Things you've quickly regretted saying...

jenhug

I am, quite literally crying with laughter!

Here is my embarassing story.

A work colleague had had a few says off after the death of her grandfather to attend his funeral. On her first shift back after the funeral, another colleague asked if everything went off ok, as you do. After the usual polite questions, I then butted in, "So, how is your grandad now?"

She just stood there in shock, as did I! Thankfully she knows me well and saw the funny side!

shortdog

A friends brother (who was a bit of a scrounging prat) had died, in suspicious circumstances, so the funeral was delayed for a while. A few days after the funeral, I was chatting to her at the school gates, and she mentioned that she had a houseful of people coming round, as a relative had picked up her brothers ashes, and they were being left at my friends house for a while. Me, in my infinite wisdom, commented "Oh, so he's moving in again, is he? At least this time you don't have to feed him and keep him in beer and cigarettes". Halfway through the sentence, I realised what I was saying, but the message didn't reach my mouth in time to shut me up!
Luckily, my friend saw the funny side - she actually phoned me later on to tell me it was the most she'd laughed in weeks, I honestly thought she was going to punch me!

alwaysonthego_2

When I worked as a carer at christmas we were handing out chocolates to the residents. This really big carer, who was hard as nails was given the task of taking the tin of chocolates around the residential home. I am not sure why I said this "Best watch out, she might eat all the chocolates herself", thankfully I didn't get punched.

When I was married to my ex, we were scattering his grandad's ashes at the local beach, when a gust of wind blew the ashes towards us. I decided to say "I hope you all had your mouths shut otherwise you have swallowed grandad".

I_wanna_live_for_free

cord123 wrote: »

this thread is hilarious!

I went to a garden center and asked for 'chlamydia' to give my mum for mothers day...... yep, i meant 'clematis'


doh!

oh there's a far better word we jokingly substitute for clematis (you can guess, same length word, female "bits" ending in "ris" ) except I used it in the garden centre out loud not realising there was someone around the other side of the display who scuttled off with a really red face :eek:

pulliptears

I_wanna_live_for_free wrote: »

oh there's a far better word we jokingly substitute for clematis (you can guess, same length word, female "bits" ending in "ris" ) except I used it in the garden centre out loud not realising there was someone around the other side of the display who scuttled off with a really red face :eek:

When DS was about 3 we took him to a garden center. He was really smart and could read reasonably well at that age so when he loudly shouted "ohh look at that Fnuck sia" I wanted the ground to swallow me up

snowleopard61

I don't drive, and also can't ride a bike competently enough to use one for practical purposes. In conversation with someone I hadn't known long, he asked (as people often do) how I managed to get around. I was on the point of giving my usual airy response, 'Oh well, I've got two legs!', when I bit my tongue just in time ... very fortunately, as he had only one ...

lmp0507

My niece in the middle of aldi very loudly shouted "Auntie Lucy, Have you ever waxed your moustache?"
I don't have a moustache to wax - I hope.. haha
(I'd like to hope she regretted saying this, but I doubt it. haha)

VitaK

When I worked at a DIY store. A young woman came in and complained that there was a screw missing in the silicone kit she bought the day before.

The guy i needed to speak to had misplaced hes phone so I did the next best thing. I turned the store speakers on and politely announced.

"David, can you please meet me at the service desk. I have a woman with me that would like you to have a look at her silicone breasts. She says she needs a screw."

I never been so embarrassed.

tea_lover

Shameful stories keep coming back to me now

Years ago I worked in a maintenance and IT call centre. It was constantly drummed into us that no work was to be carried out without a job sheet and reference number.

One day we needed the IT guy to fix something, and until it was fixed we couldn't issue any reference numbers. He was saying (jokingly, we were all mates) that he wouldn't do the job as there was no job sheet. I meant to say something along the lines of owing him, or him having a job in hand.... somehow it came out that I'd owe him a handjob.

The shame... :rotfl:

wyebird

My mum and I were viewing a house in the village which has the Offa's Dyke walk running alongside it. A group of walkers came up to the gate and spoke to the elderly lady who was selling the house "Offa's Dyke?" "No, Mrs Sweet" she replied..............

On another occasion, a work colleague did a presentation and noted that it was important to have procedures in place to exclude errogenous data :eek: