TTC without support of some family members.

marisco_2

I would like to wish you well with ttc. It is good that the majority of the people you have turned to for support are being positive.

As you will find out when you become a parent yourself, you never stop caring for, worrying over or wanting to protect your children. Sometimes it is difficult to stand back and accept that they are all grown up, well able to think things through thoroughly and make informed decisions for themselves.

I would maybe turn to your mum or other supportive family members for now. Inform your dad when you are past a positive 12 week scan that he will be a grandad. Without going into too much detail on here as to why, my dad would have reacted the same way as yours has, if I had told him when I started to ttc. Faced with a scan photo and positive predictions for a healthy pregnancy he melted and was then very supportive.

FatVonD

I find it a really odd concept to tell your family that you're TTC, in fact I don't think I could even do the deed if I knew my parents knew what I was doing :rotfl:

Do you mind me asking roughly how overweight you are?

amyloofoo

Hi,

Firstly I wanted to say how good it is that you're raising awareness about endometriosis and thinking about how best to improve your condition. I know from a very dear friend how painful and debilitating endo can be, and I've also heard that it can improve following pregnancy (although of course this alone is no reason to have a baby). I truly hope your condition starts to improve and you feel less pain whether or not you decide to go ahead with TTC.

I also notice though that the concerns your father's raising aren't unreasonable concerns - they're rooted in concern for you and have a basis in fact. It might not be what you want to hear, but if you do conceive when you're overweight then you're placing yourself and your child at a greater risk. You also mention diabetes, is this something you already have or is he concerned about the risk of gestational diabetes?

I know it can be frustrating to be told to be patient, but you're only young and whilst it may take a while for you to conceive (due to the endo), you would undoubtedly benefit from taking some healthy steps before getting pregnant. Maybe you could look at preparing to TTC for a year or two, giving yourself time to get into shape for carrying and delivering a child and stabilising your blood glucose levels?

Your post shows that you're very intelligent and sensible so I'd be surprised if it hasn't occured to you, but I just wanted to say that your father and other family members are just concerned about you and don't want to see you damaging your health further when if you waited and did a little preparation you're likely to have better outcomes.

*Big hugs* Whatever decision you make it's ultimately for you and your partner to choose when to start a family. Whether people mean it for the best or not, your family shouldn't be making you feel bad about your decisions.

GingerBiscuit_3

I do understand his concerns. I'm around 1 1/2 st heavier than I'd ideally like to be, although I have already lost a considerable amount of weight. I don't have diabetes, it was gestational diabetes he was concerned about after hearing about it from my Auntie, who is a midwife.

In a perfect world, I would be in perfect health before trying for a baby, but other than losing the weight in a healthy way by eating right and exercising, there isn't a whole lot more I can do to get in better shape. One of my concerns is that I would like to hopefully conceive before my insides get into even more of a mess. I have had 2 laparoscopies this year, one to remove adhesions and one to excise some of the endometriosis from my bowel. I'm already having problems with adhesions possibly growing back and don't want to wait until my ovaries and tubes are even more badly affected.

I've been eating much more healthily recently, which has improved some of my bowel issues as well, and am hoping to start doing some more gentle exercise like swimming and pilates. I do think that, considering the fact that I'm unlikely to conceive straight away, I'd rather start TTC now, and lose the weight whilst we're trying.

I do appreciate my family very much, and the support I've had from them has been amazing. I just find it a little upsetting that my Dad will not put this to one side, and respect our decision. We're a very close family and I don't want this disagreement to affect our relationships with each other.

DVardysShadow

GingerBiscuit wrote: »

On the other hand, my Dad has had nothing but negative comments on the situation. His sister is a midwife and has told him a lot of horror stories about overweight pregnant women and diabetes etc, and has also told him that having a baby might not even help my condition. He has really taken all of her comments to heart, and is refusing to even listen to what I have to say. I've tried explaining that the doctors think it is the best thing for me, but he just thinks that I'm going to make my health worse. He has said that he thinks I should lose the weight first before TTC. I have explained that it is likely that it will take me a long time to get pregnant, and that I would rather start trying immediately, and to lose weight along the way.

He has now also started talking about money situations, asking what would happen if one of us lost our job, and even talking about what we would do if our mortgage rates went up (this is fixed for the next 2 years)! We have discussed this as a couple, and we know that we can manage our money. I just feel that now my Dad is looking for any excuse to try and change our minds. He has told me today that it is causing arguments between him and my Mum, and that he wouldn't be surprised if they split up over this.

You owe him absolutely nothing of an explanation. But you do owe him a sharp rebuke for bullying you with his tale about the arguments between him and your mother making them split.

Silly old fool.

GobbledyGook

GingerBiscuit wrote: »

To be honest, it's the emotional support I wanted from him. I know it's likely to take me a while so I don't want to get my hopes up, but at the same time don't want to feel like giving up completely. He isn't biologically my Dad, and he's never been able to have children of his own, so I had expected him to be a bit more supportive.

Part of his reaction then may be because he knows how hard it will be to come to terms with if it doesn't happen. If he's faced the worst (in terms of having children) then perhaps he wants you to be older so that you don't carry the heartbreak for as long if it's not going to happen.

Depending on how much trying was involved in his life it may be he is terrified of what you are going to go through. One of biggest fears in life is my children facing the same IVF/infertility woes as I did because it is the most horrendous rollercoaster ride with no guarentees of a happy ending.

marisco_2

Before concieving my first baby I spent time getting down to my ideal weight. Then I was so ill with morning sickness in the first trimester that I lost over a stone more. Which made all my previous efforts seem in vain!

SqueekyMouse

I agree with all of what amyloofoo has said. Your Dad sounds like he's worried about you and wants to protect you from the emotional hurt if you have a tough time TTC and from the physical problems you may encounter if you do become pregnant.

However, it's non of his business at all. This is totally up to you and your partner. You sound like you've thought a lot about this and I understand your concerns about your fertility are motivating you to TTC earlier than is ideal for your financial situation.

Just a point I wondered if you'd considered - you want to loose weight along the way. I believe that dieting can adversely effect your chances of conceiving and certainly isn't recommended during a pregnancy, so it might be worth addressing your weight first. Unless you intend to simply increase your exercise as you have mentioned previously.

GingerBiscuit_3

SqueekyMouse wrote: »

Just a point I wondered if you'd considered - you want to loose weight along the way. I believe that dieting can adversely effect your chances of conceiving and certainly isn't recommended during a pregnancy, so it might be worth addressing your weight first. Unless you intend to simply increase your exercise as you have mentioned previously.

To help with weight loss I am just trying to eat more of the right things and get a balanced diet with the right portion control, and as you say, increasing exercise. I don't believe that very strict diets where you lose a lot of weight quickly are beneficial at all in the long run. Unfortunately, my parents are regular fad dieters and their weight often goes from one extreme to another over the course of a few months. Both my fiance and I think that they have an unhealthy attitude to weight loss anyway, and my weight and how I choose to lose it has been somewhat of a sticking point between us. I don't think that the type of dieting they do is what is most healthy for me.

I think I am making some headway though. I've had to make big changes to what I eat to help with the endometriosis and bowel issues. I haven't drunk alcohol for over 18 months, successfully quit smoking 8 months ago, have cut out red meat from my diet, added a lot more fresh fruit and veg, cut out anything with preservatives etc; not to mention the taste of chocolate often makes me feek sick these days! Unfortunately one of my endo symptoms is terrible nausea. It's almost like morning sickness but without the added bonus of having a baby at the end!

So yes, what I'm trying to say in a not very roundabout way is that I'm trying to lose the weight in a healthy way :rotfl:

SingleSue

Just to give you a slither of hope, I was diagnosed (finally!) with endometriosis when I was 20 (back then it was known as a disorder for the over 45's!) and despite having a couple of laparoscopies, I was finally told that the chances of me conceiving were a million to one.

Well, if you look at my sig, I have 3 boys. Ok, it was not all plain sailing, especially for the middle one and it involved lots of clear out laparoscopies in between but we got there in the end.

Unfortunately, pregnancy did not improve my endometriosis and I had a hysterectomy at age 31...best thing I have ever done. The relief from the pain was immense.

Mind you, the hysterectomy didn't cure it either, the beggers left my ovaries (the hysterectomy was more for the cancer scares I had had but with the endometriosis being a contributory factor), including the very damaged right one which was stuck to the adominal wall by adhesions at the time of the hysterectomy and thus, I still have problems 11 years after the big op.

We only told our families when we were trying for our middle child but then we needed to as our first child needed to be looked after while we attended the fertility clinic but they were thankfully supportive, although my mum tried to gently say to me not to get my hopes up.