Friend marrying naff bloke

Birdy12

marisco wrote: »

Some other friends of mine who married around the same time and seemed like the perfect match, have either gone on to divorce or have stuck together unhappily for the sake of the kids.

So true. You never really know what goes on behind closed doors.

I would like to point out that I would never dream of saying anything to my friends about whether I think their partner is right for them or not. How insulting would that be? And who's to say what they truly think me and my OH?

But now that I've mentioned my friend's husband, I keep hearing that camp voice in my head...:o

VfM4meplse

Another one who thinks you won't be thanked for voicing your opinion. She's an adult and it's her life...all you can be is a good friend and listen w/oo judgement. It's different strokes for different folks, and you should be pleased that there is one less unattached loser on this planet.

marisco_2

Birdy12 I love your signature but it's 'Do you understand that?' not geddit.

Sorry could not resist

fluffnutter

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Another one who thinks you won't be thanked for voicing your opinion. She's an adult and it's her life...all you can be is a good friend and listen w/oo judgement. It's different strokes for different folks, and you should be pleased that there is one less unattached loser on this planet.

Not that I disagree with your general sentiment... but are you saying that single people are losers?! :eek:

NoLongerLurking_2

Hi OP, I've been on both sides of this one.

Does he treat her bad or do you just not like him? This makes a big difference. I have some stories that would make you hair curl about friend's OHs bad behaviour and the things that some people will put up with!

But I won't go into that if it's just a personality thing. Although I will say, I got into a relationship at one point with one of my longstanding male friends and one of my closest girl friends thought he was an oddball (for want of a better word) and didn't understand it. The implication was that I had settled for a mate, which I resented. Actually, this guy is like my soulmate, he the one person I can (still) tell anything to without fear of being judged. He's hugely intelligent, honest, kind and wonderful (and handsome!). He happens to have some issues which make social interaction, among other things, very very hard for him.

Although the relationship did not work out, he's still my soulmate (in a platonic way, if thats possible). And I kinda resent my friend for being so shallow and not making the effort to understand him.

Do be very careful what you say. Perhaps make an effort to get to know this guy? Ask her some questions that give her the opportunity to gush about how wonderful he is (urgh!)... you might start to see it.

shellsuit

My husband married beneath himself, and if his Mother knew what kind of woman he was marrying, she would be turning in her grave.

That came from one of my husband's cousins, who doesn't know me or a thing about me and has never met me or spoke to me before.









Seriously, its none of your business.

Just because they guy wouldn't be your choice, doesn't mean that your friend isn't madly in love with him.

To be honest, if one of my friends thought the same about my husband, I really wouldn't class her as a friend any longer.

Somethings are best just kept inside your head.

VfM4meplse

shellsuit wrote: »

To be honest, if one of my friends thought the same about my husband, I really wouldn't class her as a friend any longer.

I think this way about most of my friends' husbands, some beggar belief but I probably don't get to hear about their positives.

fluffnutter wrote: »

Not that I disagree with your general sentiment... but are you saying that single people are losers?! :eek:

No - just that you have to fiind the silver lining, and in this case it's one less unsuitable man off the market for the rest of us .

Maybe the OP's friend has read "Mr Good Enough"? All in all a completely depressing reality check about the quality of men out there.

VfM4meplse

Birdy12 wrote: »

Funny thing is, when he speaks he sounds (and sometimes acts) so camp, I often wonder whether he's gay. But they dote on each other and that's the main thing.

I've been on a blind date where that is the case - total turn-off! I expect a man to be a man, I couldn't get away fast enough!!!

MandM90

geri1965 wrote: »

What is the problem with him exactly? What do you mean by 'naff'? Is he not good looking enough, wears untrendy clothes or what? If it's something that shallow, then I think you should butt out, frankly. Maybe he is kind, or has a good sense of humour, and makes her feel good about herself.

Even if you think he is bad for her, she is highly unlikely to take any notice of what you say and you will just cause ill feeling. If it's a mistake, she will find out for herself soon enough.

Or maybe he has wild bedroom skills :rotfl:

When I was about 18 a friend of mine told me his parents had only stayed together for 29 years because of their sex life. His father was a fairly dull and mild guy, his mother a feisty Turkish women he'd met at University. Apparently they argued all day and he could hear them going at it with hammer and tongs every night :eek:

barbiedoll

My friend and I met our respective husbands together, she married my husband's best friend.

We knew it was going to be a disaster, having seen her fiance flirting blatantly with her best friend (and maid-of-honour :eek:) for months, everyone could see what was happenning except her. Of course, 2 months after the wedding, he ran off with her so-called best friend while her family were left to pick up the pieces. We didn't go to the wedding because of it, her and I had a big falling out a week before, when it was clear that they had problems and I told her to ask her "friend" exactly what was going on. She flew at me and said that if she could trust anyone it was this friend.
We only started talking again when I found out that he had left her and that she was 8 months pregnant by this time.

When I started seeing my husband, my friend and her mother were horrified when they found out that he was 15 years older than me, had various children/step-children, and worked in a "menial" job. When I told my brother that I was pregnant, he said that I would "probably be bringing up this baby alone". Everyone was very quick to judge him, not that I listened, I knew he was the one for me.

We're still together 16 years later!