Being a minister's wife

pinkclouds

Torry_Quine wrote: »

He won't be home at weekends that's the busiest time!

Yes, I agree. Weekends will be *very* busy. There's the regular church services *plus* christenings, marriages, funerals... then there's other stuff like house calls, answering the phone/email, etc, which, while they will happen through the week too, may also happen at weekends. If he's truly dedicated then he'll never find himself short of things to do.

Savvy_Sue

Molly41 wrote: »

Listen to the Archers on Radio 4. No seriously.... Alan the vicar is C of E but married to Usha who is muslim. Now there was a very interesting dialogue around the combination of their two faiths with some lovely interactions and adaptations of celebrations. I know there was a lot of research around the programmes and that they reflect true life situations.

some lovely interactions, and some really strong 'anti' ones too. As there were when they had a woman vicar. It may 'only' be a drama, but there's a lot of truth.

BTW I thought Usha was Hindu, not muslim.

OP, there may be lots of vacancies, but if it's anything like the CofE / URC / several other denominations, you may find that the only 'choice' your DH will get is where to 'apply'. It's the church who decide whether or not to 'call' him. You'll be expected to go on the visits where they meet you both and decide whether or not to 'call' him. And in some - even 'progressive' - churches, the fact that you're not a Christian will be a barrier.

But you'll find that out as he works through the process. TBH, I'd be surprised if they didn't interview you as well as him before deciding whether or not to accept him for training.

Bublin1

Well, will your husband be practicing what he'll be preaching?......I'm just saying......

2 Corinthians 6:14

New International Version (NIV)


14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

MandM90

pinkclouds wrote: »

As for being eco-friendly, it is societally desirable, as a greater good for our planet, but it's not a prerequisite of Christianity. If one of hubby's potential flock persists in throwing their yoghurt pots into the landfill bin then they aren't going to render themselves unredeemable.
.

Isn't being a 'steward of the Earth' and protecting "his" creation religiously as well as societally desireable?

OP, I wish you good luck. You sound like a great person that any community would be lucky to have.

pinkclouds

Bublin1 wrote: »

Well, will your husband be practicing what he'll be preaching?......I'm just saying......

2 Corinthians 6:14

I'd like to counter that with the book of Ruth. Love can do wonderful things.

MandM90 wrote: »

Isn't being a 'steward of the Earth' and protecting "his" creation religiously as well as societally desireable?

Perhaps desirable was the wrong word. But I don't think God has put me on the permanent naughty list for failing to use cloth nappies or not installing solar panels. I suppose "steward" might be an interpretation. Man was given dominion over the earth. Putting that to one side, some people may have more urgent priorities - perhaps driven by personal circumstances - and a minister's wife should be even more understanding and compassionate than, well, some regular person like me.

ashbtvs

Hello OP. Thought I'd throw in my tuppence.

My Dad decided to become a minister in the C of S a few years ago and has now been in his first permanent post for a year and a half.

My Mum is a Christian and has had to adapt majorly to my dad's new job. No one can prepare you for how much of a 24/7 job it is. You have to be prepared for unexpected visitors at the door and phonecalls at all times, day and night. It is also difficult to say how much it has overtaken my dad's life (not necessarily a bad thing!). If he is not out at meetings, taking services, or doing visits, then he is in his study preparing for the next service into all hours of the night. They have to prepare well in advance just to spend time together, and even that can be dropped at a moment's notice if something comes up.

My mum is not expected to say prayers or lead any part of the services, although the congregation "expect" her to attend. As a christian and someone who works with children, she has actually taken on the sunday school at the church and integrated really well with the congregation.

Personally, I have been involved with my own church when they were looking for a new minister. The divorce is not so much of an issue these days, although more "old fashioned" churches may think twice. It sounds like you would be looking for something a bit more modern to match you and your husband's view anyway.

I don't think that you not being a Christian is a deal breaker IMHO. As long as you and your husband are honest about this from the beginning, the church that chooses you both will know what to expect.

Where in Scotland are you based? This has a big impact on placements and eventual posts.

scooterpig

I was brought in the Church of Scotland, and as a child attended reasonably regularly. Our old minister left, and when the new one arrived, his wife was never to be seen. In all the years he was with the congregation (probably around 20), I never met or saw his wife (and they lived in the next street to us). His son attended the church but his daughter choose not to (they were in my school). Nobody really bothered about the fact his wife played no part in church life, and the congregation thrived. The previous minister's wife, though active in the church, never played any formal role in services, such as leading prayers. I have a friend who is the son of a minister, he too was not expected to attend when he was old enough to make the decision for himself, and at the time, his dad was a minister in a rural area. So how the minister's family are viewed will very much depend on the individual parish.

I have a friend who is a minister, and when she decided to move on from her parish she could apply for different parishes, so there was some element of choice.

CH27

I've been thinking about this.

I know 2 vicars. They are both married & their wives have full time jobs.
One the major things they struggle with is the fact that the vicar takes his day off as and when he can. They both try to take saturdays off but weddings etc get in the way off that.
So it often ends up wife off saturday & sunday which are vicar's busiest days then vicar as a day off in the week & wife is a work so they don't get to spend a lot of time together.

Both of them are fully supportive of their husbands & active in the church.

I think you may struggle wih the demands of the job on your husband because you don't seem understand the way it can take over everything.

arbroath_lass

Am I the only one to think you shouldn't be attending services if you are not Christian. Not for your reasons. I'd have more respect for someone who was true to their own beliefs. But what do I know - I'm not Christian.

I'm not having a go at the OP she sounds like a lovely woman and an extremely supportive wife. I'm sure in the right parish her husband's parishioners will love her anyway, without the pretence.

Lunar_Eclipse

Your beliefs should not affect your husband's selection and role in the slightest. (Our CofE vicar is married to a Jew; admittedly in England and not Scotland. Times have changed a lot.) Religion is personal.

I would say that how he handles his divorce will have a much greater impact on his selection and then success in the church. Location too! Additionally, do bear in mind that this new career is a lifestyle and not a job. It will change your lives considerably, but given everything you've said, from the nature of your relationship to your personal humanitarian outlook, it could be the beginning of the most exciting adventure you've ever had. Good luck!