Hoarding...not just on TV

scaredy_cat

Byatt wrote: »

Elona, hugs...hoping you hear something soon.

I had my counselling session today. It seems I am severely depressed, (and that's with meds, so not so good)...I do however put on a very good act outwardly, because I have no choice. It's really hard dealing with the fear and being hyper alert.

The clutter/hoarding, well she said she perhaps would come round to see my home. She asked what I would do and I said I wouldn't let her in. She asked why and I said I would be too ashamed. So, she said why was it alright for me to live in this skip (my word) but not for someone else to be part of it. Why was I not worthy of living in a nice home.

Maybe someone here can answer that because I'm not sure how to. ( I don't mean specifcally answer it for me).

Anyway, I will process it over the next few days, because it's hard at first.

i'm like you, i became depressed about 2 yrs ago, peaking during christmas 2010 and over 3 weeks, only went out to get cat food and junk food for me, i didn't put up my tree, didn't get dressed for days, let rubbish and carp accumulate - boxes, the free newspapers, etc....

i live in a studio flat and have never thought of it as a home, it doesn't feel like a home (not helped by the junk, carp and too many books and old clothes!).

i think why i haven't yet got my backside in gear and sorted it is because a) i don't like the place, b) i don't feel a nice place is worthy of me -( bring in the low self esteem) and c.) i've gt used to it and am good and 'ignoring' it! even though i have lots of daydreams of what it could look like once it is sorted, everything in it's place, a lick of paint, and could actually invite friends over for dinner or even (heaven help me) invite a bloke over!! :eek:


it's sort of a never ending cycle - you are depressed which makes you lethargic, no motivation, so things are let go, then you see that and you feel depressed, fed up, so cba to do anything, so things a re let go... etc etc??

p.s. Byatt, are you anywhere close to my location? you don't have to say where.

lostinrates

Byatt, you are doing incredibly well.

Examining things is always stressful. Try not to be hard on yourself when you feel progress is not what you want it to be.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Byatt wrote: »

I don't deserve a nice home because I don't feel I'm a nice person. I know this is totally based on past abuse and therefore my self image is very skewed, but even though I can see that, I can't as yet not feel it. I'm always suprised when someone likes me. I belittle my achievements. I always think I could/should do better.

Why do I feel I have done something so bad that it makes me bad. It's the little, niggly voices, again from past abuse that I will get what I deserve, so life has thrown some carp at me, so I must deserve it. The latest thing with my sister has tipped me over the edge, dredging up the silt on the bottom of my mind and emotions. It's probably good it has because I am now trying to deal with it.

What am I punishing myself for? For not being perfect, not the perfect daughter, the perfect wife, the perfect mother.

Now I *know* all this stuff is irrational, I don't need to be perfect and flawed people (my family, and ex) forming an opinion of me that is pretty low, shouldn't be taken seriously. But the emotions are not catching up with the intellectual side and are so powerful.

I am also very much alone and whilst I'm very independent and insular (?) I don't have anyone to nurture me and that seems to take its toll.

Ok, honest to the nth degree and I feel all :o:o:o...I've not said all this for people to feel sorry for me or to get accolades, but just so it can be seen how hard it is to unscramble the mess and separate the trash from the treasure.

But I am working towards it...

Were you actually a bad person?

Did you abuse a loved one? Did you tell them repeatedly that they were useless, worthless, chip away at their self esteem, knock them down everytime you could? Did you take advantage of their better nature to do things purely for their benefit and then viciously cast them aside when you had no further use for them?


No?


Or did you do your best in situations where other people were inadequate in their parenting/relationship skills and where their deliberate actions, past and present, made everything harder for you?


Why not, instead of wasting your time and emotional energy upon those very same people, whether they are in your present or in your past, use that energy to nurture yourself?

Byatt

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Were you actually a bad person?

Did you abuse a loved one? Did you tell them repeatedly that they were useless, worthless, chip away at their self esteem, knock them down everytime you could? Did you take advantage of their better nature to do things purely for their benefit and then viciously cast them aside when you had no further use for them?


No?


Or did you do your best in situations where other people were inadequate in their parenting/relationship skills and where their deliberate actions, past and present, made everything harder for you?


Why not, instead of wasting your time and emotional energy upon those very same people, whether they are in your present or in your past, use that energy to nurture yourself?

Ay, there's the rub...:(

If it was as easy as writing it down, I would. Something stops me...and it's finding the why of that.

Jo_anne_2

Byatt - thinking of you. My OH has severe depression. I know how crippling it can be.

I thought I would check in with my progress, slow though it is, I can see a small patch of carpet now. I've managed to part with:
-2 handbags and 3 purses for the charity shop
-Cardboard and paper for recycling
-Cassette tapes, floppy discs and CDs for the bin
It doesn't sound much for 2 nights work now that I've written it down
I really struggled with a box of buttons! I sorted out the ones that matched and put them to one side and threw a few out that I knew I would never use, but it took me ages. I know it's illogical, they are just buttons, I'm not likely to ever use them, no-one else is likely to want them, so why can't I just chuck them out? Arrgggh!

blossomhill_2

Jo_anne wrote: »

I really struggled with a box of buttons! I sorted out the ones that matched and put them to one side and threw a few out that I knew I would never use, but it took me ages. I know it's illogical, they are just buttons, I'm not likely to ever use them, no-one else is likely to want them, so why can't I just chuck them out? Arrgggh!

Ah buttons are a class of carp all of their own! There are even books on the subject. I have my two grandmothers' button jars, my mothers' button tin, my dad's airforce sewing kit buttons, our own, and still I have lots of little plastic packets with a single button in on all the worksurfaces waiting to be added to the stash - but when I lost a coat button I drove back to Mr T's car park the next day to retrieve it.

One of the jars also contains shirt studs, collar stiffeners, buttons from my Gdad's WWI trench coat, military badges, his brass WWI compass, crystal drops, art deco gems, brass enamelled buttons, the tales it could tell - my stash will tell future generations that my clothes were by George!

valk_scot

Buttons are speshul.....also, not very big! One tin of buttons does not make a hoard or even take up much room. Seventeen old duvets on the other hand.....:rotfl:

Byatt, I'm sure you know this but depression skews your thinking. It also goes in circles or spirals and each loop drags you down even more. Until you get treatment, which of course you're doing (:T) but it will be a long slow process dragging your way up that very deep hole you're in atm. Think of it like a very long spiral staircase coming up from a deep dungeon, a long painful climb one step at a time. And you'll get very weary but what's the alternative when you get tired? Go back down again, or keep climbing towards the daylight?

It's allowed though to sit down and take a breather when you get tired. And to come and talk to us and have a metaphorical cup of tea. Always helps to talk!

alec_eiffel

I don't get button tins. Well, in understand why they're beautiful and comforting to have and make us feel like we're prepared but a Danish butter cookie tin full of buttons how in the name of hecky peck would I find the button I wanted? At the last charity shop I worked at we had about a dozen button tins, whenever there was a house clearance there was one. No one would let me get rid of it because "people always come in for buttons". In 4 years no-one even asked.

Anyway, the book is "The New Home Larder" by Judith Wills.

whitewing

I used to play with my Nan's button tin. I'd forgotten about that. Some of the buttons were beautiful.

My nan could remember them because she'd remember an article of clothing she wore a lot, and snipped the buttons off when it had to be used for rags. Or she'd remember buying the pack of buttons. Or being given buttons by someone in case they were useful. Plus they used to mend stuff so were frequently dipping into it. Plus we'd play with the buttons so they would get spread out then. She probably knew everything that she had in them. They were a treasured part of family life. (Plus if you were finding it hard to part with something, you could keep the buttons as a reminder!)

The_Dragon

Oh My Goddess :eek::eek: The Greater Packus Rattus (aka my husband) has agreed to have a sort out of clothes and other STUFF!