Preventing future wife taking 50% in possible future divorce.

tankgirl2000_2

Hey Lonlad,

This thread is never going to go away until you promise to entirely reconsider your approach! (LOL)

Just one other small point, the media cannot impact on our society if we don't let them! What good has the americanisation of this country done...?

Now go away and read the wedding vows and unless you can live by them, and feel certain that she can also, don't do it!

Again, good luck to you both

Katmc2k

hi

i'm sorry you read my post in the light you did, was trying to be supportive. i'm really sorry if it didn't come across that way.

good luck in your future.

EDIT: i really am sorry, and wasn't insinuating any of those things, just adding my own thoughts/experiences to what others had said.

Londlad

Thx tankgirl. I realise now I should have kept this post less detailed and just asked a more 'matter of fact' question about steps 'one' can take to protect 'oneselves' in this sort of situation...
detailing my personal situation didn't really do anything but cloud the type of responses i was after.
Still, keeps the thread interesting, and the number of people that have viewed it is unbelievable.

The wedding vows can wait a couple of years.
I think i'll forget all about this stuff for now. Typical me, jumping the gun and trying to plan for everything and cover every angle.
Katmc2k. Sorry for biting your head off.

newmum1

I can fully appreciate your situation, but surely love matters more than money, my situation is my OH earns at least £20,000 more than me but he fritters it away whereas I have seen the error of my ways and are trying to pay off my debts where he is still spending. Anyway if you love her and you do end up getting divorced then what does it matter if she gets half you both love each other so money should have nothing to do with it. Ansd as for you statistic of 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce then what about the 2 that go on to have a happy marriage you could be one of those. you are very young just live life to the full and dont worry about the 'serious aspects till u need to, u said u weren't ready to get married just yet.

bandraoi

I think what you need right now is a tax&investment advisor not a prenup/solicitor.

Primrose

I think you are right to think seriously about your financial future. What really sounds a big warning bell for me (and I'm a woman) is that you are looking at a prospective marriage partner with whom you don't seem to have very much in common, especially in one of the fundamental sources of conflict in marriage, which is MONEY. She wants to spend it even though somebody else is earning it and you have a more long sighted attitude. I would go even further to be unkind and summon a guess that she has lined you up as a very nice future meal ticket. What represents attractions in a relationship for you now, coming from different social classes may well soon start to fade in marriage when the friction about money starts, as in your case I suspect it well might. I'm tempted to throw an even big spanner in your works and suggest you tell her you're seriously thinking of throwing your job up and retraining to be a teacher. I think her reaction may very well give you a hidden insight of what some of her real motives might be and the standard of living she expects you to provide for her. Couples need to develop together as they move forward. Your girlfriend sounds as if she possibly doesn't have the education or motivation to move forward with you and this too in the future could be the cause of your growing further apart. Is she capable of inspiring and motivating you? Can you have serious intellectual conversations together and feel that you are equal partners? These are some serious issues you need to address in addition to the dilemma you have about future marital finances. Already there seems to be a large degree of mistrust in your feelings towards her. Believe me, you are not true sole mates if you feel like this before you're even married. Bite the bullet, break the relationship and find somebody with whom you will feel comfortable having an equal emotional and intellectual partnership in the years ahead.

Dummie_2

Hi There

Just wanted to say that I understand where you are coming from and think you are very wise to plan ahead.

I am too on the thinking that when 2 people marry, everything is equal and shared but what we're talking about here is what happens when that marriage ends.

When my DH and I met nearly 10yrs ago he was seriously in debt and in a badly paid job. I on the other hand had savings and a well paid job. I never minded. I even helped pay off his debt after we were together for a little while which in hindsight probably wasn't really wise. Anyway, we are now married with a 2yr old lovely son. DH has worked hard at his career and have attended a number of further educational courses. He's now the director of his own company and I'm lucky enough to be a stay at home mum. Money isn't considered HIS or MINE. It's OURS. Just a little story about how things can change.

If you are serious about this then I think you should bring it up earlier rather than later.

bluekp

Sus1e wrote: »

I have just sat down and read this whole thread. The first thing that came into my mind was TROLL as well.........

If this is genuine then I appologise.

Ditto - I was thinking that too especially after the whole 'sleeping with the wifes cousins girlfriend' thread the other day!

suekjw

I would spend some of your 60K PA on getting proper legal advice. (Agree about it being a troll though!)

sharkmark

I am just going to add my two pennyworth....

Would you start a new business with this cautious attitude...? Would you start up a company thinking it might go bankrupt? Some would start a new company thinking of the worst case scenario and you'd probably be inhuman and daft not to consider it but when launching a new company you've got to be positive about it.

A good company is built on the foundations of the staff believing inwardly that the company can work and also projecting outwardly to external companies and customers that it is going to be a success. You would again be daft not to have doubts about the company but if you don't believe in it then nobody else will and it's inlikely the venture will do as well as it should or could have done.

A company would of course arm itself legally in case of banruptcy...with lots of expensive lawyers...now if we look at your relationship as the forming of this new venture then part of me thinks you are right to pursue a legal pre-nup but part of me is saddened that you'd plan in this way (brain vs heart)

You don't exude the signs of success and seem doubtful if this is the right relationship...

Whichever way you decide to go let us know - it'll be interesting in a year or 10 to see what happened - the morale debate will continue even after you've given up listening to us...!!!

Good luck and congrats on job - many new graduates don't find work and certainly not on your salary - let's hope there isn't a crash like in the 80's (I'm old enough to remember) or then your g'friend may be supporting you!!! Oh the irony!