Things you've quickly regretted saying...

jackieb

We had got new wood flooring on our front door porch but were looking for some edging to finish it off. My husband, son and myself were in B&Q. We needed 2 strips of rustic oak edging.

They went looking for the strips while I lagged behind. I caught sight of them up ahead of me. I shouted out to them, 'have you got 2 rustic oaks?' and they couldn't do anything for laughing. I couldn't understand what was funny so I repeated my question. All of a sudden it dawned on me what it had sounded like (with my accent it sounded like I asked if they had 2 rusty c*cks )

lollipopsarah

omg thankyou all for a great chuckle - keep them coming!
I'm always putting my foot in it, so i'm loving these.
Hehe nice to know I'm not alone in wanting one of those cartoon style black holes to fall into.
xx

System

Trazy wrote: »

When I was a teenager I asked my Dad if he had any durex batteries, I meant duracell :o:o:o

Yeah as a kid i once told my parents i wanted a durex dog from the paint adverts, couldnt understand at the time why they found it funny :rotfl::o

lallysmum

My 5 year old was getting ready for his bath and decided he wanted to know what all mummy had if he had a willy. He's autistic and doesn't usually ask questions about anything so I got a tiny bit flustered and couldn't for the life of me think what to call a woman's bits..

"So, well,umm,you have a willy,all boys do and mummys and girls have.. umm.. v*gin*s."

"Oh, so G (sister) has a v*gin* and mummy has a v*gin* and Mrs N (teacher) has a v*gin* and .." followed by every single female person he knows.

He then went into school the next day and proudly informed his teacher that he has a willy and that because she's a lady, Mrs N has a v*gin*

BITS.. female bits are called BITS. Why did I go technical? He's 5.

(Oh, watching the Jubilee last week, we had a big party.. "Mummy, the Queen Elizabeth has a v*gin* doesn't she? And Auntie A, and Grandma?"
Everyone just looked at me and sighed, lol)

JustinCredibleGillespie

lallysmum wrote: »

My 5 year old was getting ready for his bath and decided he wanted to know what all mummy had if he had a willy. He's autistic and doesn't usually ask questions about anything so I got a tiny bit flustered and couldn't for the life of me think what to call a woman's bits..

"So, well,umm,you have a willy,all boys do and mummys and girls have.. umm.. v*gin*s."

"Oh, so G (sister) has a v*gin* and mummy has a v*gin* and Mrs N (teacher) has a v*gin* and .." followed by every single female person he knows.

He then went into school the next day and proudly informed his teacher that he has a willy and that because she's a lady, Mrs N has a v*gin*

BITS.. female bits are called BITS. Why did I go technical? He's 5.

(Oh, watching the Jubilee last week, we had a big party.. "Mummy, the Queen Elizabeth has a v*gin* doesn't she? And Auntie A, and Grandma?"
Everyone just looked at me and sighed, lol)

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Crimson! LOL

JCG

xx

jackieb

I went into Boots and asked the assistant if they had any crystal meth. I'd meant to ask for menthol[STRIKE]ated[/STRIKE] crystals.

Menthol, not mentholated! I still can't get it right.

shiny76

Not something I said but...

My best mate came to visit me at university one weekend. I introduced him to a couple of girls I was sharing a house with. Vicky & Vicky. Upon hearing their names my mate asked "so are you twins?". Cue hysterics.

What makes it worse is they look nothing alike AND that he is a twin himself.

cord123

this thread is hilarious!

I went to a garden center and asked for 'chlamydia' to give my mum for mothers day...... yep, i meant 'clematis'


doh!

sassyblue

jackieb wrote: »

Years ago when my aunt and her family went on holiday we looked after their budgie. The bird never used to get out of the cage for a fly so when we were looking after it we would let it out. When they came back from their holiday we decided to show them the budgie's new party trick (ie flying around!) We let it out of its cage and my youngest cousin rang screaming out of the room, slamming the door behind her. The bird was caught in the door. There was blood, the bird was on the floor twitching and then the screaming started because their budgie was dead. We hadn't even been in their house 10 minutes after taking their budgie back to them. We felt awful.

OMG Jackie :eek::eek::eek: your poor thing!

JustinCredibleGillespie

jackieb wrote: »

I went into Boots and asked the assistant if they had any crystal meth. I'd meant to ask for mentholated crystals.

:rotfl:Love this!

JCG

xx