Bigoted best friend?

londonsurrey

I think the odds are that you're right in thinking she'll blame you or something. Basically, these scenarios rarely end in the bigoted party changing their minds and seeing the error of their prejudices.

She might throw in some comment like "Oh, but I didn't mean you", or "But you're different (from all the other people she's bigoted against)", not understanding that it doesn't make it better, it's just plain insulting - to your intelligence and to plain decency.

I am sorry you're going through this. It might be an idea to explain it to her husband if he is the way you describe, and why you're politely withdrawing, otherwise he'll just get a garbled version of events and he's the children's best chance of not being brought up as bigots.

jason1231972

shocked222 wrote: »

All I can think is that she "forgot" I was mixed race?! And (stupid me), I didn't want to be accused of "playing the race card" by turning round and saying "erm, have you forgot I'm half black?".

I'm MR too. I've heard all there is to hear as far as racist comments go over the years, including from 'friends'. I think there is some element of truth in people 'forgetting'. Not forgetting as such (because the colour of your skin is patently obvious), but getting too 'comfortable'. Racism can be thrown about very casually, without the purpetrator even consciously realising (or caring). I prefer it when it's explicit, at least you know what you're dealing with upfront! :rotfl:Like others have said, her true colours have shone through.

A predictable response to people whose racism is challenged by others is "oh, but I don't mean YOU, of course!!" They're very much like the "I'm not racist, but..." crowd

"People of colour" who are racist make my blood boil, too. I remember overhearing two men talking on the train once, complaining about the influx of effin' [P-words...Asians] coming into our country and taking our jobs. I turned around to give them a cold, hard glare and both men were blacker than black!

What a world we live in.

shocked222

jason1231972 wrote: »

I'm MR too. I've heard all there is to hear as far as racist comments go over the years, including from 'friends'. I think there is some element of truth in people 'forgetting'. Not forgetting as such (because the colour of your skin is patently obvious), but getting too 'comfortable'. Racism can be thrown about very casually, without the purpetrator even consciously realising (or caring). I prefer it when it's explicit, at least you know what you're dealing with upfront! :rotfl:Like others have said, her true colours have shone through.

A predictable response to people whose racism is challenged by others is "oh, but I don't mean YOU, of course!!" They're very much like the "I'm not racist, but..." crowd

"People of colour" who are racist make my blood boil, too. I remember overhearing two men talking on the train once, complaining about the influx of effin' [P-words...Asians] coming into our country and taking our jobs. I turned around to give them a cold, hard glare and both men were blacker than black!

What a world we live in.

All very true! I think sometimes when you are mixed race or the child of an interfaith couple you see the worst of both worlds!

londonsurrey

jason1231972 wrote: »

"People of colour" who are racist make my blood boil, too. I remember overhearing two men talking on the train once, complaining about the influx of effin' [P-words...Asians] coming into our country and taking our jobs. I turned around to give them a cold, hard glare and both men were blacker than black!

As I say to people, see, all the different nations are really the same, and have most of the same problems - even the idiots are shared through the nations.

VfM4meplse

shocked222 wrote: »

With all due respect I've met her parents, they've met mine and I think if they held the same views as her they "wouldn't have allowed" us to be friends and certainly her parents and siblings wouldn't have treated me with the warmth they have over the years - they all have seen me as family.

All I can think is that she misread a book on slavery or something.

When are you going to stop making excuses for her? I think you've spent enough time soulsearching and ruminating online, you either need to take some action or just forget her. Although why you would treat her with the consideration she denied you beats me.

peachyprice

I know this is a serious thread OP, and the things your 'friend' has said are despicable, but everytime I read your title all I see is Bigtoed best friend

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

She sounds thick as !!!!. And half as attractive.

How on earth have you managed to tolerate such a fool for so long?


It's like the day you look at the OH and think "actually, you're self obsessed, uneducated, underachieving, whining idiot with an oversized sense of entitlement and an undersized endowment and for the life of me, I can't fathom out what I ever saw in you'.

Not nice, but it happens.

Tell her to get lost, mourn your loss and move on.

pixelation

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

It's like the day you look at the OH and think "actually, you're self obsessed, uneducated, underachieving, whining idiot with an oversized sense of entitlement and an undersized endowment and for the life of me, I can't fathom out what I ever saw in you'.

Did I marry your ex? :rotfl:

Shocked,
I don't know what you can possibly do? Is she the sort you can re-educate?
What a horrible situation.
In the words of The Specials "Tell them to change their views
Or change their friends".
Wishing you strength through it all.

Emmzi

she sounds too thick to change or get the point.

really. join some groups and meet new people. not everyone is a git,

PoorCharleyBear

I find it sad that there are so many people around like this one.
I would find it hard to remain friends. People are all deserving of respect until they prove otherwise- which is personality driven not random colour gene driven.

My DH and DD are mixed race. We were at a family gathering when a family member who I had always been so close to, came out with a particularly racist comment about non-white folk. I was livid but of course this person said 'well I don't mean them (DH and DD0 as I don't think of them as non-white. They are family'.

Ah well that makes it all OK then, doesn't it? My small daughter wonders why we never see these people now, but I cannot hang around with people with such abhorrent views.

Some toxic people are better to not be in your life.