Relocating overseas

Moominmamma

Just wondering if any of you lovely OSers have any experience of moving abroad? Or even if you don't have any personal experience whether you would be tempted to go given the opportunity? Any pros, cons or even random musings that might give me pause for thought would be very much appreciated!!

Just as a bit of background, dh's company want him to go and work in South Korea for 3 years, I'm a SAHM and we have two kids who are 5 and 8. I feel pretty excited about it, and career-wise it would be fantastic for dh, but it's obviously a long way from home and our extended family and culturally very different... Another pitfall is that my mum will go beserk, it's all looking increasingly likely to be going ahead and I've been too much of a wuss to even mention it to her yet!

Opinions please

Gigglepig

Will the company offer you a short trip out to take a look, before you move? This may be invaluable.

How long is it for? If you keep living abroad / in different countries permanently, the main downside is that you will not have the same strong network around you as someone who has lived in the same country all their life. If you are abroad for a couple of years it should be possible to keep in touch with friends in the UK so you still have a social network to come back to.

Will they relocate you back at the end of the contract, so there is no risk of "getting stuck" ?

Moving abroad can be harder for the spouse/children. It may be easier for you to adjust since you are already a SAHM, than if you had to give up a career to go there.

Do you know if there are many other families in the same situation in the town/area you would be moving to? Some people find an expat network reassuring, while others prefer to hang out with locals only.

Your OH may have different working hours/holidays/annual leave than before - this is worth checking quite carefully. Not all countries have generous leave. Same with commuting. It may be worth living as close to his office as possible to reduce commuting time.

Are you families both in good health? It can be very hard to be abroad if family at home gets ill or needs you. ( But, apart from that, I don't think it is that important what their opinion is. If this is a good opportunity for you and your family they ought to be excited for you! )

Will the company fund a British school for your kids? If not it may be harder for them to adjust when you return, however it sounds like a great opportunity for the kids to learn a new language and see a bit of the world.

If this is a fantastic career opportunity for you OH, and you are excited about it - then it sounds great!

lostinrates

My parents worked abeoad, following my father's job.

I would grab the opportunity with both hands if i were you. To give your children the chance to understand an other culture, be in a position to truely grasp a new language and learn that they can do the same.....its hard in someways of course, but its incredibly wonderful in others.

I actually came back to school here when i was your eldests age, so was less immersed than i had been, and whille that was ok too, i would probably choose to keep a child with me.

If we did not have a small menagerie we would be overseas now, having been offered three very tempting locations in recent years. But we di not have children. I have to say most emphatically having children would not stop us.

balletshoes

as long as you have some kind of safety net so that if you're really unhappy/it really doesn't suit you once you move abroad you have something to come back to, then I'd jump at the chance. Your children are the perfect age to soak in a new culture too.

Moominmamma

Thanks so much for your replies guys

Gigglepig, yes, they want to fly us out there ASAP for four or five days to go and get a general feel for the place (Seoul, so a pretty large expat community from what I can gather online) and have a look at accommodation, schools etc. The school they have suggested for the kids, which they'll fund, is an International School which follows the British, rather than the American curriculum, so that sounds great.

It seems they want DH to go so that he can broaden his experience with a view to being offered a more senior position when we come home so I don't think we're going to be spending years gallivanting all over the world - hopefully our friends won't forget us, at least not the good ones They will also pay for us all to fly back twice a year.

I really do think it would be an amazing experience for the kids, and for both of us but I do worry about leaving family behind. All of our parents are pretty much ok healthwise, but mine and dh's mums are both on there own. Also for my parents the kids are their only grandkids, so I feel guilty about taking them so far away as they do have a close relationship and see a lot of each other, I know there's Skype, Facetime and all that but I don't think it's quite gonna pass muster, certainly as far as my mum's concerned!!

I am also feeling your menagerie dilemma lostinrates, we have two cats and a crazy labradoodle! Am hoping I would be able to cajole a family member into "borrowing" the cats, but we would be taking the dog with us, and I think that in itself could be a potential nightmare, both logistically and culturally!!

Again, thanks to both of you for such positive comments

GobbledyGook

Something to check with your husband's company is will they fly you back at short notice. Some companies you need to plan and organise flights well in advance which is no good if something happens and you need to be back urgently.

I think it sounds like a fantastic opportunity for your family.

Pollycat

Some great advice/thoughts already, especially from Gigglepig.

Do you own your own house here?
What would you do with it whilst you're away?

It really does sound like a great opportunity for you all and the company sounds like they will look after you.

determined_new_ms

my oh & I plan to return to his native Brazil in the next few years. All of the above are thoughts we have had, although my children are at the age where they may come or they may not, they keep saying no so I keep waiting until I feel i am ready to leave them! But one thing we have agreed on is we will always have the money in the bank to fly back at short notice if necessary/or for the kids to come out should they need to and also enough for a deposit/rent in advance if we/one of us needed to come back to the Uk

peachyprice

You also need to bear in mind how close you are to your mum.

My parents moved to Australia about 5 years ago, I was really happy for them to be going, it was something my dad had wanted to do for years. But the reality of my mum being so far away was something else entirely. I found it really hard her being away and missed her so much, I cried myself to sleep on many a night (crazy for a grown woman I know, I really didn't anticipate that). She missed me and my children like mad and realised she'd made a huge mistake within days of arriving there. My DD, who was 5 at the time, took it extremely badly, she had regualr nightmares and really couldn't understand why, if Nanny loved her, she wanted to live so far away.

If you do go, you need to know that you can get back and that you have somewhere to get back to.

plumpmouse

Hi

We moved overseas for the first time just over a year ago. We are still in Europe at the minute so a bit closer to "home".

My son was 8 when we moved and my daughter 1. The move has had very little impact on dd as she knows no different.

My son, however, has changed completely. It has been the best things we could have done for him. His outlook on life and friends has altered. He was always a massive worrier but the move has boosted his confidence and taught him so much.

We plan to live a somewhat nomadic lifestyle from now on. We certainly will move from where we are possibly over to Asia in the next couple of years. My son is excited by this prospect.

One thing that makes it incredibly easy for the children is that their peers in International school are used to children moving on and new friends coming. This makes it easier to make friends that possible move in the UK does from our experience.

The hardest bits of our move are missing family, friends and food. The other difficult bit is that for me, as it is a lifetime move, I'm struggling to imagine what I will do when my dd starts school as I won't really be able to pick up my career again overseas. This won't be a issue for you as the move is temp.

It can be lonely particularly if you are in a boring place but it is an experience and will teach you so much about each other and others.

I would not change our move at all and feel really excited about the future of living overseas. Good luck, hope everything works out well.

Moominmamma

Hmmm, flying back at short notice is something I hadn't really considered, I will have to have a look into that.

We do own our own house, and are planning on renting it out while we're away if we go, tbh I don't think we'll get enough rent to cover our fairly hefty mortgage, especially taking agent's fees etc into account, but we would be living rent free in Korea so any rent we did get from our place would go into a savings (or emergency flight!) fund.

Brazil sounds exciting determined

Peachy, I do see a lot of my family, and would miss them but not unbearably so. My dad, brother and MIL are all aware of the possibility of us going and have taken it pretty well as they can see what a great opportunity it is for us, but my mum practically disowned us when we moved from the SW to the Midlands so I really can't see her reacting well to this!! Are your parents still in Oz? Or did they come back?

Plumpmouse, it's fab to hear what a positive experience your move has been, particularly for your son. My two are pretty much on board - it's amazing what a cash incentive (again from dh's company) and the lure of super cheap Littlest Petshop toys will do! They're both fairly gregarious so I think they'll be fine, although I'm slightly concerned about food, neither of them are very adventurous, but I guess that's set to change.