School Party invite - how do I deal with this?

mom23

rev229 wrote: »

I have come to the conclusion that some people are just very odd. My little girl has never been invited to a birthday party or to someone elses house to play because even though she is apparently well liked and accepted by her peers (she is autistic), The parents obviously feel she is too different to be included, anyway it saves me money not having to buy presents every other week. It is very sad when your child is excluded for what ever reason.:(

OMG that is so sad
My son who is 7 has a very close friend at school who has a medical condition (can't rem what it is called) but he needs constant one to one at school,although my son has been to his to play i have never had the little boy back to mine as i don't feel competent (sp) enough to deal with him if he fits or whatever and his mother understands this.
However he has always been invited to any partys.
But surely at a young age 9/10 times the mother stays with the child anyway so what is the prob
I know you prob don't want sympathy but BIG HUGS anyway

loopylass

rev229 wrote: »

I have come to the conclusion that some people are just very odd. My little girl has never been invited to a birthday party or to someone elses house to play because even though she is apparently well liked and accepted by her peers (she is autistic), The parents obviously feel she is too different to be included, anyway it saves me money not having to buy presents every other week. It is very sad when your child is excluded for what ever reason.:(

This reminded me of when my daughter was at primary there was a dear little boy(he is autistic) he didnt have many friends because children and parents thought he was a naughty child etc etc
My daughter was like a mum to him really looked after him and invitred him to her party he was so pleased as that was the first party he had been invited to
The mum said "do you want me to stay" i said no go and have a break he will be fine and i will always remember what a polite well mannered little boy is was his mum was so pleased and he was talking about it for weeks afterwards

Another time was at christmas children post cards in the post box at school and he only received a couple one which was from my daughter and he used to come out of school upset and this upset me so when i got home i wrote about 20 different cards handwriting etc from children in the school to him and the look on his face after school was a picture one that i will never forget(i told his mum what i did) and she thanked me as just for one day he felt like all the other children
Why do children and some parents behave this way to an autistic child when they may be different at times but they still have feelings

oramgepekoe

Last year my son came home with an invite to a boy's party who had invited the whole class. However the date of the party was my son's birthday. It wasn't the boy's actual birthday, his was a couple of days later. My son and the boy aren't friends and so my son was only invited cos the boy had invited the whole class.

They chosen quite a good activity for the party which my son would have liked to do, but he said he couldn't possibly go and sing happy birthday when it wasn't that boy's actual birthday but his own. It also scuppered plans for a birthday tea with his best friends that we'd planned for that day. We agreed it would be difficult for him to go so took him out to a favourite chinese restaurant instead. Yes the playground was full of talk about the party actvity the day before and after, but someone else chose a party at the same venue a few weeks later and he was able to go to that.

rio

Well just to update everyone, we had a chat with our LO about why he was not going to the party, and he said that he didn't want to buy the boy concerned a present, but instead he wanted to draw him a picture instead. He spent about half an hour yesterday drawing a dinosaur which we gave to the little boy and his mum this morning. Mum was suitably embarrassed, and said that the mix up had occured because she had worked out all the children she was going to invite and then realised she had left the birthday boy off her list, by which time all the invites had gone out. She has now said that little one can go if she has any children that can't go at the last minute, but I told her that we already had something planned so we wouldn't be able to attend anyway. I am going to take LO and a couple of friends that don't attend the same school to a local garden centre that has a soft play area and a pet shop. Once they have seen all that and had a slice of cake and a drink I would think LO won't care about the party.

ruthyjo

Congratulations on handling the situation so well.

You have my sympathy as I think anything like this with little kids' parties is so heartbreaking, probably feels ten times worse to us parents than it ever impacts on the kids.

I hope your little one has a great time on his alternative trip and I think you are a great mum who has set him a really good example of how to behave with dignity and rise above things.

I hope the other mum will continue to be suitably embarrassed by the whole thing, especially when you invite her child to your LO's b'day party.

Nenen

Thanks very much for updating us... it's always good to know how situations progress or end... I'm often amazed at how involved I get in wondering what has happened to someone whom I've read posts from but never even met! It's especially nice to hear of such a satisfactory resolution. :T

I'd also like to second everything Ruthyjo has said... Rio, you've behaved with such dignity and kindness and I'm sure your son will have a lovely time at the garden centre and, even more importantly, grow up to be a great man. :A

PS ... without wishing to go too much off the thread... to the poster who suggested slipping party invites into children's trays in schools I'd like to make a couple of points:
1) I know some teachers do tell parents to do this and if you've been told to by your child's teacher then fair enough; however I would never like this to be done in my classroom for the following reasons: (a) I tell the children that their trays are their personal space and that they must not open another child's tray so would want adults to accord this respect too and (b) You still get the same problem when just one child in the whole class doesn't get invited. I've seen the look on a child's face when others all have an invite in their tray and said child is scrabbling frantically through their books, papers etc trying to find a non-existent invitation. I really do think that if you are not willing/able to invite the whole class to a birthday party then you shouldn't give the invites out in the classroom at all. They should be posted or given directly to the parents/carers of the children being invited. I know that the invited children will still talk about the forthcoming party etc but at least the uninvited one doesn't have the indignity of being the only one not holding the precious envelope! It also gives the child's parents the time and space to talk this through with their child privately rather than leave the child's teacher to do it in what is inevitably a rather public situation.

ceebeeby

Rio,

I agree 100% with what you've done! Your son has obviously learnt beautiful manners from you and has acted maturely in drawing a nice picture for the child (who after all doesn't appear to be the one at fault).

I don't think it helps to hold a grudge with another child / parent. After all, there will be many more parties in the future, and you never know, they might end up best friends.

Well done on handling the situation, and I hope you have a wonderful time at the garden centre. It sounds fun ...

bikerqueen

brilliantly handled. Although I now feel really scared for my 7 month old, what of this happens to her? god dont you wish you could protect them forever...

bambam_2

My child was in a class of 21 and the funfactory max for a party was 20. I sent out invitations to all expecting at least one refusal - guess what!!

Anyway the last thing I would have done is ask someone not to come. I went to the party venue on the day and explained the situation - offering to pay additional entry for my child and to buy another meal. I had explained to him that we might be short of a party bag and that I would make one up for him later. They didn't bat an eyelid and waived the extra charge although they did count him for the overall numbers in the building. They found him a meal a chair to sit on (although they had to squash up a bit) and a party bag.

sparkles.

Rio, I think you have behaved admirably! Your LO had learnt such a good lesson in dignity from this and I hope that the cake is extra yummy