Return to Solvency

*Robin*

Glad you're feeling a bit better now Granny. You're right, this is a much better place to get rid of your grump than RL.

Have an amazing day with your DGC tomorrow - they are the best medicine!

I love your triplets 'photo, too.

satchmo1

Long=time couple: Her: "why don't you tell me you love me". Him "I told you once. If anything changed, I'd let you know"

*Robin*

satchmo1 wrote: »

Long=time couple: Her: "why don't you tell me you love me". Him "I told you once. If anything changed, I'd let you know"

..I can relate to this, it's an Aspie 'joke' [maybe 'typical situation' would be a better description?].

Must say I have wondered more than once whether Granny's DH has Aspergers, just as my dear PC had? It wasn't usually diagnosed when we were all young; some kids were just "b!oody awkward!" but expected to get on as best they could.

missrlr

Hello Granny. I cannot tell you the difference in DH mood now he is working days only. He worked nights since before I knew him and in recent months ok at least year it has been more and more difficult especially with extra shifts and so on.

Difficult but it's cumulative and not simple to see when you are involved in it.

Hope it gets better. Just for once and S0d the debt busting give yourself a little budget and go treat yourself, something decadent and just for you how about that hair cut and colour you ummed about recently? not only do you deserve it, but quite probably you BOTH deserve it! It won't be a disaster

Chin up x

grannyx2

The more I think about it Robin, the more I think you are right. He finds it difficult to converse with people and often only speaks to those he likes. He is clumsy. He is obsessed with routine and hates being out of his comfort zone. Its funny, just researching the symptoms gives me comfort as I realise it is him and not me, if that makes sense. It means that I'll make more of an effort to understand and probably rant on here to get it out of my system, instead of trying to get him to react properly.

Missrlr, OH has been working days only for a number of years as he was seconded to a particular task. Last week due to a pay restructuring he had to go back to shifts, to maintain his income, so that he can then be seconded back without complaints from others who have lost some of their income. So although his moody behaviour of last week was partly due to night shifts, it does not totally excuse it all. As I've said above Robin's thoughts are more likely to be the reason.

When I saw your post last night it made me sad as I don't have any money left this month to treat myself to the smallest of treats. I have had to transfer my flight savings back to my bank account to cover things this month. Don't really know why its gone so wrong, except I bought things for our anniversary and had unexpected car expense. Hopefully next month I'll be able to transfer some back. So imagine my joy when a £111 cashback became payable into my bank account yesterday. I was over the moon and have arranged for the payment asap. Once it reaches my account, I'm going to take you up on your suggestion and buy something frivolous just for me.

Today has been a nsd, not hard when you don't have any money really is it. But I'm quite happy so no need to be concerned.

Monday with DGDs was delightful as always, made extra special when despite being unwell and not having left her DM for 4 days, not even to go to other Nana, DGD2 decided she wanted to come out with Granny. It made my day to be honest. OH was able to come out with us as he was off, having worked the night before and commented on what a pleasant child she is despite being poorly.

Work has been a tad hectic this week and its only day 2.

Anyway, I'm running round the diaries as OH is afternoons today. Hope you are all well.

Speak soon.

Granny x

grannyx2

x

please-let-me-be-lucky

It's a fair cop guv, you got me with your 10 fun facts

Glad you may have come up with some reasoning for Grandad's behaviour which makes it all acceptable (Good Ole Robin :T).

I hope you enjoy your frivolous treat when you get it! Xx

debtfreewannabe321

haha no tricking me with those fun facts! (Although i've fallen for it twice before on f@cebook maybe that's why lol) xx

satchmo1

DH now wonders why I'm sitting on the loo (tmi, sorry) chuckling away, having tried No.3

*Robin*

grannyx2 wrote: »

The more I think about it Robin, the more I think you are right. He finds it difficult to converse with people tick and often only speaks to those he likes. tick He is clumsy. tick He is obsessed with routine tick and hates being out of his comfort zone. tick Its funny, just researching the symptoms gives me comfort as I realise it is him and not me, if that makes sense. It means that I'll make more of an effort to understand and probably rant on here to get it out of my system, instead of trying to get him to react properly.

Granny, I think you may just have found a very important key to improving your relationship..
There are many positives in living with an Aspie (which I learned to treasure): Never having to worry about infidelity, or any kind of duplicity - those are worth a lot! Great with children (not tickle-fights but any 'active brain' activity ). Incredible work-ethic. Good with finances. Always willing to 'have a go' (even if skill-level isn't actually up to the task ). The ability to be quiet rather than filling every gap with chatter (PC really appreciated me doing this too; being happy spending time together without constant conversation ).

Life certainly got better between us when I realised the blunt speech is not intended critically. PC said he had felt he was somehow "twisted" [his word] for over forty years - until we worked out what was going on; our relationship strengthened as we learned together about modern ideas on the differences in the way that Aspies and Neuro-Typical people think.

PC definitely found family life easier for having his own space to retreat to at times. Aspies need periods of solitude to recover from the stress of dealing with an NT world (especially the emotional bits**).. We arranged our lives to suit that, long before working out what was going on inside PC's brain; a happy chance - but it cost. Our choice to live relatively frugally in order to afford a second [humble] home.

**Suspect much of your stress may be caused by DH 'retreating' from you, Granny, because he can't cope with your emotional appeals to him, after he upsets you. (An NT man might be expected to respond by being apologetic, but an Aspie will simply fail to understand and recoil in horror!).
Absorbing himself in the telly might be the closest DH can get to excluding "the emotional nightmare" [PC's words again] - as he doesn't have PC's option of going to his own place for a while.

From what you have written Granny, it seems that instinctively you've done the right thing by leaving him alone when there is discord between you, coming onto the computer which I assume is in your bedroom?

Here's a site where I found lots of information; food for thought:

http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

The quiz is interesting. When I was looking into AS, I did the quiz then got everyone at home to do it - which gave PC the opportunity to speak openly; was this his "twisted"? From then on we researched together, concluding "yes" - but PC didn't take it to his GP, reasoning that he'd survived this long without medical intervention, and simply understanding why he was different would be enough to improve his coping strategies. And mine. Which it was.

God I still miss him so much!
Granny, although it sounds odd, I rather hope that you and DH do also conclude that he is somewhere on the spectrum, as that gives you a bridge to understanding which could transform your relationship, and your future together..

Deep stuff; hope you're not offended Granny - was not intending to lecture!


Great to hear you enjoyed such a wonderful day with your DGC - you are lucky you can see them so often; the love of a child is the very best tonic to all of life's woes.