DSD hit by a car!

daska

I don't know the granny. But I do know what time bus DSD caught and what time she was due in school and that she wasn't late - because she was speaking with a teacher before the bell went. And I know that DSD has a friend who's family live very close to the school - but I don't know which friend or where and DSD isn't volunteering information to anyone. (and I'm not nagging!)

On a totally practical level I can't report someone when I don't know who they are. And I'm not the kind of person to dob someone in without at least attempting to establish what actually happened. For the moment I only have the comments on FB to go on, but DSD is often careless about things when she thinks they've blown over - and as the subject isn't being mentioned that will probably not be too long.

I talked it over with DSD's granny and dad this afternoon and they're very much of the opinion that if the injury doesn't appear to be a lot better within a couple of days that she will no longer be given the option of deciding, they will call the police.

FATBALLZ

Get over it. If she doesn't want to report it stop hassling her, it's her decision. I was hit by a car at the same age, I did actually end up with a fracture and was on crutches for a few weeks, but I didn't report it because

a) It was partly my fault
b) It was an accident
c) No real damage was done
d) Both myself and the driver learned from it so it was unlikely to happen again.

Not sure what the need is on your part to drag the saga out, whether you want revenge or a bit of compo, but quite frankly it's none of your business.

daska

Did you not read the bits where I keep saying I'm not nagging her? And neither are her dad or her grandparents. The subject hasn't been raised with her since yesterday morning.

Caroline_a

daska wrote: »

I don't know the granny. But I do know what time bus DSD caught and what time she was due in school and that she wasn't late - because she was speaking with a teacher before the bell went. And I know that DSD has a friend who's family live very close to the school - but I don't know which friend or where and DSD isn't volunteering information to anyone. (and I'm not nagging!)

On a totally practical level I can't report someone when I don't know who they are. And I'm not the kind of person to dob someone in without at least attempting to establish what actually happened. For the moment I only have the comments on FB to go on, but DSD is often careless about things when she thinks they've blown over - and as the subject isn't being mentioned that will probably not be too long.

I talked it over with DSD's granny and dad this afternoon and they're very much of the opinion that if the injury doesn't appear to be a lot better within a couple of days that she will no longer be given the option of deciding, they will call the police.

I can't understand why you are making such a fuss about this, and stirring up what could be a huge mess. The youngster doesn't want to do anything about it, so if, as per your last paragraph, the family intend to force her to speak about it to the police then you're going to have a very upset young lady on your hands who will feel very resentful about this all. She trusted you enough to say she didn't want to make a fuss, and you are just blowing it up out of all proportion.

What will you do if it turns out that she and her friends had been playing 'chicken' in the road? That could get her and her friends into a lot of trouble too.

I cannot imagine what sort of job a temporary injury would prevent, but employers who would not wait for an injury that doesn't involve a fracture probably wouldnt be worth working for

Anyway, I've always found that young people if not pressurised will eventually tell the truth, even if it's 5 years afterwards. In this case I don't think there is any need for a witchhunt for something that you have no knowledge about whatsoever, but are assuming you know. I would leave well alone. What are you hoping to achieve?

mishkanorman

Seanymph wrote: »

I know - because my mouthy step children have told me - that their grandmother (on their mum's side) has been told to stop driving by a consultant at the hospital. At least two or three years ago now.

She has illnesses that affect her ability to drive and, more importantly, her eyesight. So she was directly and clearly told that her treatment and condition meant she was no longer to drive a car.

She is still driving three years on.

In her family it is common knowledge that she was instructed not to drive, and common knowledge that she risks other people's health on a daily basis.

Now I'm not saying this is the case of course. Not everyone is so damned socially irresponsible. But something like this would make your daughter resistant to reporting her, if she shouldn't be driving. And should mean that she gets reported all the more.

Personally I'd contact the granny - and ascertain firstly if the story of the 'batty granny' is true. And then I'd report it.

As always I read duchy and nod, but thinking about it my littley ( ) is 18 now, and it was me who had to go pick her up when her car broke down, me she was grumpy with yesterday after a row with her sister and my job to keep her safe.

It's the right thing to do - to report it - my kids also rely on me to set a good example of what we do.

Im really surprised by this, why havent you or someone else in the family reported it ? or am i mis-reading it and you have.

Injury to others is obviously a big concern but I would also be worried about her insurance being invalid, can she afford to replace someones car if she totals it ?

Gavin83

daska wrote: »

Actually I am quite calm, just gobsmacked once again by how selfcentered and selfish she is. The nature of the job is such that she can't do it with even a minor injury - she knows that.

How exactly is she self centered? It's her choice not to report it, you have to respect that, shes old enough to make her own decisions. I actually respect her for not instantly jumping on the compo bandwagon, I think you should be proud of her.

I would also suggest not trying to find this 'grans' details and speaking to her/reporting her. Trust me on this, you could very well do irrepairable damage to your relationship with her, especially when you consider this friend is unlikely to want to talk to her again. I know you mean well but you need to drop the matter.

I'm curious, what is the job shes applying for?

elisebutt65

Could be worse. I had the driver who ran my son over call me to ask to pay for the damage to his car!!!

Mind you when I had a vent on here I had the usual suspects haranguing me as I obviously hadn't trained my son well enough.

Seanymph

mishkanorman wrote: »

Im really surprised by this, why havent you or someone else in the family reported it ? or am i mis-reading it and you have.

Injury to others is obviously a big concern but I would also be worried about her insurance being invalid, can she afford to replace someones car if she totals it ?

This thread is peopled by posters who are saying that a 16 year old who has been hit by someone negligently by all accounts has no responsibility to report the driver and yet you are surprised that I haven't reported someone who I'm told by a child is driving and has not had an accident and are therefore infering I have a responsibility to do that?

I find it surprising that somehow this child can choose herself whether or not to report this person and her right to do that is being heftily defended and daska is being accused of being interfering - yet the totally opposite viewpoint, that I have a resonsbility to report this person even though the 'news' is secondhand through children and I don't know her personally, and I don't know how often she is driving..

She is an adult - and IF she is driving is making that choice herself.

I have been told by her grandchildren - this woman is the mother of their deceased mother and she has little enough contact with her grandson who lives with me as it is, without me calling the police down on her and pointing the finger at her grandchildren as the informants.

I have no faith in a system that allows her to continue to drive - and suspect that reporting her would have no effect anyway.

She has three adult children, grandchildren, neighbours, friends - all of whom know far more about her life than me.

It does rankle, which is obviously why I posted it - I suspect my SD and SS are telling me what they have been told - but as to it's accuracy? Well I don't know - the grandmother is not above a bit of drama if it suits her by all accounts - But I know if she drove into a friend of any of my step kids they would pressure them not to report her because this is what they believe.

It may be that the consultant has since lifted the restriction - and she hasn't reported to the grandkids. Like I say, I don't know her, don't spend any time with her, and to be honest I'm not about to either.

I simply mooted it as an example about why a child may want to protect someone and not report an accident.

duchy

I think you really need to back off a bit
There's a reason she is keeping quiet-either she doesn't want to make trouble for a friend's family OR there's more to the story and she believes (rightly or wrongly) that she would get into trouble. She's sixteen -they do daft things at times....however whatever the reason you are not her parent or technically her step parent although you have maintained a mother figure relationship with her and there's probably a line somewhere that considering her age may be one you shouldn't cross. At sixteen she's old enough to have her wishes considered and if you take things further than she's comfortable with it could cause a rift.

It's bad enough finding the right level with a sixteen year old when you ARE the mother but when you aren't the potential to get it wrong and have the "not my mother stay out of it" rift happen is so much greater. You see it as concern she may see it as interference -Pick your battles with care !
Whether it's you or the grandparents who actually report it-you could still be considered the "cause". Siteen year olds are a nightmare -we think they are kids but they think they are grown ups-and like most things the truth falls somewhere in between-It's a minefield !

the_cat

I too think you need to back off. Whatever the reason, she has made her decision and you need to respect it.

Look at the bigger picture. You say that you have a good relationship and that she comes to you about things which she might not broach with her dad. That tells me that she loves and trusts you, but at 16 that is a fragile thing and you are playing with fire if you back her into a corner. It is only a short leap in the eyes of a 16 year old to 'wicked step mother'

Thank your lucky starts that she is ok and leave her dad to decide on what course to take. Try very, very hard not to get involved. Otherwise you will have been taken into her confidence for the last time and your relationship may be irreperably damaged