Losing the plot with children!!

chewy62

:mad: I have blown a gasket today with my 4YO and 2YO sons, they are driving me mad! They emptied my hubby's drawers and threw clothes everywhere, I shouted and screamed and cried and shut 4YO in his room, but he was still naughty when he came out! 2 YO keeps nipping and biting me and when I shout at him he just laughs!
I work 2 days a week and think I need to work more as I get soooo bored at home and feel as if life is going on without me outside. 4 YO goes to nursery for 3 hours in afternoon and I also mind my 1 YO neice for 2 days a week, and she cries constantly!!! Help!!! Any advice for keeping sane peeps?:o

brazilianwax

chewy62 wrote: »

:mad: I have blown a gasket today with my 4YO and 2YO sons, they are driving me mad! They emptied my hubby's drawers and threw clothes everywhere, I shouted and screamed and cried and shut 4YO in his room, but he was still naughty when he came out! 2 YO keeps nipping and biting me and when I shout at him he just laughs!
I work 2 days a week and think I need to work more as I get soooo bored at home and feel as if life is going on without me outside. 4 YO goes to nursery for 3 hours in afternoon and I also mind my 1 YO neice for 2 days a week, and she cries constantly!!! Help!!! Any advice for keeping sane peeps?:o

Not a parent (thankfully) but what you have done completely goes against everything they 'teach' on Supernanny/House of Tiny Tearaways.

Would suggest you get them into bed and start watching!

abbecer

Apart from working two days a week your post could be written by me most days. My 2 and 4 year old boys drive me barking mad. Things are getting better now though the better weather is coming. I take them out every day. To the park, walk the dog, feed the ducks go for a picnic. Anything really to get me and them out of the house.

Rebecca x

lottee

brazilianwax wrote: »

Not a parent (thankfully) but what you have done completely goes against everything they 'teach' on Supernanny/House of Tiny Tearaways.

And when you are a parent, you will understand that life doesn't always run according to Supernanny/House if Tiny Tearaways! (although I wouldn't turn supernanny down if she ever wanted to pop in & give me a hand!)

Join the club! I look forward to going to work for a break!!! Get them into bed, & have a nice long relaxing bath, whilst sipping some chilled wine! Kids hey, who'd have them??!!

andyrules

Just remember that each of these difficult phases is just that - a phase and it WILL pass. Your 4 YO will soon be in school FT and your 2YO will start nursery. Take comfort from the quiet times when they are in bed and spoil yourself, glass of wine, TV etc.

Try to get out of the house as much as poss, it fills up the time, gives them a different view, and better still tires them out. Toddler groups, park, seaside, leisure centre - even a bus ride to town.

Your post reminded me of when DD was 2 and DS was due - she had a small friend round and they were playing in the garden. They dragged all of the washing off the line and posted it through the gate. Had no idea till OH came home and asked why his best trousers had just whizzed past him in the road. ha ha, but I remember feeling quite stressed at the time!!

brazilianwax

lottee wrote: »

And when you are a parent, you will understand that life doesn't always run according to Supernanny/House if Tiny Tearaways! (although I wouldn't turn supernanny down if she ever wanted to pop in & give me a hand!)

Join the club! I look forward to going to work for a break!!! Get them into bed, & have a nice long relaxing bath, whilst sipping some chilled wine! Kids hey, who'd have them??!!

I think you mean 'if', not 'when' :rolleyes:

chewy62

Brazilianwax, pretty obvious you're not a parent!!!!
I know the advice is to keep your cool, but i don't have avery laid back personality1
Think getting out of the house is areally good idea, I never really do that very much, and think a good run round would solve a lot of problems, thanks for the advice!
Does anyone alse get lonely in the house all day? I think also as my hubby won't be home till 11 pm tonight, it makes it seem worse1:o

Justie

Oh bless you poor soul. Take a deep breath and get a plan! Work out ways of structuring your time with the kids so that they're kept occupied and use up some of their energy. And if necessary let them empty the drawers but don't rise to it and then make a game of putting the clothes away again. Right now they're playing the game of 'wind up mummy' and the more response they get the more they'll do it. With the older boy especially you may want to look at things like sticker charts as rewards but with both you may need to get into a pattern of ignoring the bad behaviour and only giving attention to the good behaviour (ie praise like mad and get involved when they're playing nicely). Obviously things like biting need to be stopped but there are ways of managing this with time outs the key is to not lose your temper but to remain in control (hard I know when you're at your wits end). And if all else fails go into the other room and cry/rage etc but don't take it out on them.

brazilian is right in that House of Tiny Tearaways has good ways of showing how to discipline kids - as does supernanny. It's still easier said than done but it's about you showing that you're calm and in control and that you mean what you say - so if you say 'that's naughty, you do that again and you're getting time out' you have to put the child in 'time out' if they do it again - getting down onto their level when you speak to them and using a low tone of voice which helps you sound assertive is better than standing over them and shouting at them. Try to explain why something's bad too 'biting people hurts and makes them sad' etc.

In the mean time put them to bed and put the kettle on or open a bottle of wine!

brazilianwax

chewy62 wrote: »

Brazilianwax, pretty obvious you're not a parent!!!!

I was trying to help though.

Justie

chewy62 wrote: »

Brazilianwax, pretty obvious you're not a parent!!!!
I know the advice is to keep your cool, but i don't have avery laid back personality1
Think getting out of the house is areally good idea, I never really do that very much, and think a good run round would solve a lot of problems, thanks for the advice!
Does anyone alse get lonely in the house all day? I think also as my hubby won't be home till 11 pm tonight, it makes it seem worse1:o

I think most stay at home parents get lonely all day - every nanny I know talks ten to the dozen too when given the chance of adult conversation :rotfl:

this is where toddler groups and things like that can come in useful - the kids get to run around supervised but not under your feet and you get to talk to grown ups - and knowing you'll be on your own till 11pm is enough to make anyone want to shout and scream too

bigpaws23

(((HUGS))), I feel for you.

It sounds to me as if your wee boys are
i) bored
ii) looking to you to be more authoriative.
iii) need some routine?

Getting you to shout, scream and cry means that they are 'top dog' right now and you need to reverse that as quicly as possible. At this age, they are not being malicious, they are simply learning the law of action / reaction and tbh, shouting to most confident 2 year olds is just plain funny (and of course, they soon figure that the more they laugh, the more frustrated *you* get, so they get to laugh some more). This cycle needs to stop and you are the one to do it.

They need someone to look up to and I am guessing, without sounding condescending that perhaps you do not have a set of 'rules' that you stick to? Kids need their boundaries, but, more importantly, they need your consistency - this is the most difficult part. When you are bored / tired / frustrated there comes a time in a mama's life where you'll just do anything for a bit of space and peace, but this is the trap you mustn't fall in to.

My tips for discipline are to
i) choose your battles wisely - think about what is and is not acceptable and stick to them. Emptying clothes out is ok if a co-operative game of tidying up afterwards can be used for instance.

ii) don't use the word NO too often, or it loses its meaning. So, think about your words - instead of 'No you cannot do that', redirect their behaviour to what you DO want 'We are going to do xxxxx now'. It's all about getting them to hear what you DO want rather than what you DON'T want - a subtle but powerful difference

iii) routine - make one and stick to it. No matter how bored, tired, at the end of your tether you are, you must let your boys know what is coming next. If they know what is expected they feel safe; when they feel safe they don't need to push you to take control. FOr two lively boys, this needs to include lots of outdoor time.

iv) If your boys do something that DOES need punishment, then enforce the punishment there and then and make it 'fit the crime'.

v) carry out your promises and your threats. All of this gives the message that you mean what you say and say what you mean. Sticker charts can be useful for a 4 year old (2 might be a bit young) plus your 4 year old is at the right age to have a small list of chores that he is responsible for.

That's all from the top of my head, I might come back with more ideas later.

Good luck!
Bigpaws x