How do I make my husband understand.

Mojisola

Would he go and have a check-up with the doctor to rule out any physical problems? It's always worth eliminating things that can easily be sorted out first.

He could have symptoms that are making him withdrawn or he could be worried about about something which is making him act like this.

If his health is good, or he won't go to the doctors, is there any chance of you and the children going away during the summer holidays? People sometimes don't realise what they've got til it's gone - if he doesn't miss you all then maybe the relationship has come to an end.

Person_one

Are you sure counselling isn't an option? Do you have health insurance out there, maybe provided by an employer? A lot of them will cover at least a few sessions.

Lotus-eater

Torndao01 wrote: »

I don't really want to talk about my sex life on here, but I can tell you its a sad day when you have to barter sex with our husband just so that he will be nice to you.

It's not about bartering, it's about making you closer to each other. To get that loving feeling back.

j.e.j.

This is going to sound flippant, and I don't mean it that way, but it sounds like he is having a mid-life crisis. He's bored.. the people around him are just 'part of the furniture'.

An independent, third person might be able to help advise on how best to deal with the situation, or it might be a good idea to go somewhere, just you, or maybe you and the kids, without him, just for a week or two. Perhaps it's got to the stage where you're all taking each other for granted.

Good luck, I hope you can get through this together as a family.

nat21luv

Sadly, I agree, it will always come back to sex. Men are simple creatures, they need to be needed, wanted and have good sex. I suggest an early night, it doesn't even have to be completely different from 'the norm'. Introduce a new lubricant, durex do many varieties now(not that I would know ) I'm sure that will put a smile on his face and make two you feel closer, then you can start to talk...

FBaby

nat21luv wrote: »

Sadly, I agree, it will always come back to sex.

No it doesn't. The vast majority of men are like this, but many are not. Sex is not the answer to every man. It certainly isn't for mine.

OP, I am wondering whether it could have all started when you started paying most of your attention on your children without realising that your partner was feeling a bit left out because he didn't express it to you. Instead, he went on to build his own life within the family, and it's now got to the point where it has become a habit, and you are only really noticing it because as you said, your children need you less now?

An other possibility is that he has indeed fallen out of love for you, but can't face the consequences that would result in making it vocal. Maybe he hasn't even really thought about it himself.

I do feel for you, being stuck in a situation that makes you unhappy, but knowing that living it wouldn't be the answer to feel better. Maybe try to engage him a bit more in your life (not the family, not the kids, but YOUR life) a bit more gradually so that it is a sudden change he is aware of, but a change that he doesn't really notice until things are much better between you too and he realises how bad things had got for you.

C_Mababejive

He sounds like he is as fed up as you. I would say you should both talk about it and consider splitting as a real possibility and a possible cause for celebration that you both have decided not to waste your futures. Celebrate the past and rejoice in future possibilities as separate entities.

Edwardia

My husband has PTSD but until the last couple of months he had done nothing about it for years.

It took huge effort on my part to get across that I love him, but that I was through bending over backwards in the relationship and getting nothing back. That this was a situation that was getting worse for both of us, because he refused to deal with it.

Luckily, he's able to get free sessions with a psychologist via work and I managed to persuade him that seeing a neutral professional would help him.

Husband is making great strides now, much more cheerful and relaxed and loving. He still does have his off periods but he has strategies to deal with them and goes off to do his breathing exercises or read or walk the dog.

The other thing I learned is that shouting does nothing because men just switch off their ears. What gets through is picking a moment when he seems to be responsive and talking in a calm manner, asking is XYZ acceptable or if I did XYZ how would you feel ie trying to make him look at it from another angle.

It seems to me that when a man is in a downward spiral emotionally he finds it very much harder to talk to anyone about it. That seems to be the key thing to get your point across without seeming like a nag and making him aware that he has to DO something about the situation.

sassyblue

It certainly sounds like depressive behaviour, has he always been this miserable?

C_Mababejive

The trouble with depression is that its..well...very boring. You can only sympathise/empathise so much and then you've had enough of it.