Meeting my biological father: opinions wanted.

*max*

I really wouldn't go. It's a very private and sensitive time for them, they will be distraught and upset. I don't know what your being there will achieve to be honest. Even just seeing your father from a distance under those circumstances can't be a nice thing to go through. There are far better ways and times to approach him/them than at his own mother's funeral.

Yorkie1

Chris_3003 wrote: »

They will be grieving, I have no intention of causing a scene, or any drama of any kind. I also have no expectations of any outcome, if i'm rejected then I've lost nothing. If he wants contact, then I'l deal with that on my terms.

I fully understand that you have no intention of causing a scene. But you have absolutely no way of predicting what will happen at the funeral - who will see whom, what conversations might be attempted etc.

By turning up completely unexpectedly you will be running the risk of forcing yourself on him and the family.

That to me seems to make it all about you, and that your feelings are more important than those of the people who are grieving one of the most important people in their lives.

I understand your desire to do this at this event, but there are many alternatives to achieve your wish - I agree with the other poster that to impose your wishes on this occasion appears selfish.

whitewing

It amazes me that users here think his grandmother's funeral has nothing to do with him, even if he did not know her it was no fault of his.

Anyway, there will be hundreds of moments tomorrow when you can decide to go, not go, leave early, stay etc etc. It isn't a decision that needs to be made now and stuck to - it can be changed at nearly any point.

Chris_3003

whitewing, those are my thoughts exactly.

Nan63

Yorkie1 wrote: »

I fully understand that you have no intention of causing a scene. But you have absolutely no way of predicting what will happen at the funeral - who will see whom, what conversations might be attempted etc.

By turning up completely unexpectedly you will be running the risk of forcing yourself on him and the family.

That to me seems to make it all about you, and that your feelings are more important than those of the people who are grieving one of the most important people in their lives.

I understand your desire to do this at this event, but there are many alternatives to achieve your wish - I agree with the other poster that to impose your wishes on this occasion appears selfish.

Couldn't have put it better. Find another place and time for introductions - the idea of card of condolence with your contact details is the best one yet.

Ms_Chocaholic

With all due respect, this is not about Chris going to his grandmother's funeral to pay respects to his grandmother and to grieve her passing; this is about going to the funeral to see his father.

Emmzi

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

With all due respect, this is not about Chris going to his grandmother's funeral to pay respects to his grandmother and to grieve her passing; this is about going to the funeral to see his father.

I'm not sure what your point is. Do you think that is a good or a bad thing?

Ms_Chocaholic

Emmzi wrote: »

I'm not sure what your point is. Do you think that is a good or a bad thing?

I should have quoted. My remarks were made in response to posts #34 + #35 re his grandmother's funeral having nothing to do with him and I was just seeking clarification really on the reason for him going to the funeral; I'm not sure of the main reason for that (given that the heading of the post is "meeting my biological father")

sparrer

Agree with those who suggest you don't go to a funeral of a person you don't know. You say it's your grandmother who you've never had the opportunity to meet but have you thought about her every day, has she always been at the forefront of your mind, have you grieved in all the years past for a woman you never knew? If you answer no to any of the above, then you will know deep down that you have no place at this funeral.

Of course you want to meet your family but if you are a reasonable human being then you will have respect for this private and personal occasion, relevant only to the lady's known family.

Now you know your father's whereabouts leave it until another time, the risk of being found out at his mother's funeral is just so unfair on him and his sisters.

I hope you consider what is right, and wish all goes well for you when you make contact at another, more appropriate, time.

Chris_3003

sparrer wrote: »

Agree with those who suggest you don't go to a funeral of a person you don't know. You say it's your grandmother who you've never had the opportunity to meet but have you thought about her every day, has she always been at the forefront of your mind, have you grieved in all the years past for a woman you never knew? If you answer no to any of the above, then you will know deep down that you have no place at this funeral.

Of course you want to meet your family but if you are a reasonable human being then you will have respect for this private and personal occasion, relevant only to the lady's known family.

Now you know your father's whereabouts leave it until another time, the risk of being found out at his mother's funeral is just so unfair on him and his sisters.

I hope you consider what is right, and wish all goes well for you when you make contact at another, more appropriate, time.

1. She is my grandmother, I have every right to attend.
2. "reasonable human-being" - I shall disregard this comment
3. I do not know my fathers permanent whereabouts, but for this first time in 27 years, I know where he will be at a certain point in time, after tomorrow, I'm chasing shadows again.