Daughters pregnant !

jetplane

I understand exactly where you're coming from and a few years ago I would have felt exactly the same.

Let me tell you this - three years ago my 19 year old daughter sat me down to tell me 'something'. My heart sank and in just a few seconds in my head I decided that she was pregnant, wasn't going to be able to finish her study, had nowhere else to live, had a useless boyfriend, had ruined her life and would have to have a termination.

Instead she told me that she had been to see her GP because her periods had stopped and they had been doing tests and had told her that she was infertile. I can't tell you how devasting that felt for both of us, I am sobbing remembering it. My whole priorities changed I no longer cared about study, where she lived or even who fathered her a baby :eek:.

We visited a consultant who discussed the various types of fertility treatments that may be available in the future and said never say never. This affected her quite badly and she didn't finish her study anyway and said she would return to study later.

Well a couple of months ago she found out that she is pregnant, no treatment, and the scan shows everything is so far so good. Her personal circumstances haven't changed that much, different boyfriend thankfully but I want to shout it from the rooftops I am going to be a GRANDMA. :T

Our children don't always go to plan but they need our love and support. His mother went ballistic and your daughter is worried that you will do the same, hence the text. Don't compare her with your married daughter and her pregnancy or his brother with social services involvement. Just imagine two new babies at christmas, double babysitting bedlam :rotfl:

Racheldevon

Hi,

Just to add that your daughter will be able to seek additional advice /guidance /support etc from your local Sure Start Children's Centre. These provide free support and services/activities for families with children from the antenatal period until the child's fifth birthday. They will be able to advise on benefits/finance/budgeting/housing and a whole range of other things. Have a look on google to find the details of your nearest one (every community has access to their services even if the actual building isn't in your village/town etc)

flora48

I know exactly how you feel. Only difference I am the father's mother. Rewind 20 years, we came home to find my son huddled on the doorstep with the same news. Year one at uni, both students. I felt cross & angry as they had no visible means of support either, then reality kicked in. There are worse things than babies!. My grandson was born, they rented privately, I topped up the Housing Benefit so they could live somewhere decent and helped in all ways as did her mother. Result, one lovely, strapping lad, now 19 years old and two parents who went on to finish uni. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

POPPYOSCAR

Just be there to support her, whatever her decision.

ammonite

Your daughter sounds like my cousin, she was pregnant at 16 and the children have been the making of her. She probably wouldn't have gone to uni (but now has a degree), she probably wouldn't have had a job (but worked full time) and she probably wouldn't have owned her own house (but does!), she says herself she wouldn't know where she would be now without her children.

As a poster a few posts up from me said, she was prepared for "the worst" as she thought her daughter was going to say she was pregnant, except that wasn't the worst news...

I think its tough for all the family and shock/anger/upset/frustration are all natural but my Mum always said to me that having a baby is a happy thing and she'd be much more devastated if I had a serious illness. Not to undermine how you feel but there are worse things to happen.

Wish you all the best of luck. Agree with the other posters, give her a hug and try to support her the best you can. She must be absolutely petrified.

cutestkids

It is not the end of the world and the decision is for your daughter and her boyfriend to make.

They are adults in what appears to be a long term relationship you said that they have been together for over two years.

I am sure they will decide what is best for them and their baby.

You really need to take a step back and be there to offer practical support but not judgement.

MandM90

Just want to echo that it's not the end of the world and - as your wife said - there is nothing you can do to control the situation so just make sure you are there to support your daughter and grandchild to be.

I managed to get myself knocked up at 17 and completely messed up my A levels. I actually didn't want to keep the baby but my Catholic mother persuaded me to; obviously, now, I wouldn't wish my life any other way.

Long and the short of it is I picked myself up, went to a college, got four As and am now studying MChem at a top 5 university whilst running a home and looking after DD. Through part time work and extremely careful money management we've managed to send her to private school, too. Life isn't easy, but we're actually very happy and DD doesn't want for anything.

Getting pregnant young is often less than ideal but I think you'll find your DD does a lot of growing up within the next couple of years.

the_pink_panther_2

It's your daughter's decision and given she has made her mind up already, openly objecting to the pregnancy could have a negative impact on your relationship with your daughter. As others have said, the best you can do is support her in her decision. When the baby is born and you see him/her I can't imagine you'll at that point regret her decision. You might however regret the way you had felt about the child during her pregnancy. Opposing your daughter's decision will achieve nothing. Supporting her may well help her make the most of her life, taking the path she has chosen. You are still in a position to help her realise her potential and help her have a happy fulfilling life, should you wish to help her and talk though practicalities; it doesn't have to be doom and gloom. She is young and I'm sure would really appreciate your support.

kymrob

can i just add to my earlier post
i keep my pregnancy a secret for 8 months as i had parents who would of marched me to docs for abortion. lucky she has told u im sure she feels like she has let u both down and feels so scared, but at least she felt that she could turn to u so she knows that u will b there for here, once this shock has pasted.

a couple years after having my daughter i was told that it would b unlikely that i could have another baby which has been true, so thank god for my gift!

u never know what the future hold so please grab it with both hands this baby will bring alot of joy to all your lives.

to this day my relationship is strained with my parents it is still raw, but i turned this in to a positive and became best mum i could b and when im lucky enough to have grandchild well i get welled up just thinking about how amazing that will b !

queena987

I think you be there to support her,she is so young to face this