Daughters pregnant !

kymrob

the pink panther thank u
must add my husband has been amazing best dad and hubby i suppose we wanted to prove them all wrong and we did!

i do have a saying when it come to my parents may b harsh but...
if u cant b there for the hard times dont EXPECT to b there for the good times!

KxMx

I don't get why parents have such an attitude when a pregnancy is announced by a young woman. Surely a baby is a blessing, and they should count themselves lucky they will be grandparents, babies and grandchildren may be expected as part of life but they are by no means a guarantee. I never expected at 25 to have to make the painful choice not to have kids due to health problems, but there you go that is what has happened. My Mum would choose me pregnant at 19 any day I am sure over the sorry state I am in.

A few of my peers have babies and their lives are certainly not over. One still works and both have regular nights out etc and a life beyond the baby (and one has gone baby though mad lol and doesn't associate with me because I am childless- but a mutual friend with a 1 week old is deemed worthy lol).

A woman's life isn't over just because she is pregnant.

In fact, society these days bangs on so much about "geriatric mothers!!!!!! (30's)" that I genuinely feel we are regressing back to the days whereby a (working class) girl left school at 14, got a job for a few years and then left when married and produced a good few babies by age 20. Except today it's finishing uni, working for a bit then having kids- that seems to be the expectation is some sectionsof society.

It's not however the case any more that a woman's life is relegated to childcare and housework once kids come along.

I find it odd parent's apply arbitary ages to DD's when they will be happy about a pregnancy, or angry/upset/dissapointed before that age. I've read a parent on here who (although accepting it won't happen) doesn't want her DD having sex before 30. Why not 29? Why not 31?.

Person_one

HeatherintheHills wrote: »

A friend once told me something her Father had said to her.

"when you were studying, single and building your career I dreaded you sitting us down and telling us you had an unplanned pregnancy. Time passed and I began to dread that you would never sit us down and tell us you were pregnant, whatever the circumstances. Now I take great joy and pride from the fact that, whatever happens in your life, I never, ever doubted that you would sit us down and tell us."

Jeez, what if she just never wanted kids?

Grandchildren aren't a god-given right.

Stephb1986_2

It's not the end of the world, it could be worse she could of told you she had cancer or some other horrible disease, this is a baby something you should enjoy and cherish.

Yes she might be young but you never know this might change her lazy habits for the better. Instead of acting like it's the end of the world support her and be there for her because if you don't I fear that you might lose her forever.

Good luck

Steph x

duchy

I think it is because knowing how tough it is to start a family young and before you are established financially (and indeed established within a relationship) most parents have a preference that their own kids don't have it as tough as that.

It has nothing to do with giving up work (most mothers nowdays don't for long if at all) although the possibility of having the choice to work or be a SAHM is greater if the baby is born into a stable family with savings behind them and parents with better qualifications and stable employment.

Not sure what on earth society you are mixing in that older mothers are considered undesirable -with more kids staying on into further education and the cost of housing more people are delaying their families anyway and the average age of first time mothers has actually risen.

KxMx wrote: »

I don't get why parents have such an attitude when a pregnancy is announced by a young woman. Surely a baby is a blessing, and they should count themselves lucky they will be grandparents, babies and grandchildren may be expected as part of life but they are by no means a guarantee. I never expected at 25 to have to make the painful choice not to have kids due to health problems, but there you go that is what has happened. My Mum would choose me pregnant at 19 any day I am sure over the sorry state I am in.

A few of my peers have babies and their lives are certainly not over. One still works and both have regular nights out etc and a life beyond the baby (and one has gone baby though mad lol and doesn't associate with me because I am childless- but a mutual friend with a 1 week old is deemed worthy lol).

A woman's life isn't over just because she is pregnant.

In fact, society these days bangs on so much about "geriatric mothers!!!!!! (30's)" that I genuinely feel we are regressing back to the days whereby a (working class) girl left school at 14, got a job for a few years and then left when married and produced a good few babies by age 20. Except today it's finishing uni, working for a bit then having kids- that seems to be the expectation is some sectionsof society.

It's not however the case any more that a woman's life is relegated to childcare and housework once kids come along.

I find it odd parent's apply arbitary ages to DD's when they will be happy about a pregnancy, or angry/upset/dissapointed before that age. I've read a parent on here who (although accepting it won't happen) doesn't want her DD having sex before 30. Why not 29? Why not 31?.

Tina20

I was pregnant at 19, and had baby at 20.

Why are you going ballistic? A baby is a wonderful thing, she is an adult in a long term relationship...
It drives me mad when people say a baby means your life is over and will be sooooooo hard.

It's difficult, sure but she's not 14! She's an adult, her decisions are none of your business

Welshwoofs

There is no point being upset with your daughter because the deed is done and her decision is made. Whether that turns out to be a good or bad decision is for her to find out.

Your part in this is simply to be supportive (and that doesn't mean being her financial safety net I'll add), and let her find her way.

KxMx

duchy wrote: »

Not sure what on earth society you are mixing in that older mothers are considered undesirable -with more kids staying on into further education and the cost of housing more people are delaying their families anyway and the average age of first time mothers has actually risen.

This really is a subject for another thread but briefly:
You've only got to google the term "advanced maternal age" to see women being labelled as geriatric mothers at 35 or even 30 which is ridiculous. It used to be a term for those 40+ but the age keeps creeping down. Labelling a 35 year old as a "geriatric mother" clearly shows the ideal age is way before 35, ie in your 20's. Whereas in the past being deemed geriatric in your 40's would rollback to 30's as being ideal.

Hence my own personal view (which I made clear) that society is shifting backwards in terms of the age at which it views women should have kids.

I have nothing against older mothers and think it perfectly fine, but the medical profession in particular would disagree and I feel their influence is spreading into wider society, and that the considered "advanced maternal age" keeps creeping down to a younger and younger number.

HeatherintheHills

Person_one wrote: »

Jeez, what if she just never wanted kids?

Grandchildren aren't a god-given right.

That was the point, her parents realised that. I think that conversation took place when she was in her late 40s. The way she told it was that she had asked her Dad if he was disappointed not to have grandchildren, apparently her parents had never made an issue of it. He told her that he regretted quietly sweating the whole pregnancy thing when she was younger, because he realised that never having doubted that his daughter loved and trusted her parents enough to talk to them about things was the biggest blessing possible.

debtfreewannabe321

I sat my parents down at 18, told them i was pregnant. Had him at 19....he is nearly 14 now and I am finally married to his father, we've had our ups and downs because we were so young...but i had the support of my mum. She helped with childcare so i could go back out to work, I had to also go homeless but whilst i was in council accomodation i saved my money and bought my first house off my own back before my son turned 3. I went back to study and had a degree by 30. I think having a baby was one of the best things i ever did. It made me grow up, i was very immature beforehand, never helped around the house didn't know how to cook or use a washing machine etc. I dread to think how i would have turned out if i wasn't forced to grow up.

Like you say your daughter is usually level headed, she will find her way and a baby is a blessing, no matter when they turn up. Enjoy it