Being a minister's wife

Emmzi

I would be less worried about his job and more about what happens if his faith grows deeper and yours shallower. i.e. you start to feel that hubby's imaginery friend is more important than your marriage.

I would want to explore this in non denominational counselling.

zcrat41

Molly41 wrote: »

Listen to the Archers on Radio 4. No seriously.... Alan the vicar is C of E but married to Usha who is muslim. Now there was a very interesting dialogue around the combination of their two faiths with some lovely interactions and adaptations of celebrations. I know there was a lot of research around the programmes and that they reflect true life situations.
ETA like minded and cross posted with post 17!!

She should have told Amy though

LavenderBoy

Just wanted to say that I loved your post !

You sound like you could make a real difference in the church and you in your own right sound like an inspirational person.

You dont have to be the classic 'ministers wife'

I am sure in this day and age the church is looking for people like you and your husband that can help them attract more young people and grow the church.

I know its not much of a helpful post but just wanted to drop in my comments

Nicki

Dunroamin wrote: »

Does the CofS allow divorced ministers?

Our last C of E minister was divorced and remarried before he was ordained. Certainly in the C of E, whilst not the preferred option, it wasn't an out and out no. Is the C of S more fundamental than the C of E? I don't think I've ever attended a C of S service and know nothing about it

Toothfairy4

I am not sure how Church of Scotland compares but I was brought up Church of Ireland, and believe me if the ministers wife was campaigning for gay/lesbian/transgender rights there would have been uproar. I remember when Harry Potter came out there were some people along with the minister campaigning against it because it contained magic 'Devil's work' etc etc.

Not trying to have a go at you at all as I am not religious at all myself and have some gay/lesbian friends, and agree with you that everyone should be accepted. I just think it would be wrong to underestimate how small-minded some people can be. Again, I know of religious people who are not like this at all!

Mrs_Imp

On a more practical level, how good are your cake baking skills?

HelenKA_2

I'd say that being a ministers wife is amongst the hardest things to be. And that would be if she DID support him in believing the same as him.

Without that common binding I don't see how HE could survive as minister and also be a good husband.

He will continually be torn and she would be continually disappointed.

Getting ready for flames - but remember scottish lass did ask the question.

meritaten

I am not sure with this one - on the one hand ministers wives tended to be his housekeeper, social secretary, right hand man and still raised a family.
But, times move on - I think if you support your OH in his job and have respect for his faith and you both have this common interest - then it could work for you. Try it - if you dont at least one of you is going to regret it. If you try and it doesnt work out then at least you both know you did your best. If you dont try - then it will fester and sour your relationship.

Torry_Quine

scottishlass72 wrote: »

In fact, I have never been to church. I grew up Jewish and realized I was an atheist when I was 11 years old. Now I've come 'round to thinking of myself as agnostic as I don't feel we can know for sure whether or not God exists. I would definitely not be comfortable with or at all qualified to lead prayers!

It wouldn't be compulsory but very surprising that the minister's wife didn't pray at times such as in meetings etc.

I've asked my husband and he says he doesn't think I'd be expected to lead prayers and that I could choose how involved I want to be. He may be looking at this through rose-colored glasses, however. He also says that if anyone asks about my beliefs I can tell them he says !!!! off!!! :rotfl: More seriously he says I should say I'm Jewish because if I say I'm an atheist or agnostic they'll try to convert me but if I say I'm Jewish they're stuffed! It's true, too, I am "technically" Jewish.

He's looking through rose-coloured glasses! You certainly couldn't tell me to !!! off if they asked such an obvious question. Why would they be stuffed if you said you were Jewish - they first Christians were all Jewish.

I would be willing to do things like: go to church, help with car boot sales, run a food bank, help needy families, campaign for LBGT rights within the church, help with youth groups, run environmental awareness campaigns, etc. If it turns out that I won't be working full-time (something we're considering) then I could obviously do more.


Campaigning for LGBT rights is a really difficult area and may be frowned upon in some circles.


He is honestly not like that. I can see how you might think that, but it really isn't a problem for us. We're both extremely tolerant and accepting of other peoples' differences including our differences from each other. When we started dating I admit I had quite negative views of Christians but he's changed all that for me. I used to think Christianity was a way of small-minded people to judge and feel superior to others. Now, having known him I know what a true Christian is and I see a lot of value in spreading a message of love and compassion. That's why I support him in this, I'm just worried about the impact on me!

The thing is that if he's going to be a minister then he should be like this. Christ should be the most important thing in his life above everything including you!

[QUOTE=scottishlass72;53390741

Also I'm pretty sure we'll have a good choice of where we go, there are tons of vacancies for ministers and they're all advertised on the church's web site. Plus there will probably be a lot more once my husband qualifies, both due to retirements of older ministers and walkouts of those who don't like the fact that the church is becoming more inclusive (which suits us perfectly!).

Depending on whether I keep working full-time or part-time, I'd have to work away some of the time but could work from home most of the time. We're okay with him spending part of each week away on placements during the first three years, although we're hoping he will find something close enough that he can be home every weekend. I'd be supporting us during his training so I'd keep living where we're living now.[/QUOTE]



It's naive to think that he'll necessarily get a choice of where he goes. Especially in the early days.

He won't be home at weekends that's the busiest time! :rotfl:It's not a case of him finding somewhere close, it's where there's the need and availabilty.

Dunroamin wrote: »

Does the CofS allow divorced ministers?

Yes it does.

pinkclouds

scottishlass72 wrote: »

How would people know, though? I feel my beliefs are my private business. Are people going to go around asking me about my own personal beliefs?

No one will ask. They will assume. They will expect you to be of the same faith as your husband and your response to any conversations (about God) will expose the truth.

As you're not Catholic, I don't think it matters one whit that you're his second wife. We're only human. However, both of you should "lead" by example not by proxy. You don't have to be prim and proper but you should be a true believer. I feel it would be cruelly misleading to suggest that your belief and actions would not reflect upon your husband.

Running a food bank, helping the poor and organising youth groups are all commendable intentions. Campaigning for the environment and LGBT youth rights are... personal issues, not church-specific issues. You're supposed to encourage the kids (of all orientations) to be chaste rather than to find a date in the pews! It would be better for you to demonstrate acceptance of adult LGBT members of the congregation - while, at the same time, not undermining any appropriate doctrine that your husband must support. If you seek to totally change your husband's chosen faith from within his church then you will effectively be campaigning for him to form a splinter church under a new branch of his faith. As for being eco-friendly, it is societally desirable, as a greater good for our planet, but it's not a prerequisite of Christianity. If one of hubby's potential flock persists in throwing their yoghurt pots into the landfill bin then they aren't going to render themselves unredeemable.

If it's of any comfort to you, I will say a prayer for you tonight that you and your husband will find the answers you need and the right path to God. I might also have to ask for greater forbearance for myself. I guess I know some of my own shortcomings... I've spent several minutes deleting and rewriting my words! I really am trying to help.