Preventing future wife taking 50% in possible future divorce.

tonybobs

You've only been together for a few months. IMHO, it's waaaaaay too soon to be discussing marriage, pre-nups, kids etc. You've already said you don't want to consider this until you're in your late 20's.

Your girlfriend does not need a piece of paper to share your life. If she's pressing you for a ring at this early stage I would be slightly concerned about her intentions.

My friend built up a property portfolio during his years in the RAF, Just one at a time and had about 20 by the time he met his girlfriend. They married (her idea.... unsurprisingly) and separated after 2 years & 2 kids later. She was having an affair. Now divorced and she wants the lot.
Terrible mess.

tankgirl2000_2

Hi,
I am sitting here seething and trying to work out why? It has dawned on me that the discussion has little to do with valuing the contributions that women(in the main) make in holding this society together. So what if you are a banker, gp or architect. Your work, in my opinion, is of NO greater value than that of a mother. YOU try raising children, it is often thankless and challenging work, but if it is not done well or conscientiously the consequences are indeed dire. It is 24/7, no time off! No annual leave! no sick cover! No pension! If you are married and have a family, you each make an equal contribution to that family, either as the bread winner or the home-maker.

What would you deem that the mother of your child's contribution IS worth, a pittance in alimony and having a life style that in no way relates to the one she had when married? would you have your children raised in a comparatively poorer condition than you their father? or perhaps you are proposing to give up work in that circumstance and undertake at least fifty percent of the child rearing?

Do NOT marry this girl unless you are prepared to consider her your equal partner in all areas. Find someone who shares your financial perspective, who will employ cleaners and nannies, and who will work for her own rewards. Be prepared then, if that relationship deteriorates, for a simple and emotionless divorce, with prenups all in place and a battle over who will take responsibility for your off-spring!

I am speaking here as, until recently, the primary bread-winner for my, earning a few thousand a year more than my partner. I gave up my very well paid job to permanently care for my son who has autism. As it was before I resigned my post, whatever money we have is ours.

I do hope you do not see this as me being nasty, this world is deteriorating and we are beginning to lose sight of what is important, both within families and within the larger society. Don't plan to divorce, plan to be the best possible husband and father you can, then the need for a prenup will be much reduced.

Good luck to you both

RibenaBerry_2

I agree with TankGirl. This thread has upset me too, and for much the same reasons. This isn't a dig at the OP by the way, you're 23 and in your first 'real' job. I do understand how it must feel to go from nothing to earning well.

BUT I think that it's important in any of these discussions to remember two things:

1. you never know what life will throw at you;
2. marriage is a partnership.

On 1, sadly my best example is the world of celebrity trivia (don't know many people in the US, where these things actually work...) When Jessica Simpson married Nick Lachey, her Dad refused a pre-nup. He was her manager and, as he saw it, she would be better off without one. Nick was the star. Fast forward a few years and it's divorce. Nick's earnings have plumeted, Jessica's have rocketed. Now, her Dad's 'sound advice' has cost her a packet. As others have said, remember that life changes along the road. It's a journey and you never know where you will come out.

2. Do remember that, in the eyes of the law, if you get married, it stops being 'your money', everything belongs to both of you and they will split it how they see fit. As others have said, pre-nups will be taken into account, but only if they fit with what the court thinks is fair anyway. When you marry (at least in the church version) you say 'all that I have, I give to you'. If that type of committment isn't for you then living together is a probably better for you. It's the difference between sharing your life with someone (living together) and merging your entire lives (getting married).

hollydays

Troll.............

Sid's_a_gardener

I hope your girlfriend reads the plea for advice and dumps you.

jobbingmusician

I think the OP has made a sensible post. I also believe that he loves his GF - especially as he notes that her money management is improving.

I'm sorry, I don't know the answer to the question 'do pre-nups work in the UK'. However, I have a couple of questions of my own which I think might help the 'thinking through' process - remember these are asked by someone who SUPPORTS your original question, in the spirit of helping you think things through.

1. You say your GF spends all her money while you save all yours. Is this true, or is it just that she is on the breadline, so normal spending (with perhaps the odd treat) uses all her income, while normal spending (with perhaps the odd treat) means that you are saving a packet?

2. Are you sure that this thread is about 'what if we fall out of love and get divorced' rather than 'what if I have to support her for the rest of her life'? To help you with this process, think what would happen if she was diagnosed with a disease which meant that she would never work again - you can think about all the levels including being her full time carer (or having to provide one). Do you want your pre-nup to cover these eventualities (I hope not, but thinking about how you would care for your lover as a total dependant is part of thinking about the relationship, IMHO).

Hope this helps (and hope, of course, that you never have to face any of the scenarios I have just suggested).

I wish you both the very best in your relationship - she is lucky to have such a farsighted bloke!

jmd355

Hi,

Just to give you an idea of what happens when you earn good money - my ex husband and I divorced 16 months ago, we have two children and my solicitor wanted to press for spousal maintenance, amongst other things, as his salary was good (60k + 34k bonus etc) but things were so bad in the matrimonial home that I just ended up with child maintenance per month (20% of take home pay - he wouldn't declare bonus even though its annual), so although the money was there I couldn't take anymore and opted for his financial care of the children. Life is tough financially now, but the children and I are happy - thats all that matters!

sleepymy

hollydays wrote: »

Troll.............

Methinks you could be right.

mpython

hollydays wrote:

Troll.............

sleepymy wrote: »

Methinks you could be right.

I'm starting to think that as well......though if true, the OP appears to have scratched a raw nerve with many peeps.....

sleepymy

mpython wrote: »

I'm starting to think that as well......though if true, the OP appears to have scratched a raw nerve with many peeps.....

Yes, the true quest of the troll