Living for the Present...after all who doesn't love a gift!

debtfreewannabe321

Thanks all, your support means a lot to me. Only my sisters, 1 friend, dad & mum know at present so haven't had any support from anyone local.

I've been on rightmove and after working out the benefits calculator i would be £200 short each month for a modest 3 bed house in the area i wanted to live (which wasn't the most upmarket area either ) and although i will get child support i didn't want to be that far short that i would have to use lots of extra money to pay towards it. I would have to do a mock budget i guess to see if it works properly ...

the house in Wales, well I am tempted to sign it over to (ex)dh. I'm nearly 99% sure he wouldn't screw over his kids and it would just be easier all round if i didn't have it in my name. I'm not sure how that would work though and if this is in fact possible. Either that or i could ask my father to take it over. I'm sick to death of it tbh and i don't need it around my neck like a noose as well as a new life on my own. Do you think this is a silly decision? I originally put into it around 7k of my money and am not even sure if there is equity enough to give me that back if i sold (and i don't want to be owing the bank each month after selling) i really don't know what to do with it. Any bright ideas?

I'm still very up and down about us splitting. One min i think it's good as we've fallen out over everything for so long. Another min i think, we could have made it if we had both tried a little harder.......

DH has been told for definite he is on tour next year so he will be gone for 7 months. Something is saying to me don't rush this move or i will regret it, so am debating staying till after christmas (after all we have xmas eve panto tix booked ) and getting some more money saved up behind me. Although i already have a house full of furniture it would be nice if i had some savings in case of emergency.

See all over the place lol, am trying to think positively though and stay 'in the present....' so as not to get too caught up with what has happened...and what will be.... everything works out for the best in the end, right??

Alice_in_Poorland

Sorry to hear your news. Even though you had talked about it previously once the reality of it all kicks in there will be a roller coaster of emotions. There isn't any quick fix to sorting things out but make sure that you look after yourself.

Rant on here, stay quiet or do whatever you want to do. We will all be here for you no matter what. xx

slm6002

If you sign house over to OH at least that will help him pay off the debt that he will be taking on although if he is on tour that might prove difficult if there are problems. Perhaps your dad taking it on might be a better option as he also has some other properties in the area if i remember rightly. If at a later date your situation might change your dad may be able to sign it back to you whereas OH may not do that

I think if it is possible to stay in the house until OH comes back off tour maybe a good idea so you can get a good savings pot together - that would never be a bad idea although kids might find it difficult once they have him back to then move out. I dont think i am making it any clearer am i - sorry

Hope you got some sleep last night and i am sure some clever people on here will be along with some better advice than me

HOHOHOoffwegoKaren41

So glad your considering all options, and if I knew for sure hubby would be away for 7 months I would def persevere the next few weeks and aim for leaving closer to when he's due home so you have almost a year to build up your moving fund, to find somewhere you really want to live and be more prepared for your new life mentally,and financially it could almost take you to the end of the school term in July depending when he goes on tour, or whitsun at least, plus it would leave the ground settle on whoever takes on the Welsh plot, if you'd be looking to have help with rent I'm sure if you've handed over a property then claimed there would be some sort of forfeit, anyway just my thoughts lol I suppose it all depends how bad things get at home how long you can stick the atmosphere etc, whatever happens I'm positive you will do what's right for you and the kids x x

mummytogirls

Hi DFW,

Sorry to hear your sad news . Dont rush into anything, if you can sit tight and try get some money behind you.
Have you spoken to your welfare officer? Or if they know will they say you have to go as you and OH arent together anymore?

Hope your ok xx

debtfreewannabe321

as far as i know, from other people's experiences, i have 90 days to vacate the property from when he moves out. I am debating let him move out NOW until he goes on his course. He could then say he is back at home so wouldn't have to pay for the blocks as well as the house, then when he comes off his course he could move back into the blocks. I'm not sure of the ins and outs and whether they would suss anything but it would just eek things out a bit longer for me as i think the 90 days starts off anew each time he moves out (i stand to be corrected though) I just didn't want it to be a huge upheaval for the children all at once and we've no deposit for a new house.

I may indeed have to forfeit something for giving up the Welsh house, just so long as i keep my sanity intact i don't care. That house has been a burden since taking it on

(EX)H seems intent on keeping us around as long as possible so i'm sure he will try to accommodate in moving in to blocks asap. He wanted to stay here, i don't think it's fair, on me mostly. So perhaps a little selfish on my behalf but i feel the atmosphere will be awful. I'm happy for him to stay over xmas eve in with ds1 but the kids will know by then what the score is. Well as much as 3 kids of differing ages can understand. Feeling much brighter today though, not sure if it's all sunk in yet. Once he's moved all his stuff out it will so am just waiting until that happens!

elly68

hi df if u still love him would it be worth trying counselling repeated tours always take there toll on family life .the army chaplain might be worth a punt and even if you split in the end the army has an obligation to keep you round while u try and sort things .they also r obliged to get you accomadation although as you say the house you own may be an issue .
take care and hope things work out x

grannyx2

Hello just wanted to pop in and let you know am thinking of you today and to drop these off (((((((hugs)))))))

I think you are being very sensible trying to sort things out rationally without rushing into anything. Take advantage of all the support systems the forces have in place and take your time in making those decisions as well informed as you possibly can

Granny x

mandz1

sending you lots of hugs dfw. you are bound to be all over the place atm. just concentrate on yourself and the kids. we dont want you getting ill with worrying over things.

No idea about houses im afraid as i have no experience with them,except renting.

debtfreewannabe321

thank you so much all i wish i could invite you all round for tea & chocolate cake to say thank you. My only friend that knows has been my rock today (albeit like all of you, only over the internet) i've not cried which is a good thing but feel very sick. Had dodgy tummy all day and not eaten very much and i weighed myself this morning and was down to 10st 9lb that is another 3lb lost i should be happy but it's obviously not been lost under the right circumstances and will probably go straight back on! it means for now though my bmi is healthy

He's home tomorrow (well very late tonight) so i expect will go straight to ds1 room. I need to pick up ds1 next week from his nan's house and drop off dd (she is staying a few days) so i think then would be a good time to tell him. I will tell him it is a temporary split for now i think. Not thought much more on the housing issues but when dh is in afghan next year i will be able to save some more money (so long as he is happy to continue giving us extra still by then) I feel a sudden move would do more harm then good so think it's best to stay here for now. Poor dd was so looking forward to starting school and next year she will have to start another one with a whole new set of people.

I feel guilty about the strangest things! Am catching up slowly on other's diaries but not got very far today....so i hope you are all ok xx