Friend marrying naff bloke

shellsuit

Blue_Monkey wrote: »

Eyes that look in different directions.....

And? We can't all be perfect can we?

Tygermoth

Um, I don't think it means boss eyed. It means roving eyes?

One eye at home and the other away with looking at other ladies.

But I may be wrong

EllaBeagle

It doesn´t matter what people look like, or what other peoples perceptions are of them. Me and my partner have a connection for many reasons, something that my friend would never understand as theirs only two of us in this relationship not three

If I was you I would keep your opinions to yourself and just be happy for your friend. Or, if its really that much of a problem for you to get over, then part ways and let her find out who her real friends are.

Fuzzy_Duck

There's been a few occasions where I've had the impression a friend of mine wasn't happy with her boyfriends- she hated being single, the men she dated weren't her typical type, and she argued with them more than she got on with them. I never said anything and was always friendly towards them. Those relationships didn't last but I didn't think it was my place to comment at the time- she worked it out for herself after all.

I did get involved once but I don't regret it at all. The man my friend was dating was bad news- he and his family all had a bad reputation. He was a drug abuser and regularly got into drunken fights with strangers. My friend had low self esteem and was likely to stay with him just to feel loved. When I met him for the first time I was as polite as always, ready to give him a chance- and he spent the whole time sneering at me and making it quite clear he resented me being there. He was pretty rude to me and my friend was too busy adoring him to notice.

I felt she could do one hell of a lot better and was concerned he would one day get aggressive with her, so I told her what he was like. My friend was furious and said some pretty horrible things about my partner in return. To this day it still hurts- I can take any abuse thrown at me but I can't tolerate my loved ones being insulted. Still, as far as she was concerned I was bad mouthing her boyfriend, and the natural come back was to bad mouth mine in return.

Anyway, my friend's boyfriend promptly got her pregnant and left her shortly after the baby was born, where he proceeded to get another young girl pregnant in double quick time. I was sad for her, but I was also angry she didn't listen to me. I was her best friend at the time and I didn't feel I could leave her in the dark about what he was really like. She later told me she was sorry but our relationship never recovered from it.

It's not something I would ever do again without serious consideration, but I do feel there's a big different between simply not liking the guy and knowing he's abusive. It does sound like this guy may be emotionally abusive, and perving over other women doesn't bode well. As you and other friends have noticed this it might not hurt to touch on the subject and see if she has any concerns herself. I'd feel awful knowing she's going to marry him if it's likely she'll one day meet someone nicer and wonder what on earth she ever saw in her husband.

Ugh. It's an awkward subject and I don't think there's a right or wrong approach

sarahlaurie100

Hope the vent has worked!

lilymay1

sarahlaurie100 wrote: »

Hope the vent has worked!

Me too OP, because you've had some pretty nasty replies for your efforts!

I know that some, including my dear mother, said my husband and I would never last when we got married. Think, 'posh bird gets knocked up by working class lad from Sheffield'. I'm sure people still think it now when we go to the supermarket and he is dressed in tracksuit bottoms + a football top while I'm wearing something significantly less chavvy :rotfl:!

I suppose you're concerns are based on this guys questionable personality which is never a problem I have faced. There isn't really anything you can do other than be there if she ever wants a shoulder to cry on.

Good luck, hopefully things won't ever come to that

Running_Horse

You never know what goes on behind closed doors between a married couple who are happy together. A real friend would understand that, and still be there if proved right. There are a million reasons my wife and I are not "right" for each other, but we just go from strength to strength.

andygb

Running_Horse wrote: »

You never know what goes on behind closed doors between a married couple who are happy together. A real friend would understand that, and still be there if proved right. There are a million reasons my wife and I are not "right" for each other, but we just go from strength to strength.

My missus and I have been together for twenty two years, and at the start, there were friends and even close relations who said to me, that it would not last. The thing is, that I look at a lot of them, and their relationships finished ages ago, mainly because they were very shallow people, having affairs, never content with what they had.
Even now, there are relations on my missus side who try to split us up, but I look at them and regard them as "losers", simply bitter people who have messed up their own lives and cannot bear to see others being happy.