel.............this was all lies.
She rang up all upset on sunday after he told her he had spent both their wages and not paid for anything.
My boyfriend and his dad went down to see him and he said he would go to gamblers anon (he hasnt been yet), then they felt sorry for him and were thinking of lending him the money....
The thing I am so hurt about is my partner came home form work last night and blurted out he had took out a £7000 loan in his name for him because his brother needed to pay for honeymoon and hotel, when all he has done is gamble it away.
I couldnt of stopped him doing it but I would of told him to pay these people directly (knowing what he is like)
I cannot speak to him and am so upset.....

I just needed to get it off my chest and dont suppose any one can really advise....

Mojisola

samuela66 wrote: »

Thing is his brother is a gambler, his Dad lent him 13,000 pounds this time last year to pay some debts off, on the proviso he paid him back £300 per month, he has missed payments quite a few times, when he got engaged my partner had to go guarantor for the ring, but I think he did pay for that, anyways it turns out in the last month he has gambled over 12,000 pounds, they cant pay rent, council tax, bills, his dad, plus he had also told his fiancee he had paid for the honeymoon and the £2000 owing to the hotel.............this was all lies.

She rang up all upset on sunday after he told her he had spent both their wages and not paid for anything.

My boyfriend and his dad went down to see him and he said he would go to gamblers anon (he hasnt been yet), then they felt sorry for him and were thinking of lending him the money....

The thing I am so hurt about is my partner came home form work last night and blurted out he had took out a £7000 loan in his name for him because his brother needed to pay for honeymoon and hotel, when all he has done is gamble it away.
I couldnt of stopped him doing it but I would of told him to pay these people directly (knowing what he is like)

I cannot speak to him and am so upset.....

I would be telling her to call the wedding off before her life is ruined by this man! Does she really think he is going to change?

If my OH enabled an addict in this way, I would be furious. I think I'd have to put some space between us even if it was only until he'd realised what a fool he'd been and promised never to do it again.

quintwins

I would not be ok with this either, as a general rule you should only lend money your ok with losing and never lend money to family.

I don't think your oh should have got involved his brother has made his own bed and he needs to lie in it, his father bailing him out and his brother paying his wedding and his parnter still going threw with said wedding like everythings fine just teaches him that he's actions have no consequences because someone will be there to bail him out.

Really feel for you as i'd be fumming, feel for your hubby aswell as it's an awful situation to be in and now he prob feels like he can't win either way he lets someone down.

FatVonD

In your position I would be absolutely furious, has he actually handed over the money yet? I'd be doing everything I could to get him to pay it straight back to the bank.

I'm sure people will say it's up to him but you'll be making up the shortfall for stuff your OH can't pay for while he's paying back his brother's loan so it IS your business.

samuela66

FatVonD wrote: »

In your position I would be absolutely furious, has he actually handed over the money yet? I'd be doing everything I could to get him to pay it straight back to the bank.

I'm sure people will say it's up to him but you'll be making up the shortfall for stuff your OH can't pay for while he's paying back his brother's loan so it IS your business.

Yes he has given him the 7k which he gambled away this month, and didnt pay anything, the story gets better though, its his stag this weekend. well he is having 6 days in spain, my b/f said its his punishment that he cant go cos he spent all the money, but then his fiances father is now paying off the wedding and has given him the money to go to spain, you wouldnt believe it would you?????:eek: I have tried to speak to his fiance but she is determined to marry him, I told her well this is how you will live the rest of your life!

FatVonD

Dear God, she must be *really* desperate to get married, what is she thinking??!

sassyblue

So your hubby has taken out a 7k loan for his brother without consulting you? He must have known what his brother was, has fil offered to pay off hubby's loan? Can you afford to pay it off?

OMG my hubby's bag would be packed for him if he did that to me, good luck in dealing with that....

Eta l see you're not married now so not hubby....

FBaby

How does he manages to charm them all? Did he take hypnosis or something? Yes, it is hard to believe that anyone could be fooled in giving him money when he gambled it all away.

I would be furious with my partner too for not discussing it with me first. Hope you make it clear the monthly payment will be coming of his spare/disposable income, nothing joint.

fluffnutter

Hurt?? I'd be absolutely !!!!ing furious. Lending gamblers money for whatever reason just facilitates their addiction. This will never end well, no matter how well-intentioned your partner is.

You can do nothing about your OH's brother's gambling. Nor can you do anything about this wedding. That's for his fiancee to deal with, not you. Keep well out of it. But you can do something about your OH. You need to have a talk with him and make him realise that lending his brother money is absolutely a no-no. No guaranteeing ring purchases, no hand-outs here and there, and certainly no loans. Seven grand, fgs! That's a shocking amount of money and no doubt it's just been pissed straight up the gambling wall.

We all want to help those we love. But giving gamblers money is exactly the same as buying an alcoholic 20 bottles of Smirnoff. Read your OH the riot act before this destroys your own relationship.

poet123

That sounds like an awful situation all round. The FIL is not helping by paying for the wedding and stag do. Does he know the sil to be is such a gambler? The poor girl. she has not got much to look forward to has she?

I would be furious if I were you but I suppose your OH felt obliged. No advice really, just good luck dealing with it in a way you can find acceptable for your relationship.

sassyblue

FatVonD wrote: »

Dear God, she must be *really* desperate to get married, what is she thinking??!

She must be thinking l can have whatever l want and if we cant repay it fil will bail us out!