Hoarding...not just on TV

GreyQueen

Hello and welcome, loobylou2. Pull up a cardboard box and cover your lap with a bin bag in case it's nippy out and we shall begin...........

With your youngsters you could try a couple of tactics by appealing to either their greed or their altruism, or both. Can some of their excess be sold and they get to keep the money? Can you make a case for the poor people/ pets/ whatever being helped by the funds which will be raised by their donating stuff to the charity shop. If wither yourself or your OH is a tax payer, you could get registered at a c.s. for Gift Aid and then your get letters from time to time telling you what your donations raised.

I have been told OHs are hard work to reform once they have left their own mother's tender care so you may just have to lead by example and hope to inspire him to follow you. You could try limiting his personal clutter to a dedicated personal area and not allowing it into shared areas of your home.

You could try the local fire brigade and see if they can do a risk assessment on your home. Clutter is a potential killer in the event of a house fire. Maybe a man in uniform being stern but kind will be impressive to the youngsters and thought-provoking to the OH. If nothing else, firemen tend to be kinda cute and there's worse people to have around your home......;)

I'm sure lots of other good suggestions will come from the gang. All the best.

thriftwizard

Loobylou, I do feel for you! It's taken me until my youngest is almost 17 to get any co-operation from mine, and a gap in my work schedule (i.e. giving up my shop) before I had the time & energy to tackle 20 years of accumulated crud. People were always very keen to tell me how I should punish my kids into helping, but I really didn't want to do that (maybe I should have, might have got somewhere sooner!) but to motivate them to want to help. I think that has been the right approach in the end, because they can see the difference & they're keen to keep it nice now & full of ideas for how we could organise things better.

Looking back, I think where I went wrong was in giving up too easily on setting a good example. I should have carved out a half-hour slot every day for tidying & cleaning & NOT GIVEN UP, no matter how disparaging the comments or disheartening the lack of help. I didn't want my kids to think it was all my job (or any one individual's, for that matter) to clear up everybody's mess, so sometimes I just didn't, and somehow they just came to believe that the mess was all my fault! It hasn't helped that DH & I are from totally different "schools" organisationally; he comes from the chuck-it-anywhere-as-long-as-it's-out-of-sight school, and I'm from the everything-has-a-home-and-that's-where-it-should-be-if-it's-not-in-use school of thought! I should have worked harder on presenting a united front, even if he wouldn't budge; kids find it remarkably easy to exploit any gaps between you.

You have an awful lot on your plate; I may have had more kids (5) but I wasn't working FT until recently, and am not again now. I think in your place I'd start by clearing one small area, maybe your bedroom, and keeping that up to scratch as well as possible, then tackling the rest in half-hour bursts, with a small "reward" of some kind afterwards for any willing helpers. Or make it a condition of doing something they want to do - "I'll take you to the beach AFTER we've tidied up the living room" kind of thing. There's a point where it seems like you're not making any difference, a bit like the dieting "plateau" and you have to get past that before it all suddenly seems to start sliding into place. I didn't realise that & often gave up at that point. If I'd known how much better I'd feel once I did finally get my act together, I'd have persevered. Good luck!

ETA: one thing I forgot to mention was the surprising amount of resistance I've encountered. They'll moan about how things look, and say they can't bring friends home (not that that ever stopped the friends coming, and one of said friends actually lives here now, AKA The Lodger, who came from an even more chaotic home) but behave like affronted chickens when you actually try to make things better... I suppose it's just plain resistance to change, plus a little bit of "Oh 'eck, Mum's trying to climb out of her box again...Aaaargh!"

Byatt

Blossom, you are right, although in my defence I did go in to get the knitting needles (I don't have any at all) and I always look for a Lee Child book, so the tray really is something I didn't have to get, but I recognise I was in a bit of low mood, not then but now recognise, so as it was wooden which I love and could see the potential and it was "only" a £1, that was it.

As for Jack Reacher, the fact that he kills people (bad people) it the appeal! I have one or two on my hit list he could take out...a girl can dream...he loves animals too.

Loobylou, welcome. You may just have to throw things away rather than recycle. Although can you phone a CS and ask if they collect? Can you hire a small skip? Love the suggestion of encouragig the children by appealing to their monetary side, and can DH throw a few things in boxes? I appreciate he's 75 and poor health, but 10 mins a day makes a big difference when doing nothing means things just stay the same.

Well done everyone else! :T

blossomhill_2

loobylou2 wrote: »

Does anybody have any tips on how I can get my children ages, 14,12 and 6 and OH age 75 and not in the best of health to help me declutter the place though as I work full time and seem to be doing everything by myself!!!!

Hi loobylou2 - sorry to hear about your probs but glad you are here

Given the short time frame creating an urgency and ages of your children I think you will need a "Supernanny" approach and get them a large plastic tub (or a suitcase) each and tell them to put in it anything they want to keep - anything else gets binned, or heaped in the back yard so the council can give you a price to remove it - usually about £25

It's a risky strategy as so much hoarding is linked to loss that I am worried they will becomer hoarders later on

I agree with others that family like the principle of a tidy home but mine just open letters anywhere and leave a trail of empty envelopes - how hard is it to put an envelope in the bin?

Can your OH make lists?

Having workmen in is a great leveller - scares me to heck (no, used to scare me) and we didn't use our heating for over a year as I couldnt find enough room for the men to service it, ironic really as we had to get freestanding heaters which took up more space!

When I worked f/t I started taking a carrier bag of papers to work with me and plodded through them in my lunchbreak while chatting in the staffroom - worked well as I was detached while I was at work, and filed what was left when I got home

As for Jack Reacher, the fact that he kills people (bad people) it the appeal! I have one or two on my hit list he could take out...a girl can dream...he loves animals too

Byatt - oh yeeaaaaah! He can work his way through my hit list anytime!

blossomhill_2

Actually, can I double post please? We all need to be Jack Reacher when faced with a potential acquisition - think "what would Jack Reacher do?"

He is a drifter, who carries all his possessions; cash, folding toothbrush, his expired passport and a debit card. He wears his clothing for 2/3 days before chucking it, and buys the same again from a chainstore - way to go!

moneysavingmumofone

Hi everyone
Im quickly posting this before Ive shamed myself out of it. I am a hoarder and have always been. I see hoarding shows on tv and sometimes think its not bad, some areas of my flat are worse. *shame* My flat is a tip, I just cant keep on top of it. I have got better, I do declutter sometimes and sell or donate to charity shops but stuff just ends up getting moved around or more stuff bought so it seems pointless. I am so fed up of being scared the door will go or having to spend the whole night tidying before someone comes round. MIL is coming round in 3 hours and I am on a mad rush to to tidy the rooms I cant just close the door on! (front room, hallway, bathroom and kitchen) Kitchen is ok, bathroom just needs a quick wipe round, hallway just needs a box moving and shoes put away but the front room is just OMG! Boxes everywhere, toys, tables covered in junk as are the shelving units. We had a new bathroom and kitchen fitted and didnt have much notice (council) plus it took 5 weeks so all the kitchen stuff (sooo much junk in every cupboard!!) was just shoved under/on the table and I still havent sorted all of it or put much back. It was finished about a month ago so no excuse really!! Im constantly tired and feeling faint/weak (another issue to sort out at drs, possible anaemia/underactive thyroid) and everything feels an uphill struggle atm. Feel so shamed and guilty that DS has to live like this, the bedrooms are shocking, you can barely move in mine. Anyway am going to post this before I change my mind and get cracking with the front room!

Byatt

moneysavingmumofone wrote: »

P.S Was going to post under another username but Im fed up of hiding so braved it!

Well done for posting :T believe me I know how you feel, I find it hard even to admit on here how bad things are and keep meaning to post pictures but can't do it just yet. But it's a steady process and so keep posting and we will all try and help and support you.

xxx

moneysavingmumofone

Thankyou. xx I actually just deleted that post in a 10 minutes later panic lol! Im glad you replied or Id have deleted it all and carried on hiding, thankyou. xx

Byatt

Even more well done. :T You've taken the first step and that's acknowledging the hoarding, and you should be proud of yourself for doing so. There's some good posts on here if you haven't read through already...and more people will come on to post soon.

We do understand and I totally feel empathy for you. :A

xxx

Brighton_belle

moneysavingmum: well done for posting - that is a huge step forward and you are amongst people who understand here:grouphug:.
If you have undiagnosed health issues going on that leave you very tired, then this will be making the issue that much more overwhelming. Once this immediate panic is over, perhaps set yourself small targets, really small if necessary, to do each day. Something small every day becomes something medium in a week and a noticeable change in a month.
Get back to your GP asap to see if you can get a diagnosis.