TTC without support of some family members.

Alibat

Go for it. It's your life, your choice to make. If your parents fall out then that's between them and nothing to do with you. TBH if they choose to split over something like this then the marriage can't be that secure in the first place.

My DD1 has just had a baby. She has a BMI that from what you've said I'm guessing is much higher than yours and when she said she was expecting I was thrilled for her but also worried for her health (worries I kept to myself - the last thing she needed was me being all doom and gloom bashing on about them). I thought she would suffer with SPD, gestational diabetes, the lot, and I was ready to help and support her as best I could, but she didn't have any problems. She didn't even have swollen hands and feet towards the end. She lost a lot of weight due to morning sickness and at the end had only put 7lbs on, and her baby was just over 9lbs. Being at a higher risk of these things doesn't make it inevitable you're going to get them but if your dad is anything like my DH then getting them to see that is an uphill battle.

Good luck, I hope everything goes well for you.

FatVonD

1.5 stone doesn't sound excessively overweight (I was thinking you might be morbidly obese!)

I was 10.5 stone when I got pregnant (my 'natural' weight through most of my adult life had been 9st 3lbs) but, from the minute I had my IVF treatment I ate really, really healthily, (for my baby's sake) I absolutely didn't diet but I think I only put on about half a stone during my pregnancy so, given it's quite normal to put on about 2 stone, once I'd had him, I'd actually lost weight IYSWIM.

dizsiebubba

I agree that your family should be supportive of your decisions to some extent, but I also think it is their place to stick their nose in and offer advice to protect you from making a bad judgement call.

At the risk of being shot down in flames here….I am only young myself so am not trying to be patronising but there is a big difference between a couple of years in your 20’s and as somebody who worked full time from age 17 and moved out with the OH aged 19… there is a big difference between being 20 & being 23 in you emotionally. I really think that you should at least think about trying to get past your 21st birthday before TTC.

Yes it make take years, but at the same time you could fall straight away and the question is are you REALLY ready if you got a positive test next month? I know everybody is different and you might think that you are very mature for your age, but I am 4 years older than you & the first of my own aged friends to have a baby whilst TTC… a few fell by accident and the others wouldn’t even dream of TTC yet as they are still so young in their minds. I’m overweight but fell on the first cycle we started trying so I don’t believe in all that rubbish… I think it more to do with stress & age of both parents. Being so young it is very likely you will fall quickly if you give your body a few months to clear of any contraceptives.

Your dad will still see you as his little girl…I left home 4 years before we started TTC and my dad was over the moon with our news but he still likes to boss me about, give me advice etc. Are you an only? At the end of the day your dad will melt when he holds his grandchild for the first time

Think long and hard about what you are doing – my post isn’t meant to discourage you, it was just meant to offer some advice from someone not too much older than you xxx

Taadaa

I suspect your dad is concerned for you and has what he thinks is best for you in his motives. Also don't forget that as you are engaged, have moved out and now want to have a baby of your own, he may well be finding it hard to come to terms with you being a grown up now..you know how dads can be with their daughters.

I think you should try and resolve his concerns..because if it all goes t!ts up (and I really hope that it doesn't, of course), he might get a bit 'well I TOLD you this would happen...', which might damage your relationship longer term.

Just as an aside, your mortgage rate might go up considerably when you come off your fixed rate. Not trying to scare you, but don't be naive about it. I earn more than both of you combined and DH earns that again plus some, and I still worry about things like this - I am 23 weeks with my second.

tea_lover

You sound very mature, settled and aware of what you want from life. All good things!

I can't really help with how to handle your dad, but I can definitely empathise with the endo issues. I'm 33 now and was diagnosed about 7 years ago (after years of being fobbed off). I've had lots of laps, and various hormone treatments and am still in a lot of pain a lot of the time. It's really not a nice condition! I also have PCOS. We've been TTC for 3 years, with no luck so far. We're currently just at the start of fertility treatment - so fingers crossed. Don't let that scare you though, I know lots of other people with endo who have no problems conceiving at all.

There's lots of help and support on the TTC and waiting to TTC threads if you ever fancy a chat.

clearing_out_my_pockets

SqueekyMouse wrote: »

Just a point I wondered if you'd considered - you want to loose weight along the way. I believe that dieting can adversely effect your chances of conceiving and certainly isn't recommended during a pregnancy, so it might be worth addressing your weight first. Unless you intend to simply increase your exercise as you have mentioned previously.

Just wanted to interject here - this is incorrect. Losing 10% of your body weight is actually beneficial to TTC as it can kick start ovulation (overweight women are slightly more prone to longer cycles etc). There is no reason why you shouldn't diet whilst trying, then continue to eat 'sensibly' in pregnancy.

sassyblue

GingerBiscuit wrote: »

On the other hand, my Dad has had nothing but negative comments on the situation. His sister is a midwife and has told him a lot of horror stories about overweight pregnant women and diabetes etc, and has also told him that having a baby might not even help my condition. He has really taken all of her comments to heart, and is refusing to even listen to what I have to say. I've tried explaining that the doctors think it is the best thing for me, but he just thinks that I'm going to make my health worse. He has said that he thinks I should lose the weight first before TTC. I have explained that it is likely that it will take me a long time to get pregnant, and that I would rather start trying immediately, and to lose weight along the way.

He has now also started talking about money situations, asking what would happen if one of us lost our job, and even talking about what we would do if our mortgage rates went up (this is fixed for the next 2 years)! ..... I just feel that now my Dad is looking for any excuse to try and change our minds. He has told me today that it is causing arguments between him and my Mum, and that he wouldn't be surprised if they split up over this.

I understand that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and I have listened to everyone's viewpoint, but surely they should also respect our decision and be supportive?

I've just picked out the more important bits (as l see it)....

Firstly, to be blunt...... IT'S NONE OF YOUR DADS BUSINESS but as you've told them he sees that it IS his business to comment on... lessons learnt?

Secondly l'm disgusted that he's taking it out on your mum and they 'may split' - !!!!!!? So he's going to break up his marriage because his daughter who has a good job, stable relationship and has a roof over her head wants to try for a baby? :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: Is he usually this over the top?

As for his sister, well it doesn't mean to say any of those things are going to happen to you, and was he *that* concerned when your mum was pregnant with you?

I don't know why you need to listen to other peoples viewpoints as it is none of their business really, but maybe that's the way it's always been for you and your family and you wanted to feel you were doing the right thing.

I do wish you the very best of luck ttc, l had problems myself and tried for 8 years before having my DS, my cousin has polysystic ovaries and is seriously overweight so l know losing weight would be beneficial (if you're already overweight) but it can be done while you're ttc.

In short, don't mean to sound harsh but tell your dad to butt out, it could just be that you're still his little daughter and he hates the idea of you growing up, but he shouldn't be making this a big drama.

Violetta_2

Good luck, don't forget the folic acid. My best mate had severe endometriosis & was advised to have a hysterectomy we were both shocked that we fell pregnant & had beautiful baby girls within a few weeks of each other, she has 2 girls now so although it may be more difficult for you it might not.

tea_lover

Also just wanted to add that pg doesn't usually have any longterm impact on endo. It does often lessen during pg iteslf, but afterwards things tend to go back to how they were.

Drs telling women suffering from endo to get pg is really common though - there's a huge amount of misinformation within the medical community about endo.

Tish_P

I'm around 1 1/2 st heavier than I'd ideally like to be,

Given that the weight many women would "ideally like to be" is frankly unhealthy for their bodies, that's not actually the information FatvonD asked for!

Very well done on giving up smoking though, and well done for working on your health in so many ways. I hope you enjoy feeling fitter and stronger, and stick with the healthy habits whether or not the weight comes off.