Bigoted best friend?

londonsurrey

adouglasmhor wrote: »

Can I be a Rambutan?

Red, hairy and crawling with ants?

vax2002

I think this thread is a bit fake and you are trying to pedal something yourself here.

adouglasmhor

londonsurrey wrote: »

Red, hairy and crawling with ants?

Miss out the ants and you have a deal.

Valli

vax2002 wrote: »

I think this thread is a bit fake and you are trying to pedal something yourself here.

It's either fake or true. It can't be a bit fake.

And what do you think the OP is trying to peddle?

While I agree the OP has no responsibility to educate her friend I do think she is a VERY positive influence in the life of her friend's children.

fluffnutter

vax2002 wrote: »

I think this thread is a bit fake and you are trying to pedal something yourself here.

A pushbike?

londonsurrey

adouglasmhor wrote: »

Miss out the ants and you have a deal.

Lol. Hope you're bearing up in this weather. I'm not hairy, and I'm still feeling the heat!

Ames

Is it possible that this isn't a long held belief but something she's just recently been told or read? It's strange that her parents and siblings aren't racist, and she's been friends with you for so long without doing something like this before.

Mojisola

Emmzi wrote: »

It is in no way the OPs job to educate her racist friend.

fluffnutter wrote: »

However, it's quite a cruel approach. I know my old friend was left bewildered by my actions. If you're a kind person, then speak to her.

It isn't her job to educate her friend but I would give a friend of such longstanding an explanation why I didn't want to see her again. I think it would give me closure on the matter too.

I doubt I could do it face-to-face. I'd probably write a letter.

duchy

It's all very well saying you should educate this woman by example BUT now you've seen this side of her -you're going to be forever waiting for her to drop another racist bomb-wonder what she's saying to your kids -or even how she talks about you. I don't think you have any choice but to end the friendship.

The polite thing would be to tell her why in a letter (so you get an uninterupted say and can express what you need to say clearly) but from your tale about the meal -I wouldn't hold your breath that she'll "get it". She sounds pretty self obsessed.

As for the cocont comment -I completely understood the context first time around and saw nothing offensive in it. I do similar myself coming from a background of two very different faiths -neither of which match my personal ethos and ethics.

shocked222

I think, on reflection, I can't just cut her off without explanation. When I left her on Sunday, she had no idea that I was still offended and that this was playing over and over in my mind. I've since kicked myself that I didn't walk away there and then when she said it (she actually repeated the whole thing twice then was just gawping at me that I didn't agree with her and kept saying "it isn't horrible, it's just the truth."). I don't think my own race had dawned on her at that point. If I'd have walked away, I think she would have realised that actually she had been very offensive. I think two things stopped me from walking away, 1. I was holding her child at the time and 2. I was just completely dumbfounded.
There was this awful moment where she made the initial comment, which came out of nowhere and I thought I had just assumed she was talking about the black family and I was disgusted at myself for thinking that's what she meant. This was due to a look of total innocence on her face when I actually gasped and said "that's a horrible thing to say". Then she opened her mouth and all I can describe as diarrhoea came out and I realised that she had actually said that. Now I can sit here and think of all sorts of things I could have said, hindsight and all that. I'm in a position where I feel that I can't say anything face to face (I don't think I actually even want to be in her presence) but I could text, email or right a letter saying how shocked and hurt I was and politely explaining that her beliefs are wrong, and of she does actually bother to do some research then she will discover for herself that what she said was actually very evil and left me feeling that I can't be friends with someone who thinks those things about any people regardless of the fact my family, my flesh and blood, belong to those races. And I'd explain how hard this was for me as we have been so close but I can't be friends with someone who sees me and my loved ones as less human than her.

I've been racking my brains as to where she could have come up with this and I vaguely remember a film a few years ago that she could have seen and got completely the wrong end of the stick about and she has also visited the country this film is about, possibly also a museum there which may have had the propaganda related to that time on display (as in "look at the ridiculous things peope used to say and belief, look at how people were brain washed) and she actually believed it. It was the way she referred me to a world famous museum where I would "see all this for myself" that made me think where could she have got this from? It's sad really that people could be that stupid.

Vax, have no idea what you are going on about either. I'm heartbroken over this. All I can think is that you saw my username and thought it was a bit weird for a newbie to post this but this isn't my regular username. I am a regular MSE forum user, just under an alias for privacy.