Being a minister's wife

Lunar_Eclipse

arbroath_lass wrote: »

Am I the only one to think you shouldn't be attending services if you are not Christian. .

In my experience, the (Anglican) Church is very welcoming to everyone, regardless of faith. Non believers who want to go to church could be seen as being on the road to Christianity.

I've just thought of my previous (truly inspiring) vicar's wife. I have no idea what her faith was, although I'd presume Christianity, but she was rarely in church. So it can be done!

It really is a 24/7 job being a minister though!

System

The only ministers wives ive ever known have been 'beleivers' and very active in the church. So active in fact their role in the church was to lead the ladies into prayer and hold ladies meetings where bible study on womens issues were discussed. They had an active but unpaid role.

How would you stand on communion? 1 corinthians 11.26-29 teaches "For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until He comes". I know i'm probably splitting hairs here but this is something you will probably need to go into before you accept the role as ministers wife.

Where do you stand on headcovering? I know i am nit picking again but i got critisised when i attended church as i refused to wear a hat as i struggled with submission to my husband. I still do. I still see submission as a role of doormat when i was assured it wasnt so.

Anyway, maybe my idea of church life isnt the same as everyone elses so i will end my post here.

tea_lover

I'm CofE, not CofS, but I would think there are some similarities. I've known vicars with non-Christian spouses and I don't think that's ever been a problem for them. Although obv. I don't know all the details of other people's marriages.

Good luck to you both, whatever you decide.

churchrat

hello

just thought I would share my experience.

My husband is ordained and has been for 4 years. He still has a "proper" job and works for the church in his free hours. I think that this is becoming more common, although it seems that you will be living the life and in church accommodation?

I am atheist and have been for many years. I can honestly say that not one person, even during the very lengthy selection process once asked me if I believed in god. I was asked about praying "styles", how I felt about various issues and what I would do in certain situations (usually practical issues) and how much support I would give my oh. But not once, did anyone say "do you believe in god?". As someone else has said, its assumed that your are or you would not be there. Spouses who are from different traditions, in my experience, had an easier time of it than I did. Everybody went out of their way to make sure that the one Jewish spouse in my oh's class was made to feel welcome.

I was glad that nobody asked, as I would have had to say that I was an atheist and we had already decided that I would not lie about this.

I am very glad that my oh has done this. It seems to have completed him somehow, he is extremely happy. I'm not saying that we dont have some disagreements (we have had some huge rows along the way) but for both of us it has been a very positive experience.

There have been some very odd and funny moments( being approached by some very strange looking men in the high street, calling us by name and asking for money) or us going out straight after church, him in his dog collar and being shouted at by complete strangers or being accused of being a !!!!!phile are all parts of a working week.

I think the biggest thing for me has been how much I have changed over the years. This is not a "job". It is a full and complete life that impacts on every single aspect of your lives together. There will be nothing that is not affected and changed by it. Much of your private life will disappear, you will be expected to be on call 24 hours a day each and every single day of the year. If you have a family emergency or disaster you will be expected to put it on hold if the parish needs you.

Some parishioners will support you, some will think that every thing you and you oh do is wrong. There will be endless meetings about things you have never heard of and see no point in. You will find it impossible to have an "at home" holiday"

I could go on and on, but my long winded point is--no matter how prepared you think you are--you will not get it right!!!!!

There has not been a single couple who trained at the same time as us that has come out of it the same people that went in. And the ripples are endless.

For me, I focus on the human side of things and let my oh take care of the rest, because , when it really matters, thats what the people that come to see him really want. They are usually grateful for the things I can sort out but they really want the comfort that their religion can bring them.

Please let me know if I can let you know about anything else.

churchrat

cazziebo

Long term C of S member, formerly a youth leader and very active in the church, including being on the appointments board for one vacancy.

One of our ministers was gay (and still is but no longer minister of that church!) Probably the worst kept secret in town and he was incredibly popular.

I was involved in his replacement, and not once did the subject of the spouse's involvement come up. There was no expectation at all that she would be obligated to a role. We were anxious that the family would come live in the manse in the village but probably wouldn't have been a showstopper if we got the right person.Other than the choir, she didn't get involved at all. (and sometimes put the two kids in the creche, didn't come to the service, and never took her turn on creche duty - now that rankled!)

Increasingly ministers cover more than one church. Our parish had two churches, and now covers four. Where I live now, which is more rural, some of the churches are 20 or so miles apart. I wouldn't expect a minister's wife to take a service, unless she was also an elder.

Wonder if minister's husbands face the same challenges?

Savvy_Sue

arbroath_lass wrote: »

Am I the only one to think you shouldn't be attending services if you are not Christian.

The church exists (or should exist) for the benefit of those who aren't members. heck, if you couldn't go to church before becoming a Christian, there'd soon be no-one there! People come along for all kinds of reasons!

cazziebo wrote: »

Wonder if minister's husbands face the same challenges?

I think you'll find they do! Plus some, why her and not him if it's just one of them!

Gloomendoom

Judi wrote: »

Where do you stand on headcovering? I know i am nit picking again but i got critisised when i attended church as i refused to wear a hat as i struggled with submission to my husband. I still do. I still see submission as a role of doormat when i was assured it wasnt so.

Anyway, maybe my idea of church life isnt the same as everyone elses so i will end my post here.

I think your idea of church life is definitely not the same as everyone else's. Doormat indeed!

I am a member of our local C of E church and have attended services at many others. There was no expectation for ladies to wear hats at any of them. They can if they want to. Mrs G has attended church services hatless, wearing a mini skirt and six inch heels. She hasn't been turned away or excommunicated yet.

System

Gloomendoom wrote: »

I think your idea of church life is definitely not the same as everyone else's. Doormat indeed!

Hence the fact i dont go anymore.:D Oh and the fact they didnt like my makeup either.:D:D

Gloomendoom

Judi wrote: »

Hence the fact i dont go anymore.:D Oh and the fact they didnt like my makeup either.:D:D

If you find a particular church doesn't suit you, find one that does. By church, I don't mean denomination, I mean group of people who worship together.

BTW which church did you attend? Was it the 'Wee Free' by any chance?

LordSVS

You're an atheist (good on you for that), but you're married to a Christian? What on earth?

What is this world coming to, I ask!!

Lord SVS