how long is reasonable?

System

I have to say I totally agree with this. I got divorced at my earliest opportunity out of respect for my new partner.

Same here.

I wasnt particularly bothered about getting divorced before i met my husband. I dont think my ex was either but my boyfriend didnt like the fact i was living with him but married to another man. I could see his point, if the boot had been on the other foot i wouldnt have liked it either so i divorced him.

FatVonD

I was married to my ex husband for about 5 years after we split up, not because there was any attachment but so he could apply for a British passport (before anybody jumps on me he's worked and paid tax and NI from the day he arrived in the UK, far more than many who were born here.) Once he'd done that it dragged on for about another year until I met my now husband and wanted to get remarried. Even then it would have probably dragged on a bit longer had I not recently moved next door to a solicitor that specialised in family law who did it all for me.

abitofhelp

I met my now partner (we will get married in the next couple of years) the following year after my husband (now ex) had an affair and moved out. This all happened in a matter of months. When my partner asked me out i remember thinking for a split second to say no as i was still married.Nine years later we are still together. I would like to add the divorce process was underway before i got togther with may partner. It didnt stop us moving in together & were were living together for about a year before my divorce was finalised.

Lotus-eater

You only get one life, if I split up from my wife, no way would I wait till I was completely divorced to go out with women, that seems silly and if a relationship came from that, then it does.

Why should I put my life on hold just because my wife is dragging her heels over a divorce. Seems a bit daft.

CuddlyMack

My marriage had effectively been over for a long time before it officially ended, due to a lot of reasons. A completely unreasonable ex-wife who couldn't be arsed to get off her !!!! to work a full day, wanted just about every penny I earned, and very rarely did any housework.

When things came to a head, I was so glad and felt like a huge weight had been lifted. Suddenly I was free to go out socialising again - something that the ex point blank refused to do. I caught up with some old buddies, had a few great nights out and generally found myself again.

I joined a dating site about a month after I knew the marriage was definitely over and there was no going back. Went on a couple of dates but nothing really came of them. Was on a works night out and got chatting to a lass in a bar and we agreed to go out again sometime. Went on a date and really hit it off with her. Made it clear from the start exactly what my situation was, and she wasn't bothered one bit.

We've bought a house together with some help from a little windfall I received (walked away from the marriage with next to nothing) and we're busy doing it up ready to move in together. I've never looked back, I'm really happy and feel as if this is the person I was always meant to be with as we have so much in common (except football teams!).

Meanwhile my ex-wife continues to spout vitriol and lies about me on various websites, and comes across as a very bitter and sore loser. My new partner and I often read these spoutings and have a good laugh together while we're snuggled up on the sofa.

In answer to the original question then, I guess there is no black and white answer. Everyone is different, and if it feels right, then go for it and never look back.

Good luck!

Fosterdog

When I met OH he was still married but separated, they were in the process of divorcing and his ex was already living with the bloke she had an affair with.

Their divorce took a little over a year to finalise, but mostly because she was trying to get more and more of his money and accused him of all sorts that he denied so it took time to get it right.

I couldn't be with someone if they had only recently separated but with OH it had been quite a while and the divorce was already underway when I met him so to me he was free and single enough to enter into a new relationship. I may have felt differently if the reason for the split had been OH cheating or something else he had done but the fact she cheated on him made it seem ok.

tori.k

Could be from her point of view That as long as they are married she is still his next of kin so would benefit from his estate if anything happened and vice versa

pixelation

I would be asking a lot of questions if he hasn't made a will in my favour.
Divorce can take forever for a variety of reasons, but total commitment for you to be next-of -kin and to be looked after if something goes wrong is vital.

sharrison778

I'm not too worried about his will at the moment. He and his wife own a house together and in my view, should something happen to him, his share of the house should go to her so there is a stable home for their kids. I've got no interest in claiming that.

Other assets would be tricky though. Given how long we have been together, we are recognised as de facto and thats treated the same as marriage here. I have no idea how it works when there are effectively 2 competing relationships.

As for hospital access etc, we have both signed documents which effectively give the other power to manage medical and legal affairs. There were free legal pro formas which we used.

I knew he was still married when we got together. At the time, there was a timeline for divorce which would have meant it was completed by December last year. Now its almost 6 months later and I'm frustrated that its not even close to being finalised.

And yes, I've spoken to my boyfriend about this many many times. I dont know how else I can convey to him how important it is to me.

I dont like the idea of ultimatums but I'm at the point of wondering how much longer I give him.

catch_me_if_you_can

I can empathise with you, OP. I'm in the same situation, waiting for him to get his divorce sorted. It's bloody difficult, I hate him being legally attached to someone else but he is incredibly lazy.
He finally told his ex last month that their house must be sold but then has done !!!!!! all to sell it. She can't afford to buy him out, either. The garden needs tidying up before it can go on the market and of course we've had almost non-stop rain since he told her that, so that is delaying things further :mad:

I keep having the thought that he just really doesn't want to get divorced at all which is very hurtful. I can't see that it would help to give an ultimatum "get divorced by this date or we're finished" as in my mind he should want to do it without being forced to... But am very close to it.

my house is in my name only so I'm not worried about that - its the emotional hurt that is going to kill the relationship I think.:(