Friend marrying naff bloke

Taadaa

Blue_Monkey wrote: »

Thanks all - I appreciate the replies...

Let me clarify - I do not intend to say anything to my friend about how I feel. I've thought about it, but what good would it do? As people have pointed out - she's an adult, can make her own decisions and ultimately it's none of my business. As I said in my original post - just coming on here to vent really.

The whole thing makes me feel really two-faced - I am pleasant to him and I get on with him when we see him.

So what is "naff" about him? Well... He's ok-ish when sober, but get a few drinks in him and he's vile: He grabs/touches all us other girls too much in a far too familiar way, he says inappropriate things to everyone, he schmoozes with people then slags them off, he makes my friend cry when he gets paranoid about her ex and they have huge rows. He tried to stir between her ex and the ex's new girlfiend saying to my friend "She's giving you evils" - which was utter cods.

He wants to get bang on it when everyone else is just out for a couple on a Sunday arvo. He's what my mum would call "a bad influence".

I don't doubt they love each other very much - I just think she's completely brainwashed by him and he doesn't bring out the best in her - ie a few months ago when they were skint saving for the wedding, they went out for a meal and then a couple of hours afterwards called the restaurant and said (lied) they'd both suffered from food poisoning with the sole intention of getting their money back and vouchers for another meal... Then proceeded to brag to everyone about it.

And it isn't just me that says this - a few people have said they just don't get it. It's hard to put a finger on exactly what isn't right, but you know when something just feels wrong.

Does she know that he behaves like that with other women when drunk? She may not realise. If she does, then yes I think there is another story here that she isn't telling you. Maybe he has 'brainwashed' her, maybe she is frightened of being alone, maybe he offers her the security and lifestyle she craves. But if she is aware of it, there must be a reason she is turning a blind eye. And I doubt it's love. It might be blind at times, but it ain't that blind.

onlyroz

Blue_Monkey wrote: »

I am happy that she's happy, just a bit gobsmacked that this guy makes her happy I suppose. I feel horrible saying this but can't help but feel it's just not right...

What exactly is wrong with him? If you just find him a bit boring or plain then I really don't see what you've got to complain about. It would be a different matter if you thought that he was violent or a cheat, or something.

Taadaa

Umm she explained the problem on page two - quoted in my post immediately above yours.

Blue_Monkey

Taadaa wrote: »

Does she know that he behaves like that with other women when drunk? She may not realise. If she does, then yes I think there is another story here that she isn't telling you. Maybe he has 'brainwashed' her, maybe she is frightened of being alone, maybe he offers her the security and lifestyle she craves. But if she is aware of it, there must be a reason she is turning a blind eye. And I doubt it's love. It might be blind at times, but it ain't that blind.

I don't think he's trying it on as such, I think he's just overly familiar and too tactile and doesn't realise/care if it's inappropriate. I think she thinks that he's integrated well into our close group of friends...

Thing is, she makes hints about their sex life ("It's surely not normal to have sex less than 5 times a week") and talks about how "wonderfully happy" they are all the time... So maybe she does have an inkling that people think it's not meant to be and is trying to show that she is happy, but it screams of "the lady doth protest too much" to me, or that she's trying to convince herself that it's right.

He's got 'home and away' eyes too.

pink68

One of my oldest friends has just married for the second time. I dont know what she sees in him, they are poles apart. He does nothing for me but they both appear besotted.

I thought her first husband was perfect for her, they were so alike and so much fun together! But he treated her like dirt once she got pregnant and said the most awful things to her when she had a miscarriage (and it wasnt hearsay, he said it to his friends) i figure it's not my place to say what should make others happy any more!

Valli

midnightraven3 wrote: »

2 decades later, he still makes my heart skip a beat when he walks into a room

You lucky, lucky thing...:D:D

Taadaa

Blue_Monkey wrote: »

I don't think he's trying it on as such, I think he's just overly familiar and too tactile and doesn't realise/care if it's inappropriate. I think she thinks that he's integrated well into our close group of friends...

Thing is, she makes hints about their sex life ("It's surely not normal to have sex less than 5 times a week") and talks about how "wonderfully happy" they are all the time... So maybe she does have an inkling that people think it's not meant to be and is trying to show that she is happy, but it screams of "the lady doth protest too much" to me, or that she's trying to convince herself that it's right.

He's got 'home and away' eyes too.

He doesn't have to be trying it on for his behaviour to be unacceptable. What are home and away eyes??

runningwoman

Taadaa wrote: »

He doesn't have to be trying it on for his behaviour to be unacceptable. What are home and away eyes??

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XB7fDomyTDc

Taadaa

Maybe I am being a bit thick, I know that Home and Away is a dodgy Oz soap, but not what Home and Away eyes are still!

Blue_Monkey

Taadaa wrote: »

What are home and away eyes??

Eyes that look in different directions.....