Things you've quickly regretted saying...

wyebird

And... a sadly departed elderly aunt who told tales of a relative who went to "Bendiform for their holidays, got bitten by a mostqwito and had to have some anti boll*cks to make it better.

She also took a fancy to a dress which was a little too small so went to ask the assistant. "How can I screw in this dress?"

antw23uk

I have been reading these all afternoon and laughing trying to think of something to ad .... One of the directors of a well known airline has just walked past reception and said he was tired and going home. We always banter anyway so i told him not to fall asleep too early or he wouldnt sleep all the way through .... to which he replied "I dont sleep all the way through anyway"

I then piped up and said ... "because you need a pee break in the middle?"
He looked at me and said "I'n not that old ...." and walked out .... Oh the shame of it :rotfl:

I blame you lot for this Lol

alwaysonthego_2

I once had to phone a customer up who was called MrMcmanus, I pronounced it Mr Mc-anus. I got quickly corrected, whoops

Teenie_D

On Tuesday i had a refresher fire training course. The fireman was really funny and chatty.

Anyway coming to end of it we were taken outside so we could practice putting out fires using the fire extinguishers. First round using water or foam, no problem, 2nd round we were using a different one and by the time it was my turn the extinguisher was pretty much empty so he gave me a new one to carry on.

He hadn't pulled off the plastic 'thingy' to release the pin so here I am in front of my colleagues, some of who are from another dept who I've only spoken to a handful of times on the phone, struggling to get this thing off. Then I proceeds to ask the fireman "how do I pull it off?" He was like 'eh?' so I repeated I can't get it off, how do I pull it off, I can't pull it off? Well by this time he was in fits and proceeded to tell me that he likes it to start slow and then gradually build up and get faster and faster, I then realised that he wasn't talking about the plastic 'thingy' :eek::eek::o Everyone was peeing themselves with laughter and I was completely mortified , should really have put brain in gear!!!:rotfl::rotfl:

We then went for lunch and someone had told him there was lunch for him too if he wanted but he declined as he is on a gluten free diet. Me opening my gob again asks him if he would like to share my chicken salad (tongue in cheek), of course this brought on another round of hilarity. His answer was "bloody hell i've only just met you and first of all you ask me how you can pull me off then you are offering me a lunch date!" Urgh dreading having to face him again!!:o:o

geoffky

How about calling the wife the wrong name(of a ex) on our wedding day...still used in arguments to this day....

I_wanna_live_for_free

geoffky wrote: »

How about calling the wife the wrong name(of a ex) on our wedding day...still used in arguments to this day....

:eek: I'll bet you wanted the floor to open up underneath you!

barbiedoll

Another horrifying one........

After I had my baby, I had to be *stitched up* (sorry, TMI!) afterwards. I had my legs in stirrups and I didn't really feel very dignified. I had to have local anaesthetic, which was horrible. While the midwife was doing her stuff, for some reason I asked her.......

"So how do you learn how to do this then? Do you practise on dead pigs or something, like dentists do?"

She laughed and said...."No dead pigs, but don't worry, I do come from a long line of tailors!"

Thankfully, I never saw her again!

geoffky

I_wanna_live_for_free wrote: »

:eek: I'll bet you wanted the floor to open up underneath you!

I tried to ignore it but my wife had noticed....:mad:

I_wanna_live_for_free

geoffky wrote: »

I tried to ignore it but my wife had noticed....:mad:

that's the unfortunate thing about these sort of comments

mollieddee

Thanx for starting this thread OP. Have been following it avidly and having to wipe the tears away as im crying with laughter. I cant think of any stories. Yet....lol