Friend marrying naff bloke

mintymoneysaver

I'll happily admit I was very wrong about my friend's husband. She went out with this drippy ginger haired bloke when she was 15, and it lasted about a year until she dumped him for his best friend! The new bloke was lovely, funny, witty and she went out with him for years. A good few years later, after university she took back up with the drippy ginger haired one. We were amazed, and tried to put her off, but she ended up marrying him, while her friend married the best friend! She and her husband are still happily married, eighteen years later,and he has grown into the loveliest, kindest, funniest bloke you could ever wish to meet. The two friends meanwhile, lasted a few years until he ran off with somebody else!

System

My Mother asked me what on earth i was doing marrying a man who's hair was that long he could sit on. My friend said i'd got a weird choice in men.

Did i take any notice? No. Should i have? Probably but it was my own choice not to.

Taadaa

I guess it is difficult because I can see that as a close friend you want what is best for her, and you don't think this guy is it. Of course it wouldn't do mention anything. You will end up the bad guy, and it is her choice. As another poster has said, she may well know that you aren't mad about him - its often really obvious that we don't like someone even if we think we are good at hiding it. But she is marrying him anyway, so she must love him and think it will work.

Gillyx

I think it depends, One of my oldest friends boyfriend was openly cheating on her, I'd saw it with my own eyes, I told her, we no longer speak.

They're no longer together. I'd do it again in a heart beat, it makes me sad that we're not friends anymore, and that to start with she sided with him over me. What can I do though, who knows maybe my information did put the doubt in her mind or maybe it was something different entirely, but I can't stand to see people being treated like an idiot.

DVardysShadow

Blue_Monkey wrote: »

.... One of my oldest bestest friends gets married today and I know it sounds dreadful but I can't bear the bloke she's marrying and am genuinely shocked that she's going through with it. She's sparky, feisty, wild and beautiful. He's just not who I imagined she'd ever end up with - and whilst other friends have partners who might not be my cuppa, I can generally see what the attraction is - not with this guy though.... The whole thing is a mystery to all our pals, not just me.... I know it's none of my business and would never dream of showing anything but happiness for them but I can't also help feeling disappointed for (with?!?) her.

Variety of responses. On the whole, it seems to me that you cannot second guess the matches which will or will not work out if you try and second guess who will match whom.

But if you see something 'structurally' wrong with either party, possibly if they are your best friend, you could well be right to point out the issue.

MummyOfTwo

rather a 'naff' bloke than one who hits her, or abuses alcohol or cheats. bit of perspective is good...

thorsoak

As you say, it is none of your business - your friend, her choice! Just be happy that she is happy ....and if things should go wrong later, be there for her - WITHOUT saying "I told you so".

meritaten

in you and your friends opinion the only thing wrong with the guy is that he is 'naff'.
why? he dresses to suit himself? perhaps looks a bit nerdy? has a squeeky voice? isnt feisty, wild and beautiful?
have you bothered to look beyond that? there could be a truly beautiful soul in there, and your friend may rightly believe she is the luckiest girl in the world to have found him!

Person_one

fluffnutter wrote: »

Absolutely none of your business, sorry. And sometimes, despite our best efforts to remain quiet about our feelings, it's obvious what we think about things. If you friend knows you well, she might well already have an inkling of how you feel about her brand new husband. If you're very close and she values your opinion she might feel the need to justify her choice to you, or at the least become hurt and defensive. How nice for her to start her married life feeling like she's got to defend her husband all the time to her friends

I do think it's a little bit odd that your group of friends have been discussing him ("The whole thing is a mystery to all our pals, not just me"), and that you generally pass judgement on your mates' other halves ("other friends have partners who might not be my cuppa, I can generally see what the attraction is"). What does it matter whether you can see the attraction or not? You're not with these men! I think that's getting too involved personally.

I'm sorry if I come across as blunt but I do see quite a number of threads on here saying 'my mate's doing this and I think it's wrong' and 'my friend's running her life like this - it's not right' and it never fails to surprise me how much ego people have about their own importance in their friends' lives. Just because your mates with someone doesn't give you the right to comment on any aspect of their life. It's rude, it's patronising, and it's normally wrong anyway.

The best thing all round is to get to know this guy. Her choice; do the decent thing and respect that for her sake.

I think this is way too harsh.

Most of us care about, even love our friends, we want to see them happy.

I think its perfectly natural to be worried or a bit sad when you see your friend taking a path that you are concerned will lead to unhappiness for them. It doesn't mean you think you get to decide for them, but personally, I value my friends' advice and opinions. They know me better than anyone except my mum and they want me happy.

freyasmum

It's difficult because we love and want to protect our friends.

But what you have to remember is that you're on the outside looking in and it's very difficult to see every detail from that position.

What is actually wrong with the guy? What does 'naff' mean? Is he just a bit shy? Bless him if that's the case. Is he 'too nice'? That's not a bad thing either. I'd rather a nice guy, who seemed perhaps a bit 'naff' to an outsider looking in than one who was gonna beat me senseless every night, while fooling all my friends into thinking he was awesome.