Hoarding...not just on TV

short_bird

Byatt, there's no harm in "parking" anything you do in counselling and coming back to it later or seeing what comes to mind when it feels like it! Dodgy hug.

whitewing

Sometimes not being able to answer something is the answer in itself.

I agree with short_bird that you can "park" stuff up - we are hoarders after all, we can just as easily collect questions as anything else!

byatt, I think it is great that you are having your counselling and I am surprised at how quick it has come round.

lir, thank you for your pm. It made my day (my inbox is still too full to reply without deleting stuff).

lostinrates

You are more than whitewing. .

For what its worth, had to derichard a pm or two to reply to you too.

whitewing

byatt, would it really be such a bad thing for the counsellor to visit your skip? It may give her some really good experience for helping others (although you are course are really the only person that matters in your sessions). But it may help her help you a lot more, if only because she potentially gets to see the before, during and after.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Byatt wrote: »

The clutter/hoarding, well she said she perhaps would come round to see my home. She asked what I would do and I said I wouldn't let her in. She asked why and I said I would be too ashamed. So, she said why was it alright for me to live in this skip (my word) but not for someone else to be part of it. Why was I not worthy of living in a nice home.

Maybe someone here can answer that because I'm not sure how to. ( I don't mean specifcally answer it for me).

Well, why don't you deserve a nice home?


What have you done that's so bad, that makes you so bad?


What are you punishing yourself for?

GreyQueen

wannabe_sybil wrote: »

alec eiffel - if you cannot use home grown fruit then it costs more to make jam than to buy it. I did the sums. Actually I think it may be more cost effective to buy the dratted stuff than make it even if you do grow your own - I use the cheapo mixed fruit saver/value/basics for when little bear demands jam sandwiches and I rarely use it any other.

Yes, this was something my late Grandma told Mum even back in the 1950s; unless you could get the fruit free, or nearly so, the price of the sugar and the energy made h.m. more expensive.

Of course, you're not comparing like with like, but you can get some very good stuff from country fayres and farmer's markets as a sort of halfway house between shop and homemade.

I love the idea of making jam but the reality is that I eat maybe one pot of jam a year, have a teeny-tiny kitchen and need more accoutrements like I need a good kicking.

But it's a nice OS aspirational thingy, isn't it, being a domestic goddess and jamming away?

I have decided to demote myself from my self-appointed role as Saviour of the Jam Jar. For ages I have been taking them from Mum's and Freecycling them but lately have run out of takers. Perhaps I have flooded the market?:rotfl:Decided a couple of hours ago that a bag of them will go to the recycling bank on my next visit.

(((((((Byatt)))))))))) I'm no headshrinker but just wanted to send you all good wishes. Please share and maybe some of us can help. We're all anonymous friends, you can talk freely here.

A few years ago I had a LBM over a chance remark made at a dinner table. Was on a catered holiday and the amount of food was ridiculous. I had been guilty of the childish "crime" of helping myself to overmuch and was grimly-ploughing through what I had on my plate so as not to be "wasteful".

A wise older pal said Do you see your body as an alternative to a dustbin?

She wasn't being at all unpleasant but it was one of those ker-ching! moments. Did I think I had to eat to bust a gut in order to stop a few ounces of food going into the dustbin? Better by far not to take too much in the first place, but once taken, do I really think this is how I have to treat myself?

I don't know if this concept travels across in respect of a person's home, but do we really think all we deserve is clutter and difficulty, that we will one day be hauled up before a judge and made to account for every carrier bag and jamjar? Every old piece of clothing or knick-knack that long ago slipped from interesting to clutter?

I dunno. Just kite-flying a bit, I guess. Still working through my own relatively-modest issues one bit at time.

lostinrates

Re jam i have not made any tjis year...too ill and too much building going on.

But, i tend to make the odd and unbuyable treats, our own family christams conserve recipe, and things like peach and honeysuckcle jelly, or proper bramble jelly, hawtorn jelly etc, but buy stuff like strawberry and black currant, using the we grow in pies, pudds and cooking and occasionally for the freezer. I want to bottle more of them, but thats maybe aspiratioal.

falady

Hi everyone,

I have managed to catch up on most of the posts over the last few days, this thread certainly moves quickly!

Virtual hugs for anyone that needs / wants one. Byatt, I am especially thinking of you, having been down in the depths of depression myself. I know there are many others deserving of support and sympathy, but I'm not v good with names and could easily get overwhelmed and then wouldn't post at all, so please know that you have my good wishes.

The decluttering continues here - my 'very spare room' is looking much tidier. Still got loads of hubby's computer bits in there but maybe he will eventually chuck some out.

I shredded a big bag of paperwork at work on Tuesday (Ssssh! Boss wasn't in and I didn't have much to do!), plus took books, soft toys and odds and ends and a rag bag to the charity shop, and a bag of rubbish to the tip.

Hubby has a 'man room' upstairs (one of attic bedrooms - opposite the very spare room) and I have seruptitiously (sp?) overtaken a corner of it. It had my table and some bookshelves in the corner - they are still there, but the bookshelves have a lot less paperwork on and a lot less books and CDs - hubby's hundreds of CDs have moved to his end of the room, so hopefully he will get rid of some of them. I am going to store my sewing and knitting things on them, as well as some favourite books and our new reduced amount of household paperwork.

I still haven't sorted out the top half of the big kitchen cupboard, but will do it tomorrow. I bet it only 15 minutes of a job, i just need to get on with it! I'm having a bit of a mental block about it to be honest. Not sure why.

Hope everyone is OK / getting a little better.

A

Byatt

Thanks for all your repsonses.

Shortbird and Whitewing, it was quick because it's surgery based, if I'd waited for the MH team it would take much longer. I also process things over time and know on the day I am exhausted and feel overwhelmed but those feelings will pass. I definitely park the thoughts.

It would be awful for the counsellor to visit, although I may let her. I do still have pics on my phone so may show her next time. I forgot today. It's "avoidance" (but not as we know it, Jim...).

Jo-Jo, all very good questions and I could answer them...and perhaps I should...

I don't deserve a nice home because I don't feel I'm a nice person. I know this is totally based on past abuse and therefore my self image is very skewed, but even though I can see that, I can't as yet not feel it. I'm always suprised when someone likes me. I belittle my achievements. I always think I could/should do better.

Why do I feel I have done something so bad that it makes me bad. It's the little, niggly voices, again from past abuse that I will get what I deserve, so life has thrown some carp at me, so I must deserve it. The latest thing with my sister has tipped me over the edge, dredging up the silt on the bottom of my mind and emotions. It's probably good it has because I am now trying to deal with it.

What am I punishing myself for? For not being perfect, not the perfect daughter, the perfect wife, the perfect mother.

Now I *know* all this stuff is irrational, I don't need to be perfect and flawed people (my family, and ex) forming an opinion of me that is pretty low, shouldn't be taken seriously. But the emotions are not catching up with the intellectual side and are so powerful.

I am also very much alone and whilst I'm very independent and insular (?) I don't have anyone to nurture me and that seems to take its toll.

Ok, honest to the nth degree and I feel all :o:o:o...I've not said all this for people to feel sorry for me or to get accolades, but just so it can be seen how hard it is to unscramble the mess and separate the trash from the treasure.

But I am working towards it...

falady

wannabe_sybil wrote: »

Elona - big big hugs

Just about to do a AF order.

Not doing too bad in getting stuff out. Now need to beat my conviction that there will never, ever be as good a deal as x again and must order a shedload. Or that it will be ages before I need to order from x again so while I am there, to make the shipping worthwhile, I need to order a shedload (can you tell I do most of my shopping on line)

Also determined to use some stuff up before I throw it out. Not sure that it is entirely healthy, but the puzzle book stash is a shadow of itself and I got rid of all the ones I wouldn't do. So that is something.

hugs to all

Oh I can sympathise with all of this! I'm guilty of the same things, but you've made me realise that sales DO come round again and the world won't collapse if we run out of eg toilet rolls. I'll just send hubby down to the shop for some more. And yes, it will cost 30p more, but that doesn't matter. Better than £50 of loo rolls sat upstairs for months, especially when we need the £50 in our account to pay bills!