Hoarding...not just on TV

mollythewestie

SpikyHedgehog wrote: »

Oh, I am super mean :-) Having asked nanny not to get big stuff because the boys were sharing a tiny bedroom, !

:T DD has a nanny who likes to buy the "big" stuff too, last year it was a toy pushchair (She already had a toy pram) and she also bought her a toy Silvercross pram as well - so 2 year old DD had 3 pram/pushchairs! Nanny was told that the Silvercross could stay at her house as we don't have the room for it. Nanny asked again a few weeks ago when she could bring it to our house - I must admit I nearly lost it :cool:.

I decided to start to declutter the kitchen yesterday and cleaned the deep fryer to put away into a cupboard - the cupboard that was already half filled with a coffee maker (That I thought had been chucked years before ), so said coffee maker was binned :T.

Next catalogue went straight into the bin without being looked at and Next Card has been paid off completely.

Posted a few more ebay parcels today and have got rid of some broken garden pots. Also went through DDs magazines and colouring books and got rid of some that had been completed.

M.E.

Contrary to what OH believes," it's 'im wot's the 'oarder!"
I'd sorted out some stuff and put most of it back more tidily. However OH complained that what I had sorted out as rubbish was not rubbish and will not let it go. The irony is that none of the "rubbish" was his, rather we had accumulated it from other people. So he wants to store other people's cast off items.!!!:( Yesterday he objected to my giving away a clothes airer. We already have another one and a tumble drier, this one had been in the loft for over five years and the recipient (a work aquaintance) was delighted to receive it. uhhh

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

You have to get it away and out before he realises it's gone. Otherwise it never leaves.

GreyQueen

Byatt wrote: »

If I had more space I would probably iron a bit, but I've come to accept my lived in look...:rotfl:though I quite like the idea of lounging and bon bons GQ. (hope your tatties are ok!

Tatties will probably be fine under close supervision for the next few weeks to check that the blight didn't get underground. It's nothing I haven't had to deal with before.

I'm exhausted just reading about all this ironing which is going on. Gosh, I knew OHs were high-maintenance accessories but I never realised you had to toil with a smoothing iron for hours and hours a week to keep them presentable. I shall await the wash-and-wear version, I think.................:rotfl:

Reading about the soft toys recalled the point as a child where I reached a unilateral decision that I'd outgrown my dolls and teddies and sorted them out to get rid of. Can't recall how old I was exactly (10 or 11 probably) but it was time for me to move on and I did it all at once. It was against great resistance from my hoarder-Mum. I can still hear her saying Are you sure?!

I was sure but she wasn't and my two best dolls were a Tiny Tears and a Teeny Tiny Tears which was the smaller more babyish version. I "got rid" of them but they didn't escape the parental home, unbeknowst to me. TTT came to light about 20 years later and I persuaded Mum to let me c.s. her but TT resurfaced, in the loft, in the pram bag from our 1960s pram (long gone) only about 2 years ago. I am a woman pushing 50, btw!

And still, this reluctance on Mum's part to let the doll go. I realise now that this is partially because she always wanted a soft cuddly doll in her own childhood and never had one. I sold her on giving TT away by bathing and hairwashing the doll and rounding up and laundering all the nice handknitted outfits Mum had made for her and explaining that there would be some little girl who would be so thrilled to have her.......but I still had to take the doll to the shop myself to make sure she got there!

I'm not a Mum but I wonder if there is a phenomenon that Mums don't want certain toys to depart because they represent certain stages of their child's life and they are finding it hard to accept that the little one isn't so little any more.........what do other people think?

Byatt

M.E. I agree with Jo-jo, you have to stealthily remove things and not involve OH if all he is going to do is say no.

Hi Alice, one bag/box at a time is a good thing. I do it that way, sometimes when I'm too tired to do anything else I will get a load of paperwork and go through it on my lap. 5 mins is better than nothing.

Thrift, I hope you feel better soon.

Talking about loss again, and the panda toy, my parents were never very good at keeping pets (dogs in particular), for any length of time. Bearing in mind it was the 60's and pets were not always pets but guard dogs, plus going to a vet was almost unheard of...dogs got fed human food...and so on and so on...well, we had a dog and my parents decided it had to go because of some minor behaviour problems and suggested it to us their children. Needless to say we said no. One day, I went to school and then came home, and the first thing I ntoiced was the dog bed had gone. I searched for the dog, but knew deep in my heart she had gone. My parents played it down, said she was with someone else...I was heartbroken but don't remember crying, and was so upset because I had not said goodbye to her in the morning as I usually did, with a pat on the head as I was late for school and had to run for the bus. I was around 12 then. So for many months I looked for her, knocking on doors asking people if they had her...for some reason I thought she would be local. Fast forward, many years and I am an adult, married and my mother is talking to my inlaws and mentions the dog, Peach, who they had had put to sleep! My look of shocked horror made my mother look a little guilty but only for a second. Anyway, the purpose of this long, convoluted post is that today I recognised in me the feelings I had then as a child when I knew our dog had gone, the panicky, sad and very upset little girl who now experiences these same feelings in moments of stress and loss. I don't know how else to explain.

I have always been committed to my pets, under no circumstances would I give them away or dispose of them...I always want to make up for the dogs that were in my childhood family and weren't treated well at all. I'm not sure where I'm going with this. Just and odd realisation that those past feelings have played a very real part in my present feelings and the trying to build a barrier around them.

Brighton_belle

GreyQueen wrote: »

I'm exhausted just reading about all this ironing which is going on. Gosh, I knew OHs were high-maintenance accessories but I never realised you had to toil with a smoothing iron for hours and hours a week to keep them presentable. I shall await the wash-and-wear version, I think.................:rotfl:

My version doesn't cook and has serious vision problems when it comes to seeing washing up, but he does all his own washing and ironing without a second thought, so there are a variety of mix and match options out there:D

The talk of jugs earlier in the week has made me do a jug count - we have 4 and I thought I was fairly streamlined in the kitchen. It's as a result of 2 households merging and stuff lodgers leave behind. I think one of them needs to go...(jug, not lodger).

GreyQueen

(((((((((((((((((Byatt ))))))))))))))))))))))

Byatt

Thanks GQ, I appreciate the hugs, although the main reason I posted was so people could see how deep things can run and the many reasons for why we are who we are. Plus this thread has helped me so much, I am actually waking up with a glow of happiness in my heart and that's not been around for a long, long time.

As for the toys, I know I haven't kept my DD,s toys, other than ask if she wanted to keep them...we would have a blitz every now and then. I did keep some of her baby/toddler clothes that had special meaning, and she has those now.

Brighton_belle

Byatt wrote: »

Thanks GQ, I appreciate the hugs, although the main reason I posted was so people could see how deep things can run and the many reasons for why we are who we are. Plus this thread has helped me so much, I am actually waking up with a glow of happiness in my heart and that's not been around for a long, long time.

Wow Byatt, I am deeply moved by that. For me, your insights and process have been really helpful to read in terms of understanding others, so many thanks for sharing.

GreyQueen

Brighton_belle wrote: »

My version doesn't cook and has serious vision problems when it comes to seeing washing up, but he does all his own washing and ironing without a second thought, so there are a variety of mix and match options out there:D

The talk of jugs earlier in the week has made me do a jug count - we have 4 and I thought I was fairly streamlined in the kitchen. It's as a result of 2 households merging and stuff lodgers leave behind. I think one of them needs to go...(jug, not lodger).

Tell me, does he have any unattached brothers? Only joking, I'm not wifely material, being far too bl00dy-minded and selfish.

I read about the jugs and remembered that I have 4 jugs. A regular 1 litre Pyrex, a titchy 300 ml Pyrex, a 1 pint fatbellied pottery jug and a small creamer, both of the latter from craft potteries. Thing is, they all get used! What is the normal jug ration per household?

Byatt wrote: »

Thanks GQ, I appreciate the hugs, although the main reason I posted was so people could see how deep things can run and the many reasons for why we are who we are. Plus this thread has helped me so much, I am actually waking up with a glow of happiness in my heart and that's not been around for a long, long time. .

Awww, that's such a great thing to hear. I'm so pleased that you're moving forward.

I guess, ultimately, it's not about the stuff, is it? The stuff is the symptom not the cause, which is why those interventions where a crew goes in and forcibly-declutters some hoarder are often failures. I suppose each of us has to figure it out for ourselves, with help and encouragement, and do the best we can on a day to day basis.

I have rung the folks and am getting them to record that hoarder programme at 9 pm and will check it out when I'm next at their place. Mum and I watched one of them, a recorded version, sitting side by side and hugging.........they can be profoundly troubling as well as moving if you walk on the hoarderish side of the street.