Being a minister's wife

jason1231972

scottishlass72 wrote: »

II've asked my husband and he says he doesn't think I'd be expected to lead prayers and that I could choose how involved I want to be. He may be looking at this through rose-colored glasses, however. He also says that if anyone asks about my beliefs I can tell them he says !!!! off!!! :rotfl: More seriously he says I should say I'm Jewish because if I say I'm an atheist or agnostic they'll try to convert me but if I say I'm Jewish they're stuffed! It's true, too, I am "technically" Jewish.

Not exactly the same situation, but...

...I grew up with a guy who married a (secular) Jewish girl. He later converted to Islam, and takes things very seriously (to the point where he's quite boring now, and we don't speak much). He leads prayers and such in the mosque. Not sure if he's a full-blown Imam or whatever, but if he's not, he should be. He remains married to his wife, because Islam permits men to marry Muslim, Christian or Jewish women. He's that serious about his faith that he probably would have divorced her already if her faith didn't fall into one of these three categories :rotfl:

Anyway, my point is, he's heavily involved in the heart of a very religious community who take themselves and their faith quite seriously, but - insofar as I'd been able to gather from our former close friendship - don't give a hoot about his wife's exact faith, so long as it's 'permitted'

barbiedoll

OP, is the vicar at your husband's church married? If so, why not go and have a chat with his wife? Or if not, I'm sure that he will know other vicar's wives who will be able to tell you exactly what, if anything, is expected of you, should your husband decide to follow his calling.

You sound lovely, you're clearly a caring and compassionate woman and any parish would be lucky to have you, whether or not you are a "believer".

Dunroamin

I don't know very much about the Cof S but I doubt very much that you'd get a choice of where you'd be sent.

ETA

I also just thought, if you have any children (I'm assuming that you don't already) won't they be Jewish?

jm2926

He would have placements during training, which may not be local, and once qualified there would be no guarantee of a local post. How would this affect your career?

scottishlass72

Dunroamin wrote: »

I don't know very much about the Cof S but I doubt very much that you'd get a choice of where you'd be sent.

ETA

I also just thought, if you have any children (I'm assuming that you don't already) won't they be Jewish?

Thanks so much for all the advice, kind words, encouragement and hard truths so far to everyone who has replied!

My partner and I don't have children and don't plan to - I'm "childfree by choice", he has two grown children from a previous marriage (the plot thickens! :eek:)

Also I'm pretty sure we'll have a good choice of where we go, there are tons of vacancies for ministers and they're all advertised on the church's web site. Plus there will probably be a lot more once my husband qualifies, both due to retirements of older ministers and walkouts of those who don't like the fact that the church is becoming more inclusive (which suits us perfectly!).

Great idea about talking to his current minister's wife - yes I'll definitely do that once he goes public about his application - at the moment we're keeping quiet on this at least until he attends the required conference and we decide for certain we want to apply.

jm2926 wrote: »

He would have placements during training, which may not be local, and once qualified there would be no guarantee of a local post. How would this affect your career?

Depending on whether I keep working full-time or part-time, I'd have to work away some of the time but could work from home most of the time. We're okay with him spending part of each week away on placements during the first three years, although we're hoping he will find something close enough that he can be home every weekend. I'd be supporting us during his training so I'd keep living where we're living now.

zcrat41

Watch Rev.

Seriously funny and to get material the writers spoke to many real vicars.

It sounds like you are both very tolerant people, when I first read your post I thought "hmmm, it'll never work", on reading more I really do think you'd both have a chance.

Don't underestimate how small minded, old fashioned and restrictive some parishes might be. I say that as a Christian with strong connections to a very rural CofS parish!

Molly41

Listen to the Archers on Radio 4. No seriously.... Alan the vicar is C of E but married to Usha who is muslim. Now there was a very interesting dialogue around the combination of their two faiths with some lovely interactions and adaptations of celebrations. I know there was a lot of research around the programmes and that they reflect true life situations.
ETA like minded and cross posted with post 17!!

Dunroamin

scottishlass72 wrote: »

My partner and I don't have children and don't plan to - I'm "childfree by choice", he has two grown children from a previous marriage (the plot thickens! :eek:).

Does the CofS allow divorced ministers?

scottishlass72

Dunroamin wrote: »

Does the CofS allow divorced ministers?

Yes, as far as we understand it. Their position on divorce is that "Marriage is not understood in the Church of Scotland to be a sacrament, and therefore binding for ever. " We do think it may count against him in the selection process, but at the same time there is a lot in his favour including his current career which is in the caring professions, plus his commitment to the church which he has shown over many years. His divorce was due to his spouse's repeated adultery and hopefully they will understand that it wasn't his fault or his choice to get divorced. He has only had two girlfriends in his entire life, and I was the second!

CH27

scottishlass72 wrote: »

Thanks so much for all the advice, kind words, encouragement and hard truths so far to everyone who has replied!

My partner and I don't have children and don't plan to - I'm "childfree by choice", he has two grown children from a previous marriage (the plot thickens! :eek:)

Also I'm pretty sure we'll have a good choice of where we go, there are tons of vacancies for ministers and they're all advertised on the church's web site. Plus there will probably be a lot more once my husband qualifies, both due to retirements of older ministers and walkouts of those who don't like the fact that the church is becoming more inclusive (which suits us perfectly!).

Great idea about talking to his current minister's wife - yes I'll definitely do that once he goes public about his application - at the moment we're keeping quiet on this at least until he attends the required conference and we decide for certain we want to apply.



Depending on whether I keep working full-time or part-time, I'd have to work away some of the time but could work from home most of the time. We're okay with him spending part of each week away on placements during the first three years, although we're hoping he will find something close enough that he can be home every weekend. I'd be supporting us during his training so I'd keep living where we're living now.

He will be busy on Sundays.