Think my husband has left me...

Suspiria

Caroline_a wrote: »

I lived with a man with a drink problem. For 5 years I tiptoed round him, trying to head him away from it to avoid his verbal assaults and sometimes physical ones. Then I woke up and realised that only he could make the decision to be alcohol free. He hadn't before and I was enabling him on so many levels.

When we split it was like a huge weight falling from my shoulders. Let him go, he will destroy you and your son.

I have been through the same thing and my ex nearly destroyed me with his drinking which led to violence and me having broken bones. He was a professional man who lost his career, his wife (me), and home and ended up living in his car after even his family could take no more. Op...dont put your son through a life that he didnt sign up for. I was broken hearted (i thought) when i split with my ex, but i now realise it was my emotions coming out after going through so much both emotionally and physically. I do still love him (yes i know:o), but I feel free from being a nursemaid to him, and having no peace of mind. Your husbands behaviour is the same as my ex`s and nothing would make him change. They are incredibly selfish and only think of themselves. I feel like my life is just beginning now and I have my friends and family back and i couldnt be happier. You can do it too!!!

mildred1978

shellsuit wrote: »

Originally Posted by mildred1978
From earlier posts:

Excellent news for your son and his health. [/SARCASM] I smoke, I don't smoke anywhere around my little one, and don't smoke in the house. If the OP is the same as me, then what is that doing to affect the little one's health exactly?
Are you being serious? You can't really be that dim, surely? You go outside to puff on your ciggie. The smoke that produces doesn't just magically disappear. Some of it clings to your clothes, hair and skin. You go inside, all content in the knowledge your house is smoke free. But when you get inside some of those toxic particles free themselves and end up in the air of your home, which land on your sofa, your carpets and other furniture. And every time you hug or kiss your kids, some of it ends up on them, ready to be inhaled. Some of it ends up on their clothes when you wash and iron them. Their toys when you tidy up. Your children will never be smoke free wherever you smoke. That's a fact.


So hubby has even more kids he can't support due to alcoholism and joblessness?



I'm not even going to start on this. On what, the dummy or the jam?! What is the problem you have with what she said anyway?

Giving a <17 week old child jam to keep a dummy in? I don't mind dummies (my son hated it) but surely the idea is that the child uses it if they need it, not because the parent wants it in. Why not just tape the thing to his face?

My son got his first tooth at less than 17 weeks. What do you think a nice coating of sugary jam would do to that? Such a bad idea on every level.



Well, what are you doing about that? What has that got to do with the situation the OP is in now? It's not like she's going to get a job and leave the little one with her husband is it?

Apparently not.



Has he had his MMR? It's extremely rare for a child who has to contract measles. If he hasn't, then I'm afraid you haven't done the best for him at all.

And this is on top of giving him an alcoholic wife batterer as a father.

And you're wanting to do it again. This I agree with, as it's absurd to want to have another baby while she's in this situation.

Words fail me.

Pretty sure any oncologist or dentist would agree with me.

sassyblue

caroline78 wrote: »

I do not see why SS would need to get involved in my life as my son has never been harmed, never went without and never suffered in any way.

!!!

But he's living in a house with an alcoholic who was violent on more than one occasion and who takes off when he chooses and a mother who smokes and sees no wrong in the father.

It's such a shame you can't see what we can see. I feel sorry for your son, he's going to grow up thinking this is normal.

Sure you love your son, but not enough to give up the booze, fags and reckless behaviour, eh?

Person_one

mildred1978 wrote: »

Pretty sure any oncologist or dentist would agree with me.

Just FYI:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-18404621

Cat501

okay okay Mildred, we KNOW you're a paragon of parental perfection :P

As you are so zealous about avoiding exposing children to toxins, I do hope you keep your windows shut in warm weather and keep your kids away from traffic. And yourself for that matter, wouldn't want any of those pesky exhaust fume particles detaching themselves onto your kids, god knows what might happen:eek: I'm sure I don't need to worry though, of course you will....:p

Person_one

sassyblue wrote: »

!!!

But he's living in a house with an alcoholic who was violent on more than one occasion and who takes off when he chooses and a mother who smokes and sees no wrong in the father.

It's such a shame you can't see what we can see. I feel sorry for your son, he's going to grow up thinking this is normal.

Sure you love your son, but not enough to give up the booze, fags and reckless behaviour, eh?

I can't imagine how difficult it would be to give up smoking whilst also living with the chaos of an unstable alcoholic husband, and the OP isn't guilty of the other two, that's dad.

mildred1978

Cat501 wrote: »

okay okay Mildred, we KNOW you're a paragon of parental perfection :P

As you are so zealous about avoiding exposing children to toxins, I do hope you keep your windows shut in warm weather and keep your kids away from traffic. And yourself for that matter, wouldn't want any of those pesky exhaust fume particles detaching themselves onto your kids, god knows what might happen:eek: I'm sure I don't need to worry though, of course you will....:p

Exhaust fumes are an unfortunate byproduct from the need to use vehicles. Not much I can do about those. I can make sure my son isn't exposed to toxins any more than is absolutely necessary. Nobody needs to smoke. Just because it's legal doesn't make it safe.

mildred1978

Person_one wrote: »

Just FYI:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-18404621

What does this have to do with anything? I've not done anything other than state facts (including those the OP herself has posted).

Sparklebabey

Cat501 wrote: »

oh dear - I really feel like I've peed on a bonfire here but experience has taught me to be cynical Alcoholics are so often consummate, charming liars....

But she has to find this out for herself and if I am really honest I don't think she wants to....I found it quite interesting that she said she had to force herself to stay out the house for 30 mins (unless I have read that wrong)....it very much sounds like a co-dependant relationship..

It's sad that she is still defending his behaviour and people have given great links but, much like her husband, until she is ready to accept the help people could talk until they are blue in the face and she will still think this life is normal. No one on here has a perfect life (despite what she snapped at) but there's normal and most folk have a grasp on what is expected of them when they are a parent...and I don't think the baby's basic needs are being met which is to live in a safe and secure household. Daddy drifting in and out on a whim and Mummy being worried out her head do not make a safe and secure home.

(p.s peed on a bonfire?!!! love it...will be adding it to my withering put-downs!!:rotfl:)

dktreesea

OP, I think you and your partner need to give each other some slack. Millions of children, including babies, live in households where people smoke and drink, and they aren't all considerate enough to do it outside.

Being poor, especially if you have been in work and got laid off due to something like an economic downturn, i.e. through no fault of your own, is awful. People who smoke and drink usually do it to relax, to escape the awful reality of their lives for a few moments.

We've probably mostly been brought up with parents who stayed together, where one or both worked and were not in danger of losing their jobs. It's not easy to adjust to a life of poverty, of knock back after knock back when you go and look for a job.

Those of you going on what a terrible guy the father is, you make me s1ck to the stomach. I'd like to see all of you try out his life for a few months and see how you would cope.