Think my husband has left me...

Sparklebabey

Person_one wrote: »

I can't imagine how difficult it would be to give up smoking whilst also living with the chaos of an unstable alcoholic husband, and the OP isn't guilty of the other two, that's dad.

Got to agree with this...any medical professional will tell you to pick a time of minimum stress to stop smoking - I think we can all agree that this isn't one of those times.

TBH I'm not really sure why the smoking is being brought up....yes we all know it's a terrible habit blah blah but lets not muddy the waters with what's important right now.

If it was a choice of her kicking the fags or kicking the hubby out I know what I would choose for her...

Cat501

Sparklebabey wrote: »

But she has to find this out for herself and if I am really honest I don't think she wants to....I found it quite interesting that she said she had to force herself to stay out the house for 30 mins (unless I have read that wrong)....it very much sounds like a co-dependant relationship..



(p.s peed on a bonfire?!!! love it...will be adding it to my withering put-downs!!:rotfl:)

I've forgotten how to multi-quote but yes that bit about the half hour saddened me too - hubby can stay away for days but OP struggled with leaving him for half an hour - it's occurred to me that OP is not just a loving mother to her child, but a loving and protective mother to her husband too OP - sorry for writing as if you're not here, I know you can read this That's why I fully agree that whatever hubby does, counselling for OP would be so important - if only to help her avoid following the same pattern with someone else!

And really it should be !!!!ing on a bonfire but I'm assuming that would be censored!

eta ....and it was

Bambam

You must stop trying to protect this man. Think about what's best for you and the baby. Before you know it your son will be all too aware of what is going on and quite likely to go down the same road his father is on because he will see dad's behaviour as normal.

I wish you all the best!

amyloofoo

dktreesea wrote: »

Those of you going on what a terrible guy the father is, you make me s1ck to the stomach. I'd like to see all of you try out his life for a few months and see how you would cope.

I don't think anyone's said he's a terrible guy, but it's clear he's not a good father either. Even if he's brilliant 95% of the time (i.e. when he's sober), it doesn't excuse the times when he sneaks off in the night without wondering how his child is going to be provided for while he's bladdered. I wish you could try out the life of an alcoholic's child for a few months and see how you would cope... actually, I don't wish that on anyone.

Cat501

dktreesea wrote: »

OP, I think you and your partner need to give each other some slack. Millions of children, including babies, live in households where people smoke and drink, and they aren't all considerate enough to do it outside.

Being poor, especially if you have been in work and got laid off due to something like an economic downturn, i.e. through no fault of your own, is awful. People who smoke and drink usually do it to relax, to escape the awful reality of their lives for a few moments.

We've probably mostly been brought up with parents who stayed together, where one or both worked and were not in danger of losing their jobs. It's not easy to adjust to a life of poverty, of knock back after knock back when you go and look for a job.

Those of you going on what a terrible guy the father is, you make me s1ck to the stomach. I'd like to see all of you try out his life for a few months and see how you would cope.

But plenty of slack is being cut - it's just being cut one way

I don't think the husband is a terrible guy, just that as things stand now, his behaviour is having a terribly detrimental effect on his family AND himself. Most people would love to see him get the help he needs and turn his life around God knows I've screwed up enough times and still do sometimes!

eta that's not strictly true, I've just been out for a fag so I've screwed up in the last 5 minutes

SingleSue

Re MMR, my eldest son had his first MMR and the booster....but still managed to get mumps, not once but twice!

Mind you, he also got chickenpox twice.....

shellsuit

mildred1978 wrote: »

Pretty sure any oncologist or dentist would agree with me.

There's me told then isn't it :rotfl:

Do make sure though when your little one grows up that nobody that comes in contact with them (teachers/other adults/the general public in shops) who might smoke, incase they too are covered in toxins which can transfer to your child.

Did OP say she puts a fat dollop of jam on the dummy?

How do you know she buys jam which isn't sugar free?

Does she do it 15 times a day?

You don't know, we don't know, you're just assuming and looking for anything to pick at.

caroline78

Cat501 wrote: »

ooh - god I hate saying this, but are you sure he made an appointment? It's just that I've been with someone who would say whatever I wanted to hear, and even went as far as making "fake" phone calls in my presence. Are you going to go to the docs with him? (I don't mean you have to go in the room with him, just to the surgery)

Yes I will be going as he got the appointment for Tuesday which is also Baby Club day so I will go down to doctors with baby too.

Sparklebabey wrote: »

But she has to find this out for herself and if I am really honest I don't think she wants to....I found it quite interesting that she said she had to force herself to stay out the house for 30 mins (unless I have read that wrong)....it very much sounds like a co-dependant relationship..

It's sad that she is still defending his behaviour and people have given great links but, much like her husband, until she is ready to accept the help people could talk until they are blue in the face and she will still think this life is normal. No one on here has a perfect life (despite what she snapped at) but there's normal and most folk have a grasp on what is expected of them when they are a parent...and I don't think the baby's basic needs are being met which is to live in a safe and secure household. Daddy drifting in and out on a whim and Mummy being worried out her head do not make a safe and secure home.

(p.s peed on a bonfire?!!! love it...will be adding it to my withering put-downs!!:rotfl:)

I did not mean that I had to force myself to stay away from home I meant we only have one shop and it is only about 2 minutes away from home so it took imagination to stay away that long.


I have taken on board everyone's replies and they did help me become stronger when talking to hubby. Normally I just agree with whatever is being said but today I didn't. I was calm, almost to the point of being cold, and basically told him that he could say all he wanted but I had heard it all before and therefore this time I need actions. He knows that he has to do everything off his own bat this time, that I am not going to be the one doing all the asking and chasing, if he wants help then he has to be the one asking for it...including asking me for help if he thinks he needs it.

I am also looking through all the links posted, and am thinking of contacting them about help for me.

caroline78

Oh for God sake...the dummy thing was maybe once a week, it was Lidl Sugar Free jam and was the tinest smear....baby now has 12 perfect teeth....please leave it now....xx

Cat501

that's great Caroline, sorry for being cynical, hope you didn't take offence and understand why I was x