School Party invite - how do I deal with this?

inkie

This is the problem that happens when people go in for OTT parties - if they have a cheap and cheerful jelly and ince cream party which all kids love, then there's always enough space for everyone.

Rachie_B

inkie wrote: »

This is the problem that happens when people go in for OTT parties - if they have a cheap and cheerful jelly and ince cream party which all kids love, then there's always enough space for everyone.

what in the home ?! :eek:

no childs party is cheap n cheerful these days TBH ,by the time you do food ,games,any extras such as party bags,decorations,any entertainment etc

aww rio your poor boy,i too have a 4 yr old and i can imagine he would be so upset

you just have to rise above it and dont take any offence,just tell your son the "truth" that theres not enough room :rolleyes:

then on the day in Q treat him so he doesnt feel too sad

Ellie2758

What a horrible thing to happen?

dlb

I agree it isnt very fair so close to the party to do this, but as said by other posters explain what has happened to your child and that it isnt his or the birthday childs fault, it would be awful if the children and yourselfs lost friend because of this.
I personally ( and i know alot of people will think im barmy) love to have my 4 kids partys at home, when they were younger i used to throw huge partys at home for 20 kids plus adults although i only want to this scale in the summer to allow the use of the garden, my fav was a batman party when we spent weeks making decorations for the house and garden ( which adds to the excitment for the kids) turned my kitchen into a batcave and the garden into Gothem city!!
It was because i didnt want to leave any kids out that i did this, and partys at home do not have to be expensive, kids of that age love pass the parcel,musical chairs, treasure hunts ect.
I hope your child takes the news well about the party.

Karrie

I'd be upset for my child too BUT I would tell him the truth, still go and buy a LITTLE present and card. Make sure you are with him when he gives the present to the other child (preferably in front of his mum) and just smile (even if through gritted teeth :mad: ). Try not to let it get to you. It's not worth it. As others have said, take your child and a friend to the park or the cinema and a meal afterwards. He'll be too busy to think about the party.

Parties are a nightmare especially when parents don't let you know if they are attending or not.

charchar_3

If it's at a play place like the kids kingdom we have near me, then just turn up!!! Pay for him to get in, they have parties on whilst everyone else is allowed in. I'm sure you'd get an invite to the sit down in the party room with them and have something to eat, but at least he can still go and play with his friends and wouldn't be missing out on anything!

the_other_mce

Personally I think that the situation is really sh**ty. How can she be so dozy to let this happen to a small child?:mad: I would try to take my child and his best friend ( even if the other one is invited to the party) to something even better. If that isn't possible I would have a HAPPY UNBIRTHDAY party and invite all the other kids - telling the miserable mother "I hope you understand....."
But then that's just me......

sarahlouise210

I think the situation is awful and is the mothers fault entirely for her bad planning. If it was me and they really could not accomodate 1 extra child - I would take my party elsewhere. I agree that you should do something nice with your child...but this will not take away the hurt he must feel. I would not blame the other child and I would still invite them to any party I had. What a really sad thing to happen - especially seeing as there is usually always one that does not turn up !!!

Nenen

Oh Rio I really feel for you and your son... what a horrible thing for this woman to do.

However, I have been extremely heartened by many of the replies you've had, especially sarahlouise's above :A ... like her I would rather cancel the booking and go elsewhere than do this to a child.

I'm a primary school teacher and I can't tell you the number of times I have felt broken hearted on behalf of a child in my class who has been excluded from a party. Of course if (as fsdss posted above) the birthday 'do' is a special treat for one or two 'best friends' or a small tea party for half a dozen children that's absolutely fine but I have often been incredulous at how unkind some parents have been when they have invited the vast majority of the class to a party and just excluded one or two children. How any adult can behave like this I really don't know.

Just this week, two boys in my class of 16 (who happen to share a birthday) had a joint party and had given invites around the class. Initially I'd assumed from the chatter I'd heard that everyone had been invited... and lets face it, with two families sharing the cost, 16 children is not OTT! However, when I was explaining homework to the children (they are Year 3 aged 7-8) some of them asked if they could have an extra day to hand it in because they were going straight to the party from school and wouldn't get home until late. I had just started to say that the whole class could all have an extra day when one little boy said very sadly (but trying oh so hard to put a brave face on it) 'I can do the homework because I haven't been invited'. I really wanted to cry for him. He is a lovely boy and i just can't understand how any adult could allow their child to be so cruel and unkind.

Similarly, a few years ago, when I was teaching a foundation class, (ages 4-5) a mother brought in party invites and asked me to hand them out for her son 'Ben' at hometime. As she had previously asked me for a list of all the children's names and gave me a big bunch of cards I assumed that the whole class had been invited and gave them out as requested, only to find that one little girl 'Lucy' (who had only started at the school a few weeks previously) was without an invite. I was so sure it couldn't be deliberate I thought I must have given Ben's mother an old class list and told Lucy that I'd give her hers the next day. I went to see Ben's mother to explain my mistake only to have her tell me there was no mistake... Ben didn't want Lucy at his party because he didn't like her (she was actually a lovely little girl). Ben's mother told me this without any embarrassment or empathy with Lucy that she was to be the only child in the whole class to be excluded in this way. She did say that she had tried to persuade Ben to invite her but he was stubbornly saying 'no' so there was nothing she could do.:mad: If that had been one of my children, I would firstly have tried to get them to imagine what they would feel like if they were the only one not invited and, if they still refused, (which I'm sure they wouldn't have) I'd have told them that if they were going to be so unkind then there would be no party at all!

Since that time I have told parents at the beginning of the school year that I only allow party invites to be handed round in the school classroom if the whole class is being invited; if this isn't possible for any reason (trying but failing miserably not to sound too judgemental here) then they must either post them or give them directly to the other parents in the playground. That way they can have the embarrassment of dealing with the people they are excluding and not leave me to face extremely upset and hurt children who certainly don't deserve to be treated that way!:mad:

Sorry if this post is a little off the original post and I doubt it's much consolation but i just wanted you to know that your little boy is not the only one to be treated like this but I bet he (and you) are a lot nicer than this woman and her son! I really wish you all the best... in your situation I'd certainly take him out somewhere lovely with one or two other friends.

crutches

what a lovely teacher you must be nenen.
my daughter is now15 and still remembers parties for the "whole class" from which she was excluded.
I spoke to a few sympathetic friends who were horrified and sent their children to mine for tea/dvd/picnic/halloween etc on the party day !