Hoarding...not just on TV

M.E.

Daughter returned from two weeks away. Her room is like the TV programme.... plus she left food in the room, hence we did go in (against her wishes) to remove the said smelling items from the bin.
She discussed the TV programme. She agreed that I did not have the hoarder's illness, but she still remarked that she didn't invite her friends round because the house is a mess. Insinuating that I was the only one responsible for the mess.
This was after she agreed that the downstairs rooms are clean and whilst there are many things, they did look like the AFTER-CLEAR UP rooms on the programme.
So she is ashamed of the downstairs rooms that look respectable but made no mention of her room?????
Pot calling kettle... me thinks

lostinrates

lostinrates wrote: »

If i post it i am shamed into sortng it tonight.

New pile of crud created i last two weeks as we moved stuff for builders.

Not quite finished. I got tired last night. but almost done.

blossomhill_2

moneysavingmumofone wrote: »

Hi everyone
Im quickly posting this before Ive shamed myself out of it

Hi there mumofone
We are not surprised and nothing you can tell us will shock us - we are all in a various stages, some are part way out of hoarding, some still justifying our hoard and even adding to it

Most have had a loss at the root of it all and in your case you have health issues so you may need to plan the tasks on paper rather than picking items up - list what you can see, and decide what has to be done with it, then on a good day quickly bag what's on the list

The constant moving stuff around is called "churning" on one of the programmes and I relate to that, I churn all the time, kidding myself it is progress - you need to churn it right out of the door ...

Keep focused on the life you want for your DS, stop blaming yourself and bank every positive action you take, it all adds up.

The thing with people coming round ... yes you usually get a warning ... but not always ...and having to move it round when you get a warning is depleting your energy so you can't enjoy the visits

Please stick around, we can try to help

lostinrates

blossomhill wrote: »

Actually, can I double post please? We all need to be Jack Reacher when faced with a potential acquisition - think "what would Jack Reacher do?"

He is a drifter, who carries all his possessions; cash, folding toothbrush, his expired passport and a debit card. He wears his clothing for 2/3 days before chucking it, and buys the same again from a chainstore - way to go!

I don't want to be someone who uses things like they are disposible any more than i want to be a hoarder. I want to acheive a healthy, happy balance where i have some stuff i like in my environment and not the stuff i do not need or want. Chucking clothes and adding to overconsumption seems no sane and certainly more impactful on others.

blossomhill_2

lostinrates wrote: »

I don't want to be someone who uses things like they are disposible any more than i want to be a hoarder. I want to acheive a healthy, happy balance where i have some stuff i like in my environment and not the stuff i do not need or want. Chucking clothes and adding to overconsumption seems no sane and certainly more impactful on others.

We obviously take different things from the quote - I see that as someone who knows his style and doesn't buy or retain anything that doesn't suit him/is impractical - and I am sure that not needing a washing machine/soap powder/hot water etc or a house to put it in redresses the balance

moneysavingmumofone

Brighton_belle wrote: »

moneysavingmum: well done for posting - that is a huge step forward and you are amongst people who understand here:grouphug:.
If you have undiagnosed health issues going on that leave you very tired, then this will be making the issue that much more overwhelming. Once this immediate panic is over, perhaps set yourself small targets, really small if necessary, to do each day. Something small every day becomes something medium in a week and a noticeable change in a month.
Get back to your GP asap to see if you can get a diagnosis.

Im going to set myself targets this week to see if I can get the flat looking better by the weekend. I have a bit of a hurdle on getting a diagnosis as I need a blood test to get one but I have a huge phobia. The Dr first said I needed a blood test 2 years ago but I just cant get over this fear and they just dont seem to understand or have any suggestions besides numbing cream whic doesnt actually address the fear. I feel so silly as I know people have to go through far worse but my phobia just gets stronger no matter how much I try to be free of it. Thanks. xxx

M.E. wrote: »

Daughter returned from two weeks away. Her room is like the TV programme.... plus she left food in the room, hence we did go in (against her wishes) to remove the said smelling items from the bin.
She discussed the TV programme. She agreed that I did not have the hoarder's illness, but she still remarked that she didn't invite her friends round because the house is a mess. Insinuating that I was the only one responsible for the mess.
This was after she agreed that the downstairs rooms are clean and whilst there are many things, they did look like the AFTER-CLEAR UP rooms on the programme.
So she is ashamed of the downstairs rooms that look respectable but made no mention of her room?????
Pot calling kettle... me thinks

I do feel for you, its hard when people moan about mess and dont take any responsibility for it at all. My OH is like this and it is infuriating. x

blossomhill wrote: »

Hi there mumofone
We are not surprised and nothing you can tell us will shock us - we are all in a various stages, some are part way out of hoarding, some still justifying our hoard and even adding to it

Most have had a loss at the root of it all and in your case you have health issues so you may need to plan the tasks on paper rather than picking items up - list what you can see, and decide what has to be done with it, then on a good day quickly bag what's on the list

The constant moving stuff around is called "churning" on one of the programmes and I relate to that, I churn all the time, kidding myself it is progress - you need to churn it right out of the door ...

Keep focused on the life you want for your DS, stop blaming yourself and bank every positive action you take, it all adds up.

The thing with people coming round ... yes you usually get a warning ... but not always ...and having to move it round when you get a warning is depleting your energy so you can't enjoy the visits

Please stick around, we can try to help

Thankyou, putting it down on paper does help me. Writing lists clears my mind and it helps a lot to write down things I need to do like Washing up, Sort out clothes, Clear toys away etc (sounds silly saying it ) but it is a lot less overwhelming than looking at the mess and not knowing where to start! You are spot on about not being able to enjoy visits!

Ive made some headway, at least the main bit of floor is clear! Also cleared under the shelving unit, its obvious Im not going to clear the table and under it by the time MIL gets here but shes seen it worse so Im not as worried as earlier. Im going to clear the boxes/bags/general junk from the bit of floor in between the sofa and armchair now, seems to be a bit of a hotspot for dumping things. Whilst doing this I am remembering the followowing things that happened to me recently to shame myself into not stopping!! I wish everyone the best of luck with the tasks they've set themselves to do today. xxx
When we were getting the new kitchen and bathroom the electrician also came around unexpectedly to do a complete rewire! I nearly died of shame when he had to go in the bedrooms. Then when it was all complete the manager of the kitchen and bathrooms project came round (letting himself in with the key I forgot they had!! I was going to ignore the door. ) with all the top bosses to inspect it, the bedroom doors were open, the whole place was a tip and I literally wanted to disappear. Have never felt so ashamed in my whole life and I could just see the disgust in their faces.

lostinrates

Moneysavongmumofone. I do mot have a needle phobia but i am latrophobic. I have been in hospital twice this week, and will be at go tomorrow ( worst for me) where they will take bloods and hospital again this week for a scan.

Rest assured it is not just you. If i can see the gp you can get a needle, huh? . Please go. Apiding the go forvthe last couple of years has left me in a very bad state managing a chronic health situation. Don't let this happen to you.

loobylou2

Well in an attempt to continue decluttering today I emptied the chest of drawers in my bedroom and am now £15 richer!!!!! Also placed an Ad on Freecycle to get rid of an old tv:j. Am finding it hard going though because despite repeated requests/demands for help from my children I feel as if I am going nowhere fast. DD1 offered to clean/declutter the living room for me in return for cash and then changed her mind and said she couldn't be bothered. I've made it clear to all 3 children though that the only way they will get any money at all from me now is to help in decluttering around the house. But, they don't seem to care!!!! I wish I could make them see how hard it is for me. I suffer from depression and get very, very tired. I struggle to hold things together enough to be able to go out to work in the mornings without having to continually clear up after them but do they care, not a bit. At least I'm at home for a bit before the work begins on the house though and on wednesday this week which is my day off I'm going to ring round the charity shops and ask if they collect because I've got loads of bedding and books which need to be rehomed !!!!!

Possession

Moneysavingmum don't worry, the wonderful folk on this thread can help you. Baby steps first, and concentrating on one area at a time so it doesn't overwhelm you.
Re. the needle phobia, as this is now affecting your health, I think it needs to be mentioned to your GP if you haven't already. A friend combined a sedative with the numbing cream and combined with a very sensitive phlebotomist it worked for her.

moneysavingmumofone

lostinrates wrote: »

Moneysavongmumofone. I do mot have a needle phobia but i am latrophobic. I have been in hospital twice this week, and will be at go tomorrow ( worst for me) where they will take bloods and hospital again this week for a scan.

Rest assured it is not just you. If i can see the gp you can get a needle, huh? . Please go. Apiding the go forvthe last couple of years has left me in a very bad state managing a chronic health situation. Don't let this happen to you.

Thanks for your reply, I have tried a lot including touching the area they take the blood from to get myself used to it but even that made me feel so faint I had to lie down for a minute. I will see the dr again though, I know it needs sorting out. Well done on facing your fear. xx

loobylou2 wrote: »

Well in an attempt to continue decluttering today I emptied the chest of drawers in my bedroom and am now £15 richer!!!!! Also placed an Ad on Freecycle to get rid of an old tv:j. Am finding it hard going though because despite repeated requests/demands for help from my children I feel as if I am going nowhere fast. DD1 offered to clean/declutter the living room for me in return for cash and then changed her mind and said she couldn't be bothered. I've made it clear to all 3 children though that the only way they will get any money at all from me now is to help in decluttering around the house. But, they don't seem to care!!!! I wish I could make them see how hard it is for me. I suffer from depression and get very, very tired. I struggle to hold things together enough to be able to go out to work in the mornings without having to continually clear up after them but do they care, not a bit. At least I'm at home for a bit before the work begins on the house though and on wednesday this week which is my day off I'm going to ring round the charity shops and ask if they collect because I've got loads of bedding and books which need to be rehomed !!!!!

I can empathise with you, my DS is only 7 so I dont expect him to understand as such just pick up after himself when asked but its a losing battle. It is very hard, they will understand when theyre older. (personal experience!)

Possession wrote: »

Moneysavingmum don't worry, the wonderful folk on this thread can help you. Baby steps first, and concentrating on one area at a time so it doesn't overwhelm you.
Re. the needle phobia, as this is now affecting your health, I think it needs to be mentioned to your GP if you haven't already. A friend combined a sedative with the numbing cream and combined with a very sensitive phlebotomist it worked for her.

I have spoken to my Gp about it, I burst into tears as soon as he mentioned a blood test. But he doesnt seem to have anything to suggest, he seemed a bit incredulous that the emla cream didnt solve the whole problem tbh. I will see a different doctor if I can. Thanks for all the support today, I shouldnt even be coming on here (tut) but its kept me going. xx