Living for the Present...after all who doesn't love a gift!

Piquant_2

I'm so sorry to read your news, such a horrible time for you. I wish I could make it better for you. I think surbanwifey's message was very moving and worth consideration when the pain is not so raw.

Perhaps you are right about another woman, but don't be too hasty without proof. B*gger! I wish I knew what to say!

All I can do is offer support and friendship.

Piq

please-let-me-be-lucky

I'm not normally an advocate of stealing, but bless DS2. He must have known you needed a treat . Enjoy your bath.

Your emotions will be all over the place for a long time yet, I echo all the others who have said take your time over all decisions. Whatever happens though I'm sure you will be ok.

Brilliant news about your Mum's tv :j.

grannyx2

Hello honey, popping in to give you another Granny hug or two.

Naughty DS but I'm sure that well known toiletries shop won't miss it and that you'll get so much enjoyment out of it



Yey to mum's tv

Granny x

suburbanwifey

Just popping by to give you a hug :grouphug:

Also, to give you a bit of advice. The army cannot and will not make you homeless, that 6 month thing - in that 6 months they hope you find new accommodation, if you don't, they will find accommodation for you with the local council either from your home borough (where you come from originally) or from where you are based now. They are not allowed legally to make a woman or a woman with children who is or has been the wife of a serving soldier homeless. I would think carefully before you go off to rent an over-priced, insecure (short-hold tenancy) house to rent within that 6 months. You need and want security, that doesn't give you that if you do decide to go out into the world without your husband who stays in the army.

We were in army quarters 9 months after his discharge and I refused to move into rented, so the army welfare officer got in touch with the local authority and we were given a lovely house! we stayed there 5 years, I was given a choice of 3 and picked the best. We then bought our own home as we were earning very good money by then.

If you move into expensive/insecure rented you give up the chance of a secured tenancy with a LA which would be better for you and your kids and cheaper rent to pay until you get on your feet and want to buy your own home one day. Don't make rash decisions until you have thought all the long-term consequences through. When stressed and upset bad decisions can be made, don't let him or the army make you go anywhere you don't want to. Your home is secure on the barracks (regardless of being told *6 months* they just don't tell you that!) until you are housed securely somewhere else that you are happy with Don't let the military or him push you in a direction YOU don't want to go I never did and I got everything I wanted, giving in isn't in my nature lol

Just a personal opinion here, if you do split permanently, I wouldn't give that house up that you own! Mortgages are hard to come by nowadays, buying your own house even harder than it used to be - I would find a way to keep that house and I would, there is a way if you want to (including moving into it!) think things through! plan for the future the way you want it for you and your kids.

Hope you are OK today, my thoughts are with you. It would be nice to see you both come out the other side of all this mess xx

Skint_but_Optimistic

Just thinking of you. xx

grannyx2

Evening my lovely, I hope you have had a good day today x



Granny x

sundaygirl1969

Hi DFW, I've just been catching up with your diary and didn't want to leave without telling you how sorry I am to read your latest news. I don't really know what to say, and you've had a lot of very good practical advice from your friends here.

It was the two year anniversary of my split a few days ago and although you probably can't look further ahead than the next few hours at the moment (I know I couldn't), I promise things do get better

The only practical thing I can say is please look after yourself and make sure you get enough to eat. It might be a good idea to get some legal advice, you don't have to take any steps as its still early days, but it doesn't hurt to know your rights

Hope you get the house in Wales sorted. I'm in Wales and if I can be any help just ask

mandz1

morning DFW, hope your ok and we see you soon.

hope the kids and also the dog are ok also and are behaving.

grannyx2

Evening my lovely, meant to drop by for a virtual coffee this morning but got side tracked with something bothersome called work. So I'm here now to drop off this:



Granny x

Hope all is as ok as it can be x

fantastiyk

Hi DFW,

Sending you hugs.

Bless DS2. I hope the evidence melted in the bath and the remainder went down the plug hole after a long luxurious soak.

Sounds a bit to me like your X feels like he wants his own space to get away from it all - thing is no matter where we go we take ourselves with us, and that's usually where all the stuff we want to get away from is.

I understand him moving out and wanting to see the kids and participate in their lives, even coming round but as he chose to go is it fair to you that he should have free reign of the house? Maybe I'm wrong but I take it if he walked in on you dressing he came into your bedroom and thats not fair on you. I understand him being in the kids rooms as thats important to them and him, and kitchen, living room and bathroom. But he has his own space which he chose to move out to, you need your own space too.

Perhaps have a think what's acceptable to you.

I think he doesn't know what he wants though I wouldn't say there's another woman involved. If there was he wouldn't have so much time on his hands to spend with the kids.

Sooner or later all the crap from our lives that we haven't dealt with creeps up on us all at once. I think that's whats happened for him. PTSD doesn't go away on its own. And it becomes easier to blame those round us for what's annoying us rather than admit we've got a problem. And the army that lets young men and women go and fight for their country doesn't seem to have the proper support in place for the emotional and mental stuff that comes with the job.

And from what you describe of your early days, he had to have unresolved issues from his childhood to be so extreme.

But we can't change anyone else, we can only change how we react or feel about situations.

A while back I gave you details of eft, I know it has helped many through similar circumstances to yourself. So I'm just reminding you its there, for you. Also, your Reiki, both self treatments and any you can get from others on your class who might want to practice are a good support.

It takes a lot to go through what you are and just get up each day. Be gentle with yourself. And make use of this vast support you have on here. We're here no matter what you do or don't do.

Take care,
Hugs