Preventing future wife taking 50% in possible future divorce.

Londlad

Hi. First post, and the subject of which might offend some... so apologies if I cause offence:

My situation: Age: 23
Graduated: 8 months ago, started working immediately and currently in my first job (inv banking).
Earnings: Currently 60k PA, but this could increase dramatically in future (a good starting year due to city bonuses, or decrease.. but all is uncertain).
Savings: ~ 50k (but increase each month as I live rent/mortgage free)
--- Sorry, I imagine some of you hate me already. I assume forums like these are often frequented by people less fortunate than myself. ---

I have a girlfriend who is already talking about marriage. I wouldnt want to Marry before I was 26/27... but she wants to know that I'm serious about doing so in future (which I am).
Putting aside the fact I love her... my problem is as follows (forgive insensitivity, im listening to brain and not my heart when writing this):

She earns approx 13k with no qualifications or drive/career goals. There is no chance she will ever be likely to earn more than 15-20k.
She has little or no savings, and spends what she earns (as opposed to myself, who saves every last penny).
She wants kids... which I'd be happy with but only when I'm a little older.

If things do not work out in married life, is there ANYTHING I can do now to limit my losses in divorce?
Are prenuptuals of any use? Do they tend to stand up in court, or are they often overruled? Can they take into account potential future earnings, instead of current earnings?
Do they take into account moneys saved by people before the wedding date?

We have such different opinions on how to handle money.
She earns little, and spends it all. I earn lots, and spend none.
A good combination you might think, but I wouldn't be happy with her one day taking half of it.
Some say we are too different and from different social classes to make it work.. but the love is there, so I disagree.
Others say if the love was there, this stuff wouldn't bother me... but I also disagree. I wouldn't be much of a 'money saving expert' if I didn't consider these things.

Is there any way in life to keep finance seperate from married life?
The law seems really against the wealthier partner, especially if they are male. The recent settlements you read about in the papers when rich bankers have to give away millions really scare the hell out of me.
The lawyer fees are scarier still.

I'm just tring to plan for the future (as always). Please don't reply with "you clearly haven't found love" or things along those lines. Many find love in different ways, and many worry about money in different ways. My heart often tells me I should forget about this sort of thing, but the statistics are scary (1 in 3 marriages fail). I know I shouldnt start a relationship worrying about it failing, but I am a realist, and this is my nature.


Any advice appreciated.

Regards. Londlad.

pinkdiamond

MARRY ME INSTEAD!!!!! just kidding. but you are right to think about this seriously. i am the same now i have built up assest. i really wonder whether i would risk splitting them 50/50 for marriage. in my experience love is very fragile!

tosco12

Bin her...it is obvious reading the post that you dont want to share.Dont give her a bean............Just bin her, stay single and enjoy life to the full. Use the 4 Fs rule and you wont go wrong.

Lusignan

If you're determined to proceed with the relationship, you need to sit down and discuss your respective attitudes on money. I don't know whether pre-nups are any good, but you could look into it with a lawyer - whether she'd sign is a different matter; personally I wouldn't because I take the view that in marriage all assets and debts are joint. You haven't said how long you've been together, but I've not read anything in your post to suggest there's marriage material there. Why do you think she'll never earn more? Lack of education or ambition?

Curious_Moose

Tell her you're ditching your 60k p.a. job and want to become a postman so you will be able to spend more time with her and the kids. See how she reacts.

bigpaws23

If I were her *I* would be the one suggesting a pre-nup to prove that my love was real to you.
Have you asked her about her thoughts on this?

Curious Mooses' response had me :rotfl: but I think there is some validity in there!

Good luck!

bigpaws x

Bagpuss1973

Not too sure about the pre-nup - I mean whether they are worth the paper they are written on or not.

You are only 23 so I think you are very sensible in thinking this through. I would strongly suggest speaking to a solicitor about this. (And I am female who lost everything through divorce so I can see where you are coming from!)

Maybe you could see how she reacts to doing free/cheap things together so get a good feel about whether she just expects you to wine and dine her all the time and foot the bill.

Also, think maybe you need to sit down and talk to her about it - be honest and ask what she thinks - if she is in it for the long haul with you then she needs to know how you feel. There might be a way of protecting what you had before you marry but I really don't know, as long as you would be willing to support her in an appopriate fashion if you have children together and it later doesn't work out I cannot really see a problem.

Wish you well

Bagpussx

iglimpse

You are right to be sheepish asking for advice on here. You are clearly intelligent, why would you rely on legal advice from here?

You can clearly afford to pay for advice, get on with it.

Not everyone here is in debt but they value the support and help they get to help with life's problems, not helped by the fact that the vast majority could never afford the luxury of paying for professional advice.

After the advice, your relationship issues are a whole new ball game. Don't sound much to me like you are ready to commit anyway

Lusignan

He's asked for options, and maybe a listening ear. Nothing wrong with that. He doesn't deserve to be attacked.

reehsetin

pre-nups ive heard arent legally worth much in the UK but could be seen as statements of intention so could reduce the amount she'd get in the event of a divorce,

Tustastic

Hi LL, I don't think you're wrong to try and work this all out before marriage. Bagpuss's suggestion about getting legal advice is a good one.
However if the marriage did fail, it would probably be after your children had arrived. Mothers usually get custody of the children, the children deserve to live in the comfort they had when mum and dad were together (I'm sure you agree with this).... so dad needs to fund the main household AND his own separate living expenses. That's where the money goes.
If I were in your position, I would share absolutely everything with my spendthrift low-earning OH. BUT I would have the house in my name, my name would be on all the bills and if they needed a credit card, I would provide a pre-paid one. The OH would live a wonderfully luxurious lifestyle including the luxury of being a stay-at-home-mum BUT there would be no scope to run up huge bills, get sneaky credit or to waste my money unless I wanted it wasted. If the OH wanted more money, they would have the option of going out to work again once the children were safely settled at school.
Edit to add - a low-paid friend of mine married a very high-earning man in the 90s. They lived the high life while she kept a beautiful home and looked after their children. Now both the children are at school, she is back at her low-paid work and they are living in a much smaller home to save money for the high-earner's next big dream. Neither of them think this is unfair.