Bigoted best friend?

shocked222

Bluemeanie wrote: »

I have this but with Gypsy and traveller heritage. My Great Grandma was settled and married a Gypsy man (Great Grandad). My Nanna's earliest memory was travelling from Norwich to Leicester to get building work. They became settled and all the family has been settled since then.
If I mention it to people they can make jokes that I take on the chin, like "that must be why you like buying and selling stuff" or why I like Paul's Boutique gear etc. Like I take all the sexist, ageist off the cuff comments people make in my stride.

However, what she said was outrightly purely offensive!!!

I must sound so smarmy but I always defend Travellers and Gypsys, part of me loves it when people start to slag them off and I chip in and tell people of my experiences of teaching on campsites and singing at Gypsy weddings and funerals :eek: the look on their faces is priceless. I had already accepted a placement teaching traveller kids on an illegal site long, long, before I had any idea that there was a prejudice towards gypsies and travellers. I had NEVER heard anything negative said about gypsies and travellers in my life and had no idea how much hatred there was towards them. Yup, I lived under a rock. Ignorance is bliss. You should have seen peoples faces when they found out I taught on an illegal site. They were in genuine shock that I hadn't been robbed or murdered :rotfl:. The community on the site were in shock that I wanted to work there, they thought I must have heard all the horror stories - they admired me for being so brave and having the gumption to find out the truth for myself! The students from the uni where I studied used to throw urine and faeces at the young traveller mums with their buggies so I wasn't trusted at first but I was never insulted or treated badly. And i'm SO glad I've had that unique experience. It definitely taught me not to judge a book by it's cover.

meritaten

VfM4meplse wrote: »

OP, this woman was never your friend. You know her fixed views now, accept it and move on before your kids are adversely affected by her. They need to be confident in who they are, and proud of their heritage regardless of skin colour. They may look white, but they need to know their history is diverse and appreciate it's what makes them what they are.This is actually very common, along with the comment "well you're different" (implying "you're alright though") as a way of justifying racisim to the rest of your race. I've witnessed it several times, particularly in reference to "the Paki shop".

Personally I'd much rather be a coconut than a lychee.[/QUOTE]

I find this remark offensive actually - it implies racism in that it means white on the inside and black/brown outside. and the Lychee???????????

Most of the posters on here deplore racism - and here YOU are declaring yourself to be white inside a black skin!

what part of 'we are ALL human' don't you understand?

Blue_Elephant

lostinrates wrote: »

I have heard much racism from people of other skin colours. Its wrong whereever it comes from.

Bigotry was never exclusively white. That much is true.

I had an encounter today that I found exceptionally funny though. I was walking through the precinct in town, and there were folk walking towards me. The first set were a white family speaking to each other rapidly in French. Then there was a Polish couple (again white - this is relevant) and then 2 white ladies speaking in a language I couldn't place, I think east Europe though. I thought to myself isn't it amazing how multicultural this place is.. Then a couple of minutes later, I realise the 2 well to do looking asian ladies walking behind me must have noticed the same thing as I hear in heavily accented English "Look at all these foreigners coming and taking all our jobs" (you have to imagine quite a strong Asian accent here). I'm ashamed to admit I was too busy being shocked and laughing at the sheer irony to actually say anything. Really wish I had though!

Blue_Elephant

meritaten wrote: »

I find this remark offensive actually - it implies racism in that it means white on the inside and black/brown outside. and the Lychee???????????

Most of the posters on here deplore racism - and here YOU are declaring yourself to be white inside a black skin!

what part of 'we are ALL human' don't you understand?

It was me that used the word coconut originally, I just meant that by circumstance I have very few asian friends and that I sometimes identify better with the western culture than I do my "own", that's all. I have no idea what a lychee is supposed to be though.

Scrapaholic

Just to say how sad for you to realise that your friend thought this way ,opened her mouth and all these racist comments came out . It would be really hard to be her friend now , knowing what she thinks . What a shock it must have been for you . Sending you all best wishes .

FLAPJACK

My first contact with someone who has "views" such as your "friend" only happened late in life for me....

What astounds me is the way these people can talk like they do, because to me it makes me think that they automatically think you are of the same opinion....and how could they be wrong?

Also I have learn't that intelligence of the person involved sometimes doesn't seem to come into it, the person I know is a highly qualified/paid professional and deals a lot with ethnic communities!

No matter what you try and talk about he can always manage to get the term "Pakis" in somewhere during the conversation....

What I would like to say to him is that if your child was seriously ill and only a "Paki" Dr was available I take it you wouldn't let the Dr treat the child because of your views. In this situation of course his racist views would take a back seat....so he wouldn't even be able to convince himself that his is a true racist. (I hope)....

His/ your friends stupid arguments obviously don't hold water.

Shocked 222 you as I (and most here) don't see colour we see people...that was the way I was bought up.I just cannot understand having a "built in" hatred of someone because of their colour, or sexuality for that matter....I have always believed that it's better to have the ability to love someone than to hate....really... gender/race does not come into it.

I was once asked how I would describe the person I have been talking about (by someone who knows him) I answered "He's a Racist Homophobic Bigot".
The answer I got was "Yep thats him...what a nice epitaph to go through life with".

The sad thing is of course he has children of his own now...as the third party said to me " I wonder when the indoctrination will begin?"

It's a sad state of affairs that people like your friend and the person I know don't realise how upsetting it is to hear their diatribes and it's sad also to think that they are so blinkered in life that they can't see that other people don't talk/think as they do.

So as with your friend and this person I know I don't think we will ever change their warped views...what would be good though would be to put them in front of Jeremy Paxman for an hour, as he has the skills to really bring ignorance in people quickly to the surface.

Certainly don't doubt your "new" views on your "friendship"

meritaten

Blue_Elephant wrote: »

It was me that used the word coconut originally, I just meant that by circumstance I have very few asian friends and that I sometimes identify better with the western culture than I do my "own", that's all. I have no idea what a lychee is supposed to be though.

then you should know that 'coconut' is a derogative term used by black people. for people who they think are black on the outside and white inside - its NOT a term of endearment!

shocked222

Do you know what I think really upset me - it wasn't that she declared that she "hated" black people (she didn't and doesn't in her own little way, they are "alright", she "wouldn't hurt one for the world", wouldn't say the n word or firebomb a house or anything), in her own crazy world she isn't a racist she just "knows" that the truth is white people are more evolved and blacks are closer to animals, it's just the way things are, white people are superior (obviously her view not mine). So in her mind, she isn't racist and what she said wasn't hurtful, just fact. She wouldn't harm a black person, she just thinks she is better than them...

Its so twisted...

Blue_Elephant

meritaten wrote: »

then you should know that 'coconut' is a derogative term used by black people. for people who they think are black on the outside and white inside - its NOT a term of endearment!

I do know that. It's used by Asian people for the same effect, and the first time I heard it it was being used as an insult towards me by a bunch of other Asian people.

Why then, do I use it?

For the same reason that gay people use the term "Queer", black people use the N word or some women use the word "Feminist".

In my context it enpowers the user, by publicly stating there is nothing wrong with living the way I choose, or with being born the way I am.

And Meritaten, in future please could you ask why someone does something instead of just telling them off? I'm not five, and I don't always have to agree with you. That doesn't make me wrong. It just makes us different.

RuthnJasper

Blue_Elephant wrote: »

It was me that used the word coconut originally, I just meant that by circumstance I have very few asian friends and that I sometimes identify better with the western culture than I do my "own", that's all. I have no idea what a lychee is supposed to be though.

Hehe - a lychee is a Chinese fruit (quite tasty, though a little unsettlingly like what you'd imagine a whole eyeball to look like - or that might just be me...:o). It's white and squishy and very juicy - about the size of a golf ball - with pink knobbly skin (which you don't eat). Not sure what the analogy means though - maybe that one is pretty to look at (the lychee) whereas the other is a bit rough and rugged (the coconut) but both are sweet and nourishing on the inside...? Getting a bit late for philosophy for me though! ;-)